Family Update

I figure I owe a family update, so here are some random news tidbits.

First, I am so sick of our barking dogs that I could scream. Every single thing that makes a noise sets Gwynneth off, then Scrunchy begins this awful small dog sound that really resembles coughing up his internal organs. Gwynn seems to have hurt herself, or gotten hurt pestering Buddy. She is limping again. I do not blame Buddy. When she gets all agitated she bounces around and barks in his face.

Tuba Boy has a new car. Sorta. There is a car in our driveway that looks very much like the one in this picture, but it still belongs to his dad, because he didn't buy it until just before he left, so the title has not been sent to him yet. There was no way to sign it over to me. So, I can't insure it. So, Tuba Boy's new car gets to sit in the driveway. But isn't it a nice car? I think it was a good choice, and is certainly in good shape for a 1995 Swedish people mover. The back seat will certainly hold a tuba. It drives pretty well, but sure requires some clutch and steering effort. I like it, though--it drives the way I like and is very comfortable. I think, once we get the title, change over the registration, and get his license renewed (also a pain in the butt thanks to needing a form from school, even to renew the darned thing), he will enjoy it. He has turned into a pretty good driver.

And here is Beccano's new toy. His dad got it for him as a late Christmas gift (because the original plan didn't work out--I ended up just buying the Rock Band software). Yesterday, when the kids were off from school, Beccano spent a lot of time making this thing do all sorts of tricks. He was very patient in figuring out what to do to complete the circuits to light up lights, sound buzzers, and such. I can see that lots of learning will happen with this little electronics lab, so I am glad he picked it. I really enjoy listening to his thought processes as he plays with it, too. He's also been playing a lot of guitar (got a blister from it!) and making much progress on the fine songs of Radiohead, which I don't know, so I have no idea if he's doing well or not. But he is learning to finger pick!

Beccano got a very interesting book called Dead Children Playing, which contains art from the people who do Radiohead's album art. It is really interesting, and I am intrigued by his choice of favorite artist. There's a lot to discuss in this very dark art. I love the techniques and ideas, especially the series of words seen on signs around various cities.

Lee is improving rapidly and I am so glad that the pneumonia is fading away. He is working normally and able to do a little around the house. I don't want him to push it, though, since his lungs are not healed yet, I am sure.

As for me, I am not feeling too well--seeing how bad the economy is going, and losing that ALE job because they have once again stopped hiring folks like me--that doesn't help. I've had a few friends with sad deaths in their families or scary illnesses, and that concerns me, too. I didn't get the usual optimism from thinking about people like MLK yesterday, either. I just feel bad that all his wonderful ideas are expressed so rarely any more. War, not peace, is what people seem to want. And hate, not love for people who differ from you is the norm. Not enough of us are saying aloud, "I don't like this!" because we are afraid of the consequences. Hope for the future? I do not see much.

So, love your families. I love mine. One happy note: my dad plans to visit. He hasn't been here in years.

Parental Anniversary Musings

Seventeen years ago today, this young fellow was two hours old. He's been a great companion all these years, and brought me immeasurable joy. I feel pretty bad that we can't do anything more for his birthday, but I bought Rock Band right after New Year's and he knew that counted as his birthday gift. Plus, I let him drive my car to school today, woo.

I'd hoped to take him and his two friends out to dinner, but neither can come. The girl's dad won't let her go to dinner. I can't quite fathom that. Now the hope is that Lee will feel well enough to go out to a nice dinner tonight. I think Lee is doing well enough to make it, especially since he isn't going to try to drag himself into ALE today. Doing that yesterday really knocked him out.

A big birthday complication is that his dad is bringing him a car, which he will be paying his dad back for in the fatherly quest to teach responsibility. Guess whose responsibility it is to arrange for the insurance for someone else's car that she doesn't even know the year on? Me. The unemployed person. Having the third car will be handy, though I don't look forward to all the parking ballet in our two-car driveway.

Other Things

I had a really weird couple of days battling my personal issues. For some reason I woke up one night feeling really lonely, like I had no one to talk to. A number of things led to it: good friends here in town announced they did NOT want anyone interacting with them while they dealt with a family problem. I had already not been speaking to the wife, who is someone I used to think of as a close friend, because that was the request. I feel so sad--apparently people in the women's group I used to belong to get to be supportive, but the rest of us are outsiders and not welcome. I'd thought this couple were my close friends, but I think it was mostly on my end. (Same with another supposed close friend who didn't invite me to his wedding--I think I don't have a good ability to tell when friends go from close to acquaintance.) So, I am spending a LOT of time telling myself that I am being a good friend by not saying anything, as they requested. And of course I want to honor the request and just send good vibes. I wouldn't have given advice, anyway--I am always so worried about saying something inappropriate that I try to let people lead the way on things like that, and just try to listen.

And speaking of inappropriate, I accidentally typed "aloud" my sad thoughts about an event one of my email lists is planning--they are all gleefully planning travel, arranging complicated seminars and events, which all sounds so great. I have been so sad that I can't make any plans due to my situation--when they started I had no vacation/sick days, and now I have no nothing. I am sure I am mostly jealous that others can plan fun events with friends and that is not in my range of possibilities (and my family can't visit me--pretty lonely). But, I didn't phrase my concern well at all and that lead to people wanting to analyze me and have me explain myself and...stuff I am not good at. Ugh. That sort of thing brings up all my huge issues with desertion, and the idea I have in my head that all the people who suddenly disappear from my life do so because I accidentally phrase things in an inappropriate way and it pisses them off, but I get no chance to explain what I meant.

I must say, even I grow tired of my neuroses.

I think a root issue is that I just wish I had someone to vent to so I could get it out of my system, and I am temporarily out of "venting" friends. My previous venting target I rarely hear from since I lost the job in Illinois and she got all involved in her new job and partner. I miss her so much--she didn't judge me at all. And that's what had me all sad: I felt like my local and distant friends have all been drifting away.

Note to readers: I realize this is all in my head, and it mostly doesn't come up unless I am depressed or down for other reasons. I realize this will pass. No, I am not suicidal or clinically depressed. I am just worn out from the money and illness stuff. Read the next part.

On the Other Hand

I am proud of myself that, when I woke up all upset about this stuff, I was able to remind myself that there ARE people to talk to. Lee is here when not sick. Jody is here when not consumed with her own stuff. (So they are temporarily unavailable.) And there are still some wonderful friends both here and elsewhere who have not gone anywhere and are still sending me sweet emails and posting helpful comments here. How could I forget them? I didn't! I remembered them, and have decided to concentrate on those folks. And I'll try to be more in contact with the good friends I just don't hear from as much as I'd like--at least I got one knitting friend to show up at the LYS last week.

So, I am less nutso than I think I am.

Nice Stuff

(This is what happens when I take a couple of days off, I have too much to say, and I veer from sad to happy--what can I say, I'm a Pisces and that means "emotion" in a big way.)

Sunday I got a chance to get away and hang out with Jody as she went on quests to buy spinning equipment. Mostly I just wanted to get out of the house--sitting by the phone gets tiring. I enjoyed looking at the countryside, meeting new people and looking at longhorns and horses. I was glad to be there to be supportive of her during a weird time, and that we could talk about our somewhat wishful future plans, family stuff, and yarn stuff. So, see, I have a friend! And I had some fun!

I am also having fun learning stuff in the community choir. I love choral arrangements of spirituals, and we are doing some of those. I think it's really smart for me to have done this. Cheers me up.

So all is well. All that angst is PAST angst, posted mainly to show what a weird thought process I sometimes have, but that I can get past it! OK?

HAPPY MLK DAY AND TUBA BOY'S BIRTHDAY!!

Update, the World

Texas Sage at Dawn
Originally uploaded by sunasak

In updates, no word from the band director last night, so I guess we really aren't wanted on the bus. Oh well, that is sad, but we can now leave early if we want and won't have to swelter at any point.

UPDATE to Update: OK, the band director just called and apologized and said all my points were reasonable and right. They are going to work on handling things differently, and we are welcome on the bus. (That will depend on if I feel like going, but I will try.) I think the deal is that I will wait to see exactly how well the parent who instigated the campaign against Lee on the bus grovels. Because I am most displeased with her behavior. She apparently asked about people bringing casual boyfriends on the bus, and when the director said no to that (thinking she was referring to something else entirely), she interpreted it as the legal guardian issue and immediately had my friend email me that Lee was not welcome. Hmph, wouldn't even direct her intolerance at me personally. The band director is a nice man. But there sure are some communication issues among the parents.

Back to the story...

Lee has some good job prospects, and almost had a shot at doing my old job at ALE, but he hadn't been gone long enough. Think good thoughts next week when he interviews for jobs with benefits!

Jeff's mother's health is slowly improving. And we saw him last night at Artz playing with old friends Danny Santos, Steve Brooks and Gerry Burns. The latest incarnation of Bluegrass Vatos, I guess. Beccano and Lee seemed to enjoy it a lot. I mainly enjoyed the updates on Steve and Danny, whom I hadn't talked to in a while. The band wasn't so hot (I missed Jeff's harmonies and guitar on Danny's songs).

The kids are going to go over to Singing Partner Bill and Carolyn's tomorrow to help Bill work on his New Fence Project (they built a huge road where the edge of his yard USED to be, long story). Tuba Boy is still earning points from the text message fiasco. Beccano just likes to smash rocks and get money. I am glad it's a home football game tonight so they will not get home too late.

The World

I have been thinking a lot about how there is so much hate, intolerance and sadness in the world. Having a wee bit of intolerance aimed my way didn't help, but I am also thinking about people in other places.

On NPR this week they had an audio diary of a young dentist in Iraq. I am glad they did this, because hearing a real person's voice makes things far away seem a lot more real and immediate. To hear his happiness when his team won a soccer championship, his fear when he talked about how people in his profession are targets, his ambivalence at perhaps leaving for safety but then losing contact with his family and friends...and then his tears and sadness when his best friend is kidnapped, tortured and beheaded...this really helps you remember that the VAST majority of people in all the war-torn, conflict-filled places are just folks like yourself. They just got born in the wrong place at the wrong time.

How can people treat each other the way the Iraqi factions do? The Palestinians and Israelis? The Pakistani factions? US gangs? (The list goes on...) I think it all boils down to fear. I really and truly believe that many, if not most, of the people doing the kidnapping, shooting, raping, bombing and all that do it from fear. They fear that if they don't hurt others, they'll get hurt. If they don't follow orders, the people in charge will come after their own families and friends. If they question authority, they won't get a chance to ask another question, ever.

I know we will probably never get to the Peaceful World Suna Envisions, just like a candidate with my political beliefs would never get elected. There is good and bad out there and always will be. But I sure wish there were some way that just the people wanting the power and the glory (the ambitious??--see Friday's feast) would be the one involved in conflicts. The ones putting their lives and agendas on the line. So that people who want to live and get along with their neighbors, even those with different beliefs, could just live their lives, raise their families and live without fear.

A lot of the time I am feeling sad for people who are just in the wrong place at the wrong time. I never forget that not much at all differentiates them from me. Not much at all.

Enjoy the photo of the plant in front of our house, taken at dawn this morning.