There's More to Life Than Knitting!

Join Suna as she stops knitting long enough to ponder her life, share her joys and concerns, and comment on the goings on in the world.
You are very welcome here, so feel free to comment and contribute!

Thursday, December 28, 2006

A I a native yet?

I realized this morning that as of today I have lived in Texas for a decade (I live in a neighborhood of remarkably similar houses, exactly halfway between Austin and Round Rock, also very near Cedar Park, in a place called Brushy Creek, which is not an incorporated town). We left wonderful and peaceful (yet corn/soybean-intensive) Champaign, Illinois right after Christmas in 1996. I drove with the cats and plants; XH drove with the kids (aged 3 and 5). Who had the better deal? I think he did. One cat refused to eat his kitty downers and yowled and voided horrible stinky gland products the ENTIRE way. Yowl. Yowl. Yowl. Yowl. How that cat lived another 9 years I will never know.

I know I have been here a while because now I am one of those complaining that all the pretty countryside is becoming tract housing (even Brushy Creek Road, sniff). One thing that remains is the round rock, which is how Round Rock, Texas got its name. That's it, on the left (note that I originally wrote "right"--I am having an epidemic of mis-labeling directions, making it hard for EM to find stuff in my kitchen). Next to it, you can see actual wagon tracks that were part of the Chisholm Trail where it crossed Brushy Creek (the rock was a handy landmark). It's a nice rock, next to a train track and part of the park where EM and I once spent a very long time when I lost that permanent job.

I think I finally feel at home here. It takes me SO long to acclimate to a new place. It took me at least that long to get used to Illinois (I was there 16 years). Of course, the only real "home" is Gainesville, where my lucky sister plans to move. Lucky sister. (Another weird thing EM and I have in common: our next oldest sibling is 13 years older.)

In an emotions of Suna update, I do feel better. I am not quite as worried about the kids today. The Younger Boy visited a friend yesterday, but when he got home, he was happy and enjoying Warhammer with his friends. He was pretty cute painting his miniatures while talking on the phone with two pals on headphones. The Older Boy was at home in the evening, and was really nice when EM and I made a dinner. He ate three helpings of EM's delicious fajitas, and was his usual fun self to talk to. Whew.

It was a pretty rough day emotionally for both EM and me, but we got through it. I was all messed up about the kids and he had a lawyer meeting and other bureaucratic crap to deal with. Thank goodness all we need is some time together to feel better. I also found out someone I cared about at church died yesterday, another friend had a horrible child custody hearing, and another online acquaintance had two grandchildren die in a fire. A lot of sadness. I hope today will be nice and calm.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Hard to be a mother

I found this picture of a St. Brighid's cross that I have actually seen in person (or one of its incarnations--you are supposed to make a new one every year), at her cathedral in Kildare. I put it here to remind me that I need to rely on my spirituality sometimes, even if I don't have any real "faith" in anything. My hope is that by reminding myself of the generations of women who came before me--tending their hearths, working their magick, and caring for their families--I will be able to get through challenges with grace, courage and integrity.

Last night I sort of forced RM to sit down with me and tell the children that he and I are friends and nothing more than that, and that EM and I are the ones with the emotional attachment. I can tell you that there is not much more that causes a mother pain than to see her own children hurt. And they get along way better with RM than I do--cope much better with his nagging, belittling and need to be superior than I ever could. And I know the Younger Boy has bonded with him a lot. I let that happen. Even though I knew from very early on that RM would not be with me permanently (I'd been trying to hold on until the kids were in college, then I could go somewhere and be alone).

The kids had no questions. The Older Boy was really quiet. He then went up to his room and played Final Fantasy the rest of the night. The Younger Boy got weepy but perked up, and when EM came over later (we got him the cable he needed for his video camera), he talked to us some. We did reassure the boys that RM will be a part of our life and not disappear. And that is true. He is now a good friend, with all the pressures gone and with his new calmer attitude.

I know it will take time. Everyone has to adjust to the "new normal." It will take a while to get to know each other and figure out how we will all relate. I am sorry to have disrupted the family like this. But, it is one of those consequences that EM said we would have to face when we decided that the most important thing for us is to be together. And it is the most important thing--it is a chance at life, happiness and love. And with the right attitude, it can lead to a happier family.

Monday, December 25, 2006

Holiday Musings

So, this is how the kids wanted to be remembered this holiday time. The Older Boy was still asleep, while the Younger Boy was "charged up" a bit. I also have a picture of me in my festive holiday outfit, complete with antlers, that everyone commented, "How natural those look on you!" I'll stick that one at the end of this entry.

So, the boys got lots of presents, though less than usual, since each got one big item (a video camera for Younger Boy and a Wii which does not yet exist for the Older Boy). You would expect them to be bonding with their gifts, right? Imagine my mirth when the Younger Boy came up to me, all serious, holding a very large branch he'd found on a hike with his dad, declaring, "Mom, I want to do some whittling on my staff." OK, I guess all he needed was a sharp knife this year. Of course, can I find the lovely wood carving kit he inherited from his grandfather? No. I'll have to look--I have seen it around.

It was a better holiday than I had feared. RM was in an extra good mood and really seemed to enjoy the day. He loved the 2 gig of RAM I got for his new laptop! And my sister loved the fancy-ass printer that EM and I picked out for her. I got me one of those phone headsets that make you look like you are talking to yourself in public when you use one. I plan to not stand around in grocery stores and use it--mainly it's for those really, really long phone calls with EM every night when we aren't together in person, where my hand falls asleep holding the trendy yet not comfy Razor phone.

Holiday meal was good. We had: pork loin stuffed with garlic cloves (whoa, did that give me indigestion for which I can't take anything due to the antibiotics I am on), homemade mashed potatoes, delicious and most wonderful King of Vegetables butternut squash, and usually nasty but well doctored up canned peas (my sister likes them). She also made an apple cake with caramel frosting for dessert, and it was most yummmmmy. I managed to get two glasses of the expensive merlot wine I bought--yay.

After that, all but Older Boy (who had to run play his new Final Fantasy Whatever) watched Little Miss Sunshine and enjoyed it a lot. I managed to finish the last of my sister's dishcloths, a lovely bathtime blossom (eek, didn't get a photo of it) AND I finished a sock. Finally, some knitting time! Photos of the measly four dishcloths I finished out of Schaeffer hand dyed cotton are in the Flikr feed in the margin. They came out very nice, with subtle patterning.

Tomorrow, back to work, though practically no one will be there but us pitiful contractors. Hey, at least I am feeding the family and did not go into debt this holiday. Whoop.

I miss EM, who I believe went to see his father, after some vacillation on that topic. Argh, two days with no Psychic Twin!!

Sunday, December 24, 2006

Happy Holiday Happiness

If you could see me type, you'd know I am smiling. It has been a really wonderful few days for me, and even the yucky parts were "interesting" yucky parts.

Right now, my boys are back home (minus their luggage--sure hope it makes it--has gifts in it). I have made some homemade chicken soup with all the veggies I had in the house (because, whoa, EM and I have been cooking like crazy, even at my house!). RM is playing his endless holiday CDs, and I finally have a minute to type something.

After RM had an "issue" with me having my boyfriend in my own home, I sorta packed up and hung out with EM for a few days, just coming home to get things and wrap presents. EM didn't want me home alone. It worked out fine--RM has calmed down considerably, and is looking much harder for a place south of town to live and be closer to musicians. I really wish him well, hope he remains a friend, and want the best for him, but neither of us would be happy if we kept things up with the status quo.

We'll be talking to the boys tomorrow evening about EM being more than my best friend, and RM's being a roommate (not sure if they realized that yet or not). It really has to be done, and I can't put it off forever, especially with everyone at Ye Olde Spiritual Community knowing. I actually think it will go OK--EM's son seems to really understand the weird and whacky connection the two of us have, and I think my boys will see it, too.

Enough of what I am currently worrying about. I did have lots of fun the past few days. Spending time with EM, in any fashion, is nearly always great fun (and when we are not having fun, we are supporting each other through the interesting challenges that are inevitable at times like this). It is just so refreshing to have someone treat me the way I would like to be treated and is patient with me, and who appreciates how I treat him. And it is so much fun to have so many things in common. I will stop listing things, so that he doesn't get embarrassed when he reads this, but I have to say that even cleaning the kitchen is fun when we are together. THAT is coming from a completely enamored person, if you ask me!

Things are really solid, we are very happy, we are as secure as two Pisces with trust issues can be, and we are looking forward to the coming year. OK, I haven't said THAT in a LONG time.

Belated Solstice greetings to my pagan friends--we went out in the winter air and enjoyed the solstice stars, and had an absolutely incredible Yule ritual Friday night.

And Merry Christmas to everyone--however you celebrate, enjoy the giving and receiving, and the love of your families and friends.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Solstice Greeting (a day early)

Cold as the northern winds
In December mornings,
Cold is the cry that rings
From this far distant shore.

Winter has come too late
Too close beside me.
How can I chase away
All these fears deep inside?


Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Ickiness, Plus One Happy Podcast Note

It seems to be the week for ickiness. The RM has decided that he doesn't want me and EM interacting in "his" house, even when he is not there. Um, I think it is MY effing house. I own it and pay all the bills. So, I am in overdrive mode for finding ways to help him find another living situation, sooner rather than later. I will try to have a nice conversation about it this evening or so. I can't live if I am worrying he will explode on me, and he indicated that he is getting angry. I am not suprised--I'd get angry at some point too, and that is normal.

I'd move on to happier subjects but all I have is this, EM's work on his divorce and the fun that entails, and me being totally unmotivated for Yule, Christmas, solstice or whatever. I would just like to wake up and have it be February, with me with a real job, EM and I on an even keel, the kids fine, and life OK.

Hmmm, let's see, happy...I heard from my brother on his birthday yesterday and it was fairly pleasant and nice...and...looks like I will be taking a long car ride to go meet the father of EM on Friday. I hope that all goes well. I think it will. His family seem inordinately happy about the way things are going. It will be nice to be around people who are happy for us again. That was good this weekend.

Happy Podcast Note

Oh yeah, in my down-hood-ness I forgot to mention this nice article that Elisabeth (friend of this blog!) had put up about RM's winning that computer from the radio station. That was so sweet of her. And it is nice to read all the comments his friends and fans have put up. If you have not had a chance to check into the podcasts RM does, please do. They are a quality product and very interesting--even if I get irritated at him sometimes, I still firmly believe in his talents and abilities, and wish others had more chances to appreciate his work. Not only are the podcasts well done, but the Lake Affect CD he made this year is really great listening if you like ambient music!! (There's a link to it in the sidebar. End commercial)

Monday, December 18, 2006

Welcome, Friends

Hello folks. Here's the new blog, which will be "same as the old blog" as soon as I copy over my template modifications and stuff.

I had a long, long weekend full of ups and downs, but I feel good today. I know you are all wanting to know why I moved my blog.

Well, you see, EM's stbx (that means "soon to be ex" if you aren't on my old email lists) apparently got into his email when he was at work on Friday (he left it up, oops, and I guess she knows his password). And she replied to a message I sent him, informing me just how creepy she thinks EM is (she seems to think we had a "relationship" long before we actually were anything other than psychically superglued, which doesn't help). It made me feel like I lived in a soap opera or something. I just do not expect adult people to read other people's email. Yeah, naive, huh. Of course I don't blame her for having her feelings or anything--just I don't think it very mature to send that kind of email to someone.

No matter how upset I was at folks during my "bad period" I tried to not send that kind of stuff (except to one poor recipient, to whom I hereby apologize again). I guess everyone needs to learn that lesson. It sure made for a really, really bad Friday afternoon for both EM and I (he had to discuss this "issue" with her,a nd he felt so bad about leaving a mushy email from me on his screen, even though it is HIS PERSONAL email).

Anyway, after stbx requested of EM that I not say anything bad about her in my blog (oooh creepy), I figured, OK, better move that blog. This way I can actually say things less obliquely, knowing exactly who is reading. So, if you ARE reading this, you are my friend, and you are welcome.

In nicer news, my precious boys (who look more like men) made it to North Carolina to be with their dad and stepmother for a week (and get to see my dad, too). It is nice when they have direct flights, because I do not have to worry about them changing planes, or pay for "unaccompanied minor." The flight was super early, so I had no traffic to deal with. I do hate to have them gone, but it lets me do stuff a little more freely for a week.

The weekend went pretty well -- lots of rehearsing for a choir performance, then the actual performance (sigh, I messed up a couple of things and feel really bad about it, but it was OK). Now I just need to get those Spanish lullabies OUT of my head. I didn't spend as much time as usual at the knitting store, but it was long enough to get to chat with Jody and her sister and get a little lecture on my behavior from another store friend. I guess I should expect that. Most people are being so nice, though, that I feel really warm. More people believe in this soul mate stuff than I realized. Aww.

Oddly, two nights in a row this weekend we had dinner with tarot people. Jody on Saturday night, and then two friends of EM last night (now THOSE people know a lot of decks!). It's a little nerve wracking meeting one's new person's friends, but I did OK. And EM went to church with me, so he was exposed to a LOT of my friends all in one event. Thank goodness it's all going just fine!

We got to go bond with the church labyrinth a while yesterday (after all the work I put into that thing when it was getting built, I am glad EM liked it so much!!), plus we spent a long time at the nice park with a lake near my house--it is so, so good to visit nature and get away from people and things for a while. I know I need to do more of that. It is really centering.

Long enough for a first post? Sure. I'll get the template fixed up soon. But, thank you all for reading and being kind to me.

Sunday, December 17, 2006


If you are interested in a chronology of the relationship between myself and my current partner, just search for "translation" in the keywords. The text in a nice shade of red contains explanations. I don't owe anyone an explanation, but I realize that ambiguity can lead to misinterpretation, and I will feel better if it is clear when and how things transpired in the last few months. Enjoy.

Postscript on April 13, 2007: This was the final post in my old blog, written for Lee's ex, since I added all the red text to help her in her endless sleuthing into Lee's and my personal life. Gosh, what will she do when the old blog is deleted? Who am I kidding? I have no doubt she's saved the whole thing to disk, so she can use it as passive aggressive "evidence" for something. Poor, poor woman. Applying energy toward moving forward, dealing with the personal issues that led to her becoming an ex, making new friends, and creating a new life would be so much more productive. But, as I have seen with many of my friends, some people prefer to dwell on, wallow in, and never escape from the past.

As for me, I relish my present, look forward to the future, and hope I learned appropriate stuff from the past.

Saturday, December 16, 2006

One More Thing...

So we cheated and we lied
And we tested.
And we never failed to fail.
It was the easiest thing to do.
You will survive being bested.

Crosby, Stills and Nash

Goodbye (to Old Blog)

Well, it's depressing as all heck, but I have to stop posting to this blog as of today. I was trying to be patient with someone who has been invading my privacy, but I no longer feel even remotely comfortable on my own blog for my own FRIENDS posting about my own LIFE.

I am trying to deal with everything in my life honestly, and certainly don't think I am perfect or someone who always makes the best decisions. But I am honest, ethical and respectful of others, as much as I possibly can be.

For example, I was with my ex husband for 13 years or so. During that time we worked together, shared a home office, and shared a home network. During that time, neither he nor I ever looked at the other's email, web browser history, personal files, postal mail or other personal information without being invited to. We did not lock or password protect our computers. We didn't need to. It is simple respect for privacy. Now, he was an Internet security specialist. He could have spied if he wanted to. And there was stuff on my computer, too!

I have been with Jeff in my life for 4 years as of about now. While he turns his computer off every moment he is not using it, I usually don't. And he is here all day while I work. He could come down here and find my email from Lee if he wanted to, I guess. Wouldn't be easy, but he could. After all, I was once married to an Internet security specialist.

The thing is, if you want to know something, ask the person involved. That is the adult way to do things. And if you have something to say to someone, say it to them, not by trying to hurt someone else. One thing I learned by being the Internet Director at a Dysfunctional Nonprofit Organization is that anything you write can come back and bite you in the butt. So don't write stuff down. I will remember that, too.

To find where this blog has gone, please send me an email. [no longer necessary; it is all here] All my friends and trusted readers are welcome to join. I don't have time to copy all the template files and settings and move it today, so if you could wait until tomorrow (Sunday) I would appreciate it.

translation: I've had enough of having to not write about what matters to me. So I went somewhere else. If you need any more chronology of Lee's and my life, ask him or me. Mostly we are two people who plan to spend the rest of their lives together who are trying to get their lives in order, so that can happen. We are happy. My kids are happy and really enjoy Lee. Jeff is happier than I have ever seen him, actually, with lots of ideas for things to do, and confidence that he is not being thrown out immediately. The job situation is looking up. We're having fun working on our houses and figuring out logistics. I am strong and brave and can face just about anything now. We wish everyone who reads this peace, happiness and a future filled with people they are compatible with who love them just as they are.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Now, Isn't This Something?

As you may know, my poor RM hasn't been able to catch a break in years. Keeps losing band jobs, can't get a day job, just not lucky. Until today! He entered a contest at the local radio station for folks like us (rock, Americana, Texas stuff) and they let him know he WON a Macintosh portable computer! To win, you had to be a local musician with a proven need for a computer, so he wrote them about his podcasts and recording, and how old his current system is. I am just tickled pink that he won--he truly deserves it! So if you are local, I think he'll be on the Daily Demo at 3 pm on Thursday.

I wrote to congratulate him and mentioned something that Work Boy #1 had said about it--that he is setting sail and casting off his extra ballast. I said, "I guess I am ballast, wah" or something like that, and he wrote back that I most certainly am not, that I had kept him afloat for a long time and helped him learn to sail. That is nice. He also said kind things about our relationship not ending, just moving to a new phase. That also was really nice to read, so I felt all warm and fuzzy that I have not lost him as a friend. And that is good, since he is a much more enjoyable person to know these days. Perhaps because there's no pressure any more.

Things are otherwise just wonderful. I am having a great time at work, doing a fun project that keeps me really busy and engaged (not just formatting other people's less than stellar writing--I get to make my own doggerel!). But I am working with a nice techie guy, and enjoying the last week with my current set of work friends. Next week we move our cubicles, and Work Boy #2 gets to go off and get his real employee sized cubicle while I get to decorate another teeny tiny one. At least it is really close to the bathrooms. I got a nice depressing little chat out of EM about how I should not count too much on getting my own "real" position, but I think I have reason to be optimistic, just not overly so. Realistic instead. I don't suck at what I do. I am at least ALMOST good enough for a real position! So, I will keep trying to do well and be uncharacteristically positive, while I have the emotional glow of happiness rubbing off on me.

Nonetheless, I won't be spending much for Yule. I want to save just in case.

Well, I can't get two seconds of privacy to post tonight, so I will stop. Darn families.


Sam said...
Continued excitement for your RM's luck! What a gift!Take care
Wednesday, December 13, 2006 4:18:00 PM

Tina said...
Wow, that's awesome! Congrats to RM!I wish I could win a portable Mac.I'm also glad to hear you are doing well. I've been feeling very anti-social lately. Oh, Kat is moving out soon. Possibly this weekend.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006 4:41:00 PM

Barbara said...
How very kewl this is! And I love what WB#1 said - it is very wise!
Wednesday, December 13, 2006 6:55:00 PM

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Weekends and Looking Forward

I just got back from finally doing some holiday shopping, in which EM and I managed to have a good time buying things like blood pressure cuffs. OOOH--the Younger Son said he wanted to go along with me on my exciting adventures--I hate to tell him what mundane stuff passes for "fun" when you're just enjoying who you're with. And I do appreciate someone who just listens to me when I want to vent about "how I messed up my previous life" stuff.

It's still a lot of highs and lows this weekend--like I posted in my comment from Friday, I think I am having hormonal issues or something--it has that "feeling" like something is making me feel in ways I don't even want to feel. It doesn't help that I had to work today, wah. And that I didn't get as much done as I wanted (no one's fault but mine--any coworkers who happened to also be there were very polite), and well, I actually have a LOT to do on my project!

Probably working so much doesn't help the hormones. I had a lot of knitting work yesterday. Three work folks came in, too, and I got one going on knitting after having a frustrating time earlier in the week trying to learn on the wrong needles and yarn, while last week's new hat knitter had done a GREAT job finishing not only a hat but a scarf (and had made two others). And I got another client going on a hat. I find hat teaching very satisfying. Once you can make one, you are OFF and running, and it's fun to see all the progress and the independence the hat knitters develop.

Our choir program is still not in good shape, and that is sorta depressing--I am having a hard time not having anyone reliable singing my part, but I finally got the CD of the songs, so I can listen. Whew. By the time the rehearsal was over yesterday, I was lucky to have energy to eat dinner and watch TV with EM. (RM conveniently went to a party, which he enjoyed--I am so glad he is socializing and having some fun--he's been really good about everything, and I am impressed.) Nice to just hang out, watch TV, do tarot, laugh at the kids.

I am not sure why I wrote a long sort of reversed chronology of a not-too-exciting, normal weekend, but I think it's because it represents what I want more of (not the extra work or bad choir practices, but the other parts). I look forward to a time where I can just hang out with my loved ones and laugh and enjoy mundane things. With no drama. Whoa, that will be nice.

One more big event: the Older Boy did his first on the road driving this morning, from 6-8am. Poor thing was at a debate tournament all Friday and Saturday, is getting a cold, and then had to get up way too early to go drive. But he did it! I am proud.


Sandy said...
I hope things work out and you have many quiet weekends ahead of you.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006 12:46:00 PM

Sam said...
I like reading about your weekend activities. It's true that even the mundane can be fun if your enjoy the company.I have a sphygmomanometer too (BP cuff). It is old though and I'd really like to have a fancy new electronic one where I don't have to use a stethescope at the same time. It gets hard to manipulate everything.Have a great week!
Tuesday, December 12, 2006 3:30:00 PM

Friday, December 8, 2006

Highs and Lows

There really have been a lot of highs and lows lately. Do I thrive on drama? Not as much as some people I know, but I do seem to manage always to have some nice, meaty "concern" to dwell on. Oh boy, another issue to work on. I'm lining them up these days.

I am not knitting as much as I was. And that is bad timing, with holidays approaching and nothing for anyone bought--I don't feel "festive" even when I am feeling happy. When I am feeling happy I am in some other world where gifts and family and obligations don't even exist. Darn those other worlds sometimes...but, I am making a pretty set of washcloths for my sister, because she actually ASKED for them. Of course, I had to get some fancy cotton that is hand-dyed, not practical Sugar and Cream. And I am on sleeve #2 of the Silk Garden sweater. I hope to go back and finish my vest after that, but it is going to be so big, now, sigh.

And I am so wanting things to go better for EM, but he is having to slog through some hard times. And all I can do is listen and watch. And hope. What does it say about my issues when I can't even convey positivity about the things I am most positive about in my whole life? I guess you just can't be sure of anything until time passes and it really is true. So Suna should go and enjoy the things she has right here and right now.

translation: None of this is easy, but you have to deal with consequences. I really am glad Lee's family has been so supportive, but sad about the name calling and accusations he has had to deal with. That's why these translations are here. To make things really clear and less easy to misinterpret.


Lee said...
IV Wands, again.
Saturday, December 09, 2006 11:13:00 AM

Suna said...
It's a good thing we can make our own 4 of Wands, huh.I think I just have hormones.
Sunday, December 10, 2006 8:46:00 PM
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Wednesday, December 6, 2006

Brave New World

Hello world. It's been a long week and it is only Wednesday morning. But it is a Wednesday when I woke up and felt lighter and freer, and back to happy again. I can concentrate on work, send strength to Everything Man (EM, formerly known as Work Man), and be myself.

What will I do when I can be myself?

I don't know. It has been so long since I have been able to be Suna 24/7 without looking over my shoulder, censoring myself, worrying about someone else's reaction...well, it should be fun.

So, yesterday I did a very hard thing, and something I honestly didn't know if I could make myself do. I also didn't know if I'd make it through the night safely, since it involved delivering bad news to a person with one mighty temper. But I managed to gently and kindly convey to DP that he is now RM (roommate) and that at some point in the not-too-distant future he'll need to move on to "friend who lives somewhere else." He said he had a feeling it was coming, and that, given the big ole holes in our relationship, it was not a surprise. I got all weepy and kept stressing that I care about him (because I DO, in a close friend-ly way). But, no yelling occurred. I am actually really proud of him and impressed with this--it's not how he used to handle things.

OK, enough of my personal drama. Oh wait, it's my blog, I can write about that!

I had a nice time last night at Older Boy's band concert. He looks so nice in a tux!

And on Monday night, EM went with me to sing with that tight-knit group of mine, and it went really well, even if EM had been having a very rough day. I'll be glad to have some better guitar playing, personally. And four voices will be a lot of fun to work with. I sure enjoy listening to EM sing.

Thanks to everyone who's been sending me positive thoughts. Sam and Elisabeth--what you wrote me last night really helped.

translation: I told Jeff as soon as I could. The truth is that I was worried about his reaction, knowing how he gets when he is angry. However, he has been in therapy and on helpful medications, and he was perfectly aware that we had not been a "couple" for more than half the time we were together. This merely brought into the open something we'd not been talking about. I am very, very proud of him and how he is handling things. I am glad he will remain my friend and part of the kids' lives. He is proving what a fine person he really is, and I am thrilled to have been his friend long enough to see him get to this point.


rachel l. said...
Oh suna ....{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}Never easy to deliver that kind of news. Know that you have many, many friends supporting and loving you!
Friday, December 08, 2006 8:55:00 AM

Sunday, December 3, 2006

When Worlds Collide, and That 4 Thing

I had another one of my little gatherings for tarot friends last night. We had a few new attendees (boys!) and it was a bit nerve-wracking for those who brought them--you hope your friends from one sphere in your life will get along with your friends from another friend, but you never know. It all went pretty good, though, and I think everyone liked or at least tolerated each other well. So our worlds collided, but it ended up being an OK thing.

The new attendee who bonded the best, though, was the visiting dog, who was quite enamored of my pug, and vice versa. They were incredibly cute and happy playing together, but the poor blind corgi just stood their aimlessly barking all the time. I thought I was going to lose my mind at one point, when I was attempting to center myself and she kept doing her sharp bark at slightly irregular intervals. ANNOYING.

The energy in the room was a little difficult to deal with last night (but it was OK, EM, so you settle down, now). In the end, I finally chugged Ace Pear Cider, and I am so NOT a chugger. That let me just get silly. Luckily the silly 48-year-olds quite amused Tina and Kat.

Note: purple and lilac candy looks brown in candle light.

All righty, so everyone on my little email list just HAS to do this thing, so here is my list:

FOUR JOBS I HAVE HAD IN MY LIFE (before the current employment)

1. director at dysfunctional nonprofit organization
2. web designer
3. publications manager at mathematics software company
4. lowly worker at printed circuit board factory


1. Young Frankenstein
2. Clockwork Orange
3. Tommy
4. Best of Show


1. Gainesville, FL
2. Plantation, FL
3. Champaign-Urbana, IL
4. Austin, TX (and that is the ONLY four places)


1. Football
2. The Daily Show
3. Grey's Anatomy
4. Baseball


1. St. Thomas, USVI
2. Ireland/Wales/England
3. San Diego
4. High Point, NC (to see my daddy)


1. butternut squash
2. Mexican dulce de leche candy
3. guacamole
4. salmon sashimi


1. anywhere with my psychic twin
2. at a retreat with my distant women friends
3. see #1
4. see #1

1. Robin Wood Tarot
2. Knitting from the Top Down
3. Chicago Manual of Style
4. The Spiral Dance
(I don't read a lot of books over and over)


1. I don't pass these things on except via blog


1. He Who Never Comments or Answers Email

translation: at some point during the previous few days, Lee had brought up his desire to end his marriage, and his STBX moved out of his house. Sorry, I didn't write this down because of the lack of privacy issue. At some point AFTER that event, we became physically intimate. Yes, we were already emotionally intimate. I don't know how I could have prevented that. The important thing to note is that nothing occurred beyond hugging and kissing until after that talk.