Aging and Changing

Suna
Originally uploaded by sunasak

Here's a picture of my latest hair incarnation. I didn't get a picture of it, but the hairdresser styled it bone straight after the cut. It was very interesting (shiny, too) and maybe I can try to do it again, now that I got a flatiron thing for the kids. But, it was not "me." This hair is me. And probably how I should keep it. The extra long hair had begun to bug me (it tangled from the curling action). This is a nice color and a nice length. And if you don't like curly hair, too bad. It's the way my hair is!

I am looking at this picture, and have been looking in the mirror. Lots of aging signs, though I really should not complaint too much--I have fewer than a lot of people. But weird wrinkles are happening around my lips, and my chin is icky looking. Getting wrinkles in there. They eyes aren't too bad, but they do wrinkle up when I laugh. Of course, it is good to laugh.

There is a lot of age prejudice around job searching. I wish employers would realize that my life experience means I learn quickly, not that I am hesitant to learn. And that if I started now, I'd be able to work another 25 years for them, knowing the health histories of my relatives. I have to say that the job search makes me feel old and tired, though most of the time I feel the same as ever, only with one or two little glitches. Not bad, really for almost 50.

I want to age gracefully, but when I see that the jowls are starting, and the chin has no definition, I do imagine being wealthy enough to get tweaked. On the other hand, what's wrong with looking my age (other than people not wanting to hire me because of it!)?

GRR (added later)

I had gotten a call from a place, and they said they wanted to talk to me about getting a new job. It was downtown, and the info said dress business. Sounded like a much better place. But I thought it was odd that they didn't mention any particular job, and that there was no website listed in the email they sent. I stewed for a while, but decided I didn't want to waste my time if this was not a legit thing. So, I went to the www that matched the email address I got directions from. Son of a gun. It's a place that tweaks your resume and tells YOU how to go get a job. For a FEE (though they cagily do not mention that on their site). I thought I finally got some job action. But, at least I am not wasting my time going out there tomorrow, and missing work time on top of that!

Optimism

I think optimism can take you pretty far in life--often you get what you expect. A cute story from my dad is what got me thinking about this.

Dad's next-door-neighbor is Hilda (that's not her in the photo--it's one of my relatives but looks sorta like her). She is a tiny, yet formidable woman with an incredible memory, superb knowledge of current events, and deep pockets for the charities she cares about. For years she was president of the Garden Club in the town where she lives--one that has amazing homes with huge, incredible gardens, because it used to be where people who owned furniture manufacturing companies lived (of course, all the factories are now in China, not North Carolina, though some execs are still in the town). So, Hilda has always driven Buicks. Last week, for her birthday, she traded in her old one and got a brand new car. She needs a car because she drives to the nearby hospital a couple of times a week to do volunteer work like cheer up the old people, feed them, read to them, etc. The kicker is that she bought herself this new car for her 99th birthday. Isn't that the best? She is optimistic enough to think she'll get a few years out of that car! And I wouldn't be surprised. She didn't let breast cancer get her down year before last, either.

My mom's side of the family is a lot like Hilda's--we live long lives. Other than my mother, who killed herself from smoking, they all live well into their 80s and 90s. I didn't think Saintly Aunt Belle would EVER go--she was too tough to die (she is the one in the picture). My dad's mother lived into her 90s, too, and most of his siblings are still going strong (exceptions were the hard-core smokers, once again). This hints that I have good genes. I am optimistic that I could live another 50 years, so I am only at the halfway point in life!

BUT...I have trouble being optimistic that the world I live in will be here for me. When I see the effects of human practices on the planet, when I see the direction in which politics is going (I strongly suspect that Dark Ages II: The Age of Theocracy is just around the corner), when I see how people treat each other...I wonder what kind of world I will see when I turn 99 like Ms. Hilda.

To counter this, I will try to focus on some of the good things I see in the world around me--because being optimistic HELPS. Loving others helps create a loving world. Kindness begets kindness. Learning leads to wisdom. I will be looking out for these things.

Sad about Dad

I heard from my dad today and it seems that he and his wife are way closer to choosing and moving into some Quaker retirement village than I realized. It's what my step-mother wants, apparently very badly. I feel really weird about it.

Of course it's their decision, and perhaps step-mother is less healthy than I thought (I do know she has some medical issues but they don't tell me a lot). And I know that a bunch of their friends (Friends friends, ha ha) think this is a good thing to do--I think you move into a separate condo place, then as you get less able to care for yourself you can go to assisted living, and so on.

But my father's in good shape, and is always very busy doing stuff around the house and yard. What will he DO with no house and yard to take care of? What will they do with their lovely things? (Maybe the retirement place is big?) The thought of my dad with no lawn to maintain in pristine perfection makes me feel very old. And useless, since I am of no help here and can't get out to see them with this brilliant contract work career going.

I am almost 50. My parents want to move to an old folks' home. This all will take some getting used to...but it's my job to be supportive of Dad, not whine about how it affects meeeee. No wonder my dad has not sounded too good lately; this can't be his idea of the ideal thing to do, but he would do anything to make her happy, and that is admirable. I wish I were able to talk to my brother--he is going to visit them this weekend. But, that's not to be.

Sigh. I just wanted to share.