I heard from my dad today and it seems that he and his wife are way closer to choosing and moving into some Quaker retirement village than I realized. It's what my step-mother wants, apparently very badly. I feel really weird about it.
Of course it's their decision, and perhaps step-mother is less healthy than I thought (I do know she has some medical issues but they don't tell me a lot). And I know that a bunch of their friends (Friends friends, ha ha) think this is a good thing to do--I think you move into a separate condo place, then as you get less able to care for yourself you can go to assisted living, and so on.
But my father's in good shape, and is always very busy doing stuff around the house and yard. What will he DO with no house and yard to take care of? What will they do with their lovely things? (Maybe the retirement place is big?) The thought of my dad with no lawn to maintain in pristine perfection makes me feel very old. And useless, since I am of no help here and can't get out to see them with this brilliant contract work career going.
I am almost 50. My parents want to move to an old folks' home. This all will take some getting used to...but it's my job to be supportive of Dad, not whine about how it affects meeeee. No wonder my dad has not sounded too good lately; this can't be his idea of the ideal thing to do, but he would do anything to make her happy, and that is admirable. I wish I were able to talk to my brother--he is going to visit them this weekend. But, that's not to be.
Sigh. I just wanted to share.
3 comments:
I am also watching my parents age. My step-father is aging faster than my mother. It's difficult.
Go ahead and be supportive of your dad and whine to your friends. We will be here to support you. It's part of our job description and why we get paid so well. ;)
I think that first realization of our own parents aging is really tough. My il's suddenly seem much older and I find it frightening even as a dil. I dread that time with my own mom.
((hugs))
Dear Suna,
Change is hard. I think that 50ish is an age when LOTS of change comes. OK, I know you've already had lots of change in your life.
Your dad is doing you a favor, and doing the right thing by finding a lower-mainenance home and lifestyle while he can still make the choices himself. My dad always said you should move to a retirement home when you are still "too healthy" to need it. Then he went and died before he could move anywhere. sigh
By the way, your tribute to Lee was beautiful :)
Patty
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