Food for Thought #9: Mentoring

Lee says: Everyone is a mentor, and everyone has at least one mentor who has helped defined the guiding principles of their lives. (Ignore the numeric disagreement between noun and pronoun. It’s a symptom of my current contract where that disagreement has been institutionalized in the style guide.) Mentoring can be anything from helping a friend with homework to providing life-changing guidance.

(I could not find any pictures of people I mention in here other than one I already posted, so I included a photo of me and Parker during the pre-wedding frenzy. Perhaps I am mentoring her here, as I believe we were formatting a sign, or something.)

Appetizer: Do you view yourself as a mentor? Why or why not?

Heck yeah! And being a mentor is a role I take seriously. I am honored to have the chance to mentor people. I really feel good when I can mentor new or not-very-confident knitters and help them become independent, problem-solving, yarn-addicted companions who have a fine lifelong hobby and a skill they can pass on to others. I am also very happy when I can serve as a mentor to teens and young adults. Everyone needs a confidential, nonjudgmental older friend to talk things over with, run things by, and get input from. It’s another thing I can pass along, as my mentors did for me.

Soup: Other than your parents, who was most influential in shaping the choices you made in your life?

Well, I read a lot, so much of the direction my thought processes went in came from books. But, when I was a teen, I talked a lot to some of our neighbors, who often gathered at our house and talked about their issues. I learned a lot of what I didn’t want to do (marry young with no education, get involved with nice folks who happened to be drug smugglers). And I learned a lot of good, too. I talked a lot to my boyfriend’s mother and grandmother (Delores and Boo), who modeled the kind of parenting and love I wanted for my children. And the high school boyfriend, Corey, influenced me the most. We talked and talked about our religious, political, philosophical and practical beliefs. I would say he’s my biggest influence. In college, a civics professor named Fred Shenkman took a lot of us kids under his wing—I’d say my political beliefs were strongly influenced by him. And in grad school, I’ve already talked about my adviser, Georgia Green Morgan, who also strongly influenced me (and continues to). And finally, when I was first out working and starting my family, the dear and wonderful Roberta Bishop Johnson steered me in the right direction by providing a clear example of someone who loves all of humanity, respects everyone, mothers with all her heart, and uses her considerable intellect to help others. I would be very different if I hadn’t met her (she is a future Wednesday Wonder). All these were adults I could talk to about anything, and whom I could rely on to tell me the truth, even if I wouldn’t like it.

Salad: Other than your children or siblings, whose life have you influenced most?

That sounds like just one person. I don’t really know who I influenced the most, or if I even influence anyone. I probably influenced Tina a little. Maybe Jody some. I’m pretty sure I’ve helped Parker out some, and maybe a couple of Beccano’s friends who have asked me things in confidence. And of course, I have influenced some knitters, but do you really know how you influence people? They usually don’t report back and tell you! I do know that I TRIED to influence a couple of people in my nonprofit job and am sure I failed royally on one.

Entré: What is your favorite experience as a mentor or mentee?

I remember a time when my friend Nancy Jo and I went to visit Roberta at her house, when she was dying from breast cancer. She knew she’d probably not see us again. We spent a long time sitting with her and listening to us share her “institutional knowledge” of the organization we all worked and volunteered for, but also she shared advice for us as parents of school-aged kids—for Nancy Jo as a lesbian just coming out of the closet, and for me as someone very confused about relationships. I am confident that this was one of the most important days of both of our lives.

Dessert: Do you have to know someone personally for that person to be your mentor? Please explain your position.

Hmm, to me, being a mentor involves exchanging information with each other—it’s a two way street, and each participant gets something out of it. People I don’t know but who influence me a lot I would more consider role models—like Barbara J. Walker has been for me.

Knitters' Long-Term Effects

(I meant to post this in the knitting blog, but it works well here, too, so I am going to cross post, just this once.)

Mr. Greenjeans in Red Progress
Originally uploaded by sunasak

As you can see, I am moving along on Mr. Greenjeans in Red. What appears to be a big blob there is actually the top of the cardigan, heading to the armholes. It's got a very wide top, and that's because a) it has a wider neck than a lot of cardigans and b) there is a pretty wide band of ribbing that goes along the front edge--12 rows.

I just love this Cascade 220 handpaint yarn. It's normal Cascade 220, so it's nice worsted weight wool, but the colors are so pretty. They are more subtle in person than in the photo, I think. It will go so well with much of what I wear!

The title to this post is "Knitters' Long-Term Effects," and I came to that last night while sitting on the couch with Lee, knitting calmly and watching Monday Night Football after my community chorus rehearsal, winding the day down. I was thinking, "This is what I always looked forward to doing when I grew up." Then I remembered how that vision of the future came to be!

It's the influence of someone I don't think about often, but who really had an impact on me as a "slightly troubled teen." Lila Brunell was the lady across the street from us when I was young and lived in Gainesville, Florida. She was a nurse and her husband was the head dietitian at the local VA hospital. They had met in the Navy and had a pretty interesting life--my favorite part was when the lived in Iceland--I loved those stories (which included yarn!). They settled down in Gainesville with their incredibly hyper Basenji dogs at the end of their working careers.

They were really nice to me, and I spent a lot of time over at their house the last couple of years I lived in Gainesville. She was a knitter and helped me with knitting, though mostly at that time I crocheted endless granny squares and embroidering on my jeans (I mean, I was 11-13, OK?). We moved away to horrible (to me) south Florida when I started 8th grade. I was totally miserable. My parents took pity on me and let me go back "home" for two weeks the next summer. They were especially kind to let me visit the Brunells and NOT my grandmother (one mean ole woman). So, I stayed at their house, visited old friends, rode a borrowed bike through all my old haunts, and reveled in being "home" for a while. During the days they were at work, and I read their books (including the Joy of Sex--how convenient it was that they left that out in plain sight). In the evenings, we'd eat, then sit around while Lila knitted and Ralph watched TV. I crocheted along. I remember asking if she ever finished a sweater--she was about at the point I am now with Mr. Greenjeans, and going back and forth on very long rows. She laughed and said she would, but the idea was more to enjoy the making of the sweater.

They were so happy together. Comfortable with who they were and what they were doing. It seemed so warm and pleasant to sit and knit and have nice conversation about current events (with no pesky little brother to bother me). That is when I put it into my mind that when I was grown up, I wanted a nice, warm room where I could sit and knit with someone I loved, feeling relaxed, safe and comfortable--and enjoying the process of my craft.

And now I get to do that! No matter what is happening, I have my warm cozy room, my wonderful yarn and my supportive man at my side. I have arrived at last.

Ralph died when I was a senior in high school. My dad and I drove up to Gainesville for the funeral. It was important to me to be there. I wanted to show Lila that I was going to turn out well, and to thank her for being there for me. She moved away before I went to college, so I didn't get to see her when I returned. That's too bad--she'd have loved all the things I was knitting by then! And I hope her spirit is somewhere appreciating that she had a positive effect on a young girl.