I'll Have a Blue Solstice without You...

It's been a weird few days for me, emotionally. Really, there is nothing horribly wrong, but I am just having seasonal blues, I guess.

So...

HAPPY YULE OR SOLSTICE TO MY FELLOW CELEBRANTS!

We plan to celebrate by going to a former work colleague's house for a party, and maybe somewhere else. We can't stay too late, because, sigh, tomorrow my kids leave for 5 days in Wisconsin the the step-grands. I am glad they get to go, but I will miss seeing Beccano with His Precious Guitar (that's them in the picture), and I am worried about Tuba Boy, who seems to be separated from Lovely Girlfriend all of a sudden (they were perfectly fine when I last saw them at 11 pm last night, and certainly were ACTING friendly). And of course, he won't talk about it. I will certainly miss her cheerful presence, but more, I will miss HIS cheerfulness for the past month or so. It was so nice having him in a good mood. He even hugged me recently without me asking him to.

Of course, I'll still have Lee and Rose. They add cheer to the home. But I am also really sad at Gwynneth's declining ability to walk. I really feel bad for her, and she keeps getting worse, then getting better. So I don't know what to do.

Today we had the annual "choir service" at church, when we usually do some sort of lovely music full of holiday cheer. This year we had "the children" as they are always called at our church, to help. None of them would sing by themselves, so we also got "the parents." It was an entire program of the Best of Bing Crosby and the Muppets Christmas. Oh, and that Peanuts song. The program had a lot of hitches, drama, crying, whining and walking on the stage in tap shoes (what parent REALLY puts those on a kid to walk back and forth across a stage in?).

OK, so I am obviously grumpy, but I got a bad feeling during the whole thing, and I got less and less able to sing. I found out later that there was some upsetness off-stage that I was sort of tuning into, I guess. Nonetheless, I did a great job on a solo on the prelude to "Silver Bells," (which was supposed to be someone else's but she didn't show), and I did a really hilarious job making a horse whinny at the end of Sleigh Ride (the high school band should hire me next year). I just KNEW all those years practicing being a horse as a small child would come in handy later in life! Too bad I did not do as well on a descant later in that song, which the person who violently volunteered to do decided she didn't like the melody so she wouldn't.

What I have decided is that it is a GOOD thing I am not the leader of any group of volunteer performers. You sure get what you get. Choir members who skip most all the rehearsals then expect to be in the show. Ones who you can practically count on to get sick when they are the only one on a part, or the only member of their section who can actually sing. People who, when told what to wear to a concert, decide that applies to everyone BUT them. I am afraid I'd say something about these things, which of course does not encourage future participation. Glad I am just a grumpy over-achieving member of a small, not-too-talented church choir. And I am glad that for all their flaws, I am very fond of the choir members and their families.

Christmas Eve will be better. Lee has learned his part and I think I can start out "What Child Is This" on the right note. That is all I have to do. We just sing some carols, and the alto part is always d-d-d-d-d-b-d-d-d on those. Note that exciting "b" thrown in there!

I have two hours to get in a better mood, so I will resist the urge to do that by sampling the new Wild Turkey American Honey liqueur I got last night (after a lovely sushi dinner with Lee while the kids were at the Trail of Lights with the Tuba Section). (Tastes like Drambuie, only cheaper!) Heck, I have a lovely new red cowl-neck shirt and dark trouser-leg jeans (because that is what you were supposed to wear at church today), so I will look fine. Go me.

My solstice wish: that you take solace in friends and family during these challenging times and remember that there is beauty everywhere around you. Look for it!