Holiday Hello

I have thought about posting here many times in the past few months. This year has been the kind of series of events that is hard to write down and hope to make any sense whatsoever. The ups have been very high and he downs very low. Since I am someone who dwells most comfortably in the "neutral" range, that means it's been rough on my fascinating collection of issues. Perhaps the most interesting discovery that I have made is that when things get unexpectedly better than I ever expected them to be...trying to figure out what to do about it is really stressful! Of course, I can learn to cope!

Holiday Stuff

First, let me share with any of you still reading this blog my little piece of holiday cheer--the kids playing music together for Lee's dad.

They had never played together before, but I sure hope they do it again. We spent Christmas with Lee's dad, who is dealing with some bad health issues. We have been visiting there at least monthly since we got Ursula the RV (he values his privacy, so staying in the trailer is a real invasion of space). I have grown to really enjoy the visits--it is fun watching Lee's dad enjoy his fancy new tractor and watching Lee and his nephew, who has been mostly staying in the area since Lee's dad has needed someone around these past few months, do stuff with each other. The farm has become a lot more organized, and a lot more fun.

For example, when there was a scary brush fire caused by a welding spark, a bunny got injured by the tractor. Lee's dad has been caring for it for a couple of months. It has really grown!

Bun Bun wishing it had more of that gourmet lettuce Suna brings

They lost half the hay crop that had just been baled, but saved the buildings! Yeah, stuff like this happened all year. But fun also happened. I got to play with the cows. Of course, the friendliest two are now someone's dinner. But one bull calf did get to become a Daddy Bull at a friend's farm. More cows are coming, too.

He was a sweetie pie.

I got a real Stetson hat. That is because it's the only thing that doesn't blow off in the heavy winds, and I can't see without a hat, due to my hair growing out. I look very official, don't I?

Why I Have So Much Western Gear and More Ups and Downs

I said there were ups and downs this year. Maybe it will be easier to just enumerate things. Then move on.

1. Jobs. I really loved working in the small office with the wonderful view and the wonderful coworkers and the wonderful lunches together. However, I did not love never knowing if there was actually something to do on any given week. When people began to leave, I decided to stop ignoring all those calls about other jobs and go for them. I had turned down one job this time last year, and resolved to not repeat that. I told myself I would take the first thing that came up, even a contract. There seem to be more jobs out there now, so I had more confidence I could find something else. So, I took a job at Dell. The pay was most excellent, and I learned about Agile Project Management and Oracle products. However, in the entire time I was there, no one ever said "hello" or "goodbye," or asked me how I was doing. I was spoken to about work and that's it (they were perfectly nice and very smart people, but sitting in a cubicle staring at a 200 page technical document with no breaks was more than a little tedious). So, I kept applying for "real" jobs and ended up having two offers at the same time--one for the job I didn't take last year and another very similar job that had more training to it. It was hard to decide, since the people were nice at both places, and while the second one paid more, the first one was much closer to home. I decided I would lose all that extra money in gas and traffic sitting hours, so I took the first position as contract to hire. Hip, hip, hooray they actually liked me and I am now full time there. It's a really nice company with good ethics, and I am doing better than I thought I would at doing nothing but making one e-learning module after another. They do let me do a bit of editing, too. So, ups and downs, yes, but it has ended on a big up. The people are fun, and I have made more good friends!

2. Life and Death. After a truly wonderful 80th birthday party, I hugged and hugged my dad before I left. I am glad I did, because 5 weeks later, his best friend died at the wheel of the truck he was driving. Dad was the middle passenger. They veered straight into Interstate traffic. The next two weeks were unbearably difficult. I went to NC and stayed as long as I could with him in ICU. That was horrendous. Since people read this, I will omit some of the reasons, but it is sufficient to say that emergencies bring out the worst in some people, and Dad married into that kind of family. Dad's funeral was not quite as bad, because I had my wonderful husband and kids with me, and my wonderful husband did a great job easing things for everyone. The ensuing issues with wills, property and other stuff were difficult, but my brother did a good job executoring. Hopefully at some point the remaining little bit of bucks in Dad's checking accounts will be taken out and that will be over with. Sigh. I cannot tell you how much I miss my dad. There are a lot of things that come up internally when something like this happens!

Dad's 80th Birthday

And it hasn't stopped. There have been some deaths of friends' family members that have been very sad, too. But, it's a part of life, and most of the time I bear that in mind and do OK.

3. Spirituality. The church I have attended for well over a decade continues to be a big ole source of stress, strife and difficulty. There are also good parts, which is why I have so much trouble separating myself. I guess it is a good thing we spend so much time camping, farming and ranching these days--being in nature settles my soul much better than crabby infighting ministers, power plays, political maneuvering and public displays of all of the above! They way people have treated fellow church members in the past few months appalls me. Much like how people on different ends of the political spectrum just say awful stuff about each other. Why on EARTH do that? These are your friends who have a different perspective from yours, not enemies. I have tried really, really hard to listen to everyone, act according to my conscience, and plug away, but it is very, very hard. I had loved singing in the rock group, but the leader moved away, and while choir is OK it is no longer much of a challenge--I feel like more of a hindrance than a help there these days (to be proactive, I have rejoined the choir I sang with a few times years ago, and hope that will be a fun experience over the next few weeks.)

Fun with Funkatonic

4. Windfalls. There have been opportunities opened up for us that we never foresaw, thanks to the concept of "mineral rights." Trying to figure out what to do with unexpected income? Save! But, savings have no interest nowadays. So, we are planning to invest in a place to retire to, part of a lovely ranch. We go there often. I hope to share more photos when we start making improvements.

Ranch, looking toward woods.

I love looking at the birds around the tanks (ponds), wandering in the woods, and exploring the fields. The place feels good. That's what counts. Obviously we are still working, so we won't be moving anywhere for some years, but it will be great to have a place to retreat to. I need it. The world is such a contentious, unpleasant place these days. I can cope better with some "hermit time."

There is more, way more. But at least I have sort of caught up on this year. Next year I hope will be calmer, with more travel (RV and otherwise) and fun with friends and family. Because for sure, friends and family are what counts most. It's been a transition period for friends, but the ones who remain are treasured all the more, and I feel fondness for the good times with those who have moved on to new adventures!

Music, Music, Music

It should come as no surprise that music makes me happy. I went through 19 years after high school where listened to music as a way to cheer up (or get further down, as the need arose), and didn't perform at all. I had sung all the time in high school, because I was in two choruses (hello readers who were Travelaires at Plantation High School in the 70s), and did some solos and ensemble work, too. I loved it all, from madrigals to popular stuff. But, something happened. I no longer even remember what it was, but it made me not want to sing in college, and avoid it for many years.

Only when I started going to the UU church here in Texas did I tentatively start singing again. I was worried I'd forgotten how to read music.I hadn't. And I have been singing with them for over a decade (I posted a choir photo one day last week, so am not repeating). I also have sung in two larger choruses, and have chronicled some of that back in the depths of this blog. Search for singing and you'll find them.

But I have to say that being a member of the rather large but happy group, Funkatonic, has really revived my joy of singing. I think it's fulfilled the rock and roll fantasies of a lot of us in the band, which is mostly over-thirty former musicians of one sort or another (plus  Beccano the teen bass player and our teen flute specialist). Here I am singing, as you can tell, "Ooh, Baby Baby" in my Linda Ronstadt-esque way. The words are up there because this was a "hymn" and the audience sang along. OK, fine. But I got to wear my shiny 70s belt and my t-shirt from an obscure Welsh 70s band.

Funkatonic, by J. Montgomery

We are all having a great time. And to prove it, here's the rest of the family, also having a great time.

The guitar dudes rocking out.

We are all just having so much fun. No, it isn't perfect. But it is fun. Music should bring joy, and I assure you, our music does. We all keep grinning about how great it is we get to do this in public! (Sort of public, anyway.) I am sure glad we've had the opportunity to perform rock in this setting, though I also know it can be too loud for some folks. Don't know how to please everyone, but they do provide a lot of different kinds of music at the church, which is fun! And fun is the theme to this entry. Glad there is fun in my life.

So, if you want to, indulge in this video clip, which I am grateful for Jon Montgomery for getting for us. The audience blocks a lot of us (poor Becano is behind the fellow in blue on the right).

Oh, and did you want to know more about the obscure Welsh rock band my shirt depicts? It's Budgie, and the shirt looks like the top one on this page. I definitely would have won the most obscure rock band t-shirt contest, if we'd had one. Of course, actual credit goes to my coworker, T., who remembered the band and pointed me to them, and my younger son, who got me the shirt.

Well, it's been a chilly beginning of spring, but I know it will be too hot before I know it. I am still working on getting some employment, and had an interview today that I hope went well. At least I met some nice folks and got to see an old friend today, so it was worth it. See what a great attitude I am getting from posting all these things that bring me joy? It's working! I feel better!


  

Chalice Circles!

Continuing in my new theme of writing about something that brings me joy every day, let's talk about chalice circles. I am participating in two of these at the Unitarian Universalist church I attend. I facilitate the Tarot and Spirituality group and participate in the Project Linus group (if you have seen that big square afghan I made, it was for that group). A Chalice Circle is like a covenant group or small group ministry (see this link to another UU church's definition) in many churches. A consistent group of people meet monthly or weekly or whatever they like, and create community based on some common purpose.

Some of them deal with generic topics, like "personal growth," while others are very specific (such as the group I am in that makes quilts and afghans for a nice charity). The UU ones ask that you have a set program so that people are reminded they are in something like a small church service. In the Tarot and Spirituality Chalice Circle, we light a candle, have a reading, and do a check-in, plus whatever the theme of the meeting is. The Project Linus group is more informal and likes to get right down to quilting (or knitting in my case).

What brings me joy is how healing the tarot Chalice Circle has been, not just for me, but also for all the participants. As churches grow, they change, and some of us have been less than pleased with some of the changes in our worship services. We missed the sharing and community strengthening aspects mostly. It has been great to share with the members of our group, learn about ourselves, and enjoy the insights of others while we learn about tarot. It makes me so happy to facilitate a group that helps others (I have missed that part of being in the Dysfunctional Nonprofit Organization). And as a side benefit, we can feel like active participants in the church we love even if we don't attend services often or at all (note that we do have a couple of non-church participants--that's another advantage of Chalice Circles--you don't have to be a church member to participate).

In today's society, it is hard to make new friends, and even harder to become really close to others. Where I live, the people like me (politically and socially liberal, agnostic, pagan, sorta New-Agey) are quite scattered. It has been great to get to know better a group of people I know with whom I have many things in common. Of course, we have enough differences to make it interesting and facilitate learning! I am so grateful to everyone who takes the time to come to the meetings (they are held in our home--that's the preferred setting). These people keep me centered, help me feel like I am a part of something, and keep my urges to hide at bay.

I encourage any of you who read this to seek out ways to build a close-knit community and grow closer to other humans where you live. A knitting group, a book club, bird watching...whatever your interest is, you can find a group of people and get to know them. It may take a few tries, too. Not every group is automatically compatible or grows close. But when it works, a small group can keep you going when times get rough, and share your joys when things go well!

For more on Unitarian Universalism or to see if there are Chalice Circles where you live, check out the UUA website.

Vacated

That means we went on a vacation.

You aren't hearing much from me because I am still a grumpy old woman (though nothing is horrible, just normal issues and some health challenges). But how can you be grumpy when a cute dog like Bella comes to visit the office? She belongs to coworker Ted, who just dropped by for a few minutes today to fill out some forms. This is a very interesting shepherd/greyhound mix dog (look at the size of those ears!), who was shy but is getting lots better. I hear about her a lot, so it was great to meet her.



Good news is that Lee, Beccano and I had a mini-vacation over the weekend. We went on the trip to Port Aransas/Mustang Island that has been sponsored by our church every year for a long time. We hadn't been able to go since high school started, due to football games, but this year McNeil had an off week on the right weekend. We decided to take the leap and go. I am glad we did.

We took zillions of photos, all of which are still on the camera--Lee has uploaded them but not me. So, here are the few I took with my phone, which are of people gathered at a potluck. Hello, church people.


It was nice to be around a compatible bunch of folks. It reminds me of what I have liked about the church, even with all the turmoil and issues. It's changing to a different type of church now, but these folks are still the old-school slightly weird people who are there more for community than for how polished the Sunday services are. I do hope the people who are there for a professionally smooth, generic service enjoy that...but I am working on figuring out how to get more community and less generic-ness without having to lose the community. It is nice to know I am not the only one with this issue.



Mostly the guys and I hung around with each other and watched lots of birds feeding (really close to the shore--a great view) and looked at what was in the water. I have never seen the Texas water as clear as it was this weekend. It was as clear as the Caribbean. We saw glowing jellyfish at night, which was also neat--they were little bitty ones that did not sting (though something stung me on the foot, or cut it--I have a moist healing band-aid fixing that right now).

We went to one of those sort of run-down family restaurants for some fish for lunch on Saturday, and it was delicious. Beccano gave the waitress and cook a bit laugh by answering the question, "How do you want your fish cooked?" with "Medium well." We laughed at that one for a couple of hours, and he was good natured about it. He got it grilled!

The birds and scenery were so nice. But the mosquitoes were really scary. I keep forgetting about them. But, not now. I am covered in red marks.

Sunday we beached a bit then went to visit Lee's dad for a while on the way home. Getting there was made stressful by a line for the ferry. Sometimes I wish I could fix things beyond my control, but I tend to just accept them. That doesn't work for everyone, though...and it did not help that I was not feeling well. But, once we got to Lee's dad's house, it wasn't too bad. Even Beccano had a good time driving around the little Mule vehicle that was hanging around. Good driving practice! I got to start the new tractor. That was good for me. I felt very tall and bouncy on the air seat.

The vacation was good. I even got relaxed by the end.

Work is fine, honest. I am enjoying what I am doing and getting to do a lot of new stuff. I think I still get to stay. And tomorrow I get to go to the eye doctor. With insurance. Wow, what a concept.

I am just trying not to worry about how I will do with Lee gone for three weeks soon. It isn't that I can't cope when I am alone. It's just that too many times when someone has gone away, they have come back and left for good after that. But, not all patterns HAVE to be repeated, right?

See why I am not blogging much? My mind is in a strange place. I miss Tuba Boy. I worry about Beccano and school. I get tired of people and politics. I dislike having to sacrifice time with people I like to avoid people who I can't handle right now. Mooshy old Suna. I feel sorta like Beccano looks. Wary and gun-shy. But not sure why.

Woo Doggies

It's been another emotionally rough week for me. I am still really unhappy with how people have been treating each other. I am watching less television news and blocking some people's Facebook feeds. That helps. And I had a great conversation with some coworkers at lunch one day that made me feel a lot better about how world events are going and what we can do about it. For the most part, I work with incredibly bright people who can share ideas without shutting down the conversation. I have learned a lot from them, and mostly am relieved that these incredibly bright people mostly see things the way I do.



Other worried involve losing communities I care about. My grumpiness has led me to avoid large group gatherings, so I haven't hung around the knitting shop lately. And the need for money has been leading my church community toward a much less unique format that focuses on growth and recruiting new members and less on the things that made it a unique oasis for people for whom a traditional church format didn't work. I am trying to find ways to handle it productively. I joined a new women's group (where I feel very young!) and am taking the classes required to start a "chalice group" (small group ministry). I hope to start a group that focuses on tarot and spirituality, so I will be able to grow close to a small group with similar interests. I hope this is a productive way of handling my issues, rather than whining or talking to the wrong people who will say useful stuff like, "oh, you are just not good with change," or "it's just an experiment." Hmm. I heard THAT at the Dysfunctional Nonprofit Organization, a lot. They're still firmly enmeshed in their craziness.



In good news, we decided to go to Padre Island next weekend with a small group from our church. I used to love to go to those weekends in the Olden Days. There are just 10 groups going, so it should be nice and intimate. I am so glad there is no football next weekend so we could do it! The months after that will be band and more band! This will be Lee's and my first "vacation" with at least one of my kids. And our first outing of more than one day, if we can get dog care!

The other thing I am sorta worrying about is that Lee is going to be teaching in Arizona for most of next month. I am glad he got the new job, but won't enjoy that much time apart. I guess I thought these things were a week at a time, at most. I am sure I can handle it--at least Beccano will be here. Guess I will knit a lot.

Well, I actually had a lot of things to write about, but the wonderful rain we have been having the past few days (yes, we sure needed it!) has really done a number on my poor sinuses. Take care, my 3 readers, and if you want to send me encouragement, you know where to find me!

Labor Day. Hmph. Building Dedication. Yay.

It is Labor Day in the US. This holiday honors workers. Well, some of them. It honors workers with traditional jobs that have paid holidays, benefits, and such. These lucky folks get a paid day off work every September to rest, shop and hang out with their families.

However, in the US, more and more companies are outsourcing the kind of work I do. That is how Lee lost the job he had when we met. Those of us doing instructional design, tech writing or editing who were laid off from that particular company (and there were more just a week or two ago) are now wandering around Austin looking for work. Most of us need to settle for contract work. ALE only lets you work 9 months at a time, then you must take three months off. Other places have shorter or longer terms. But you never get to relax a bit and concentrate on a job--you are either just learning one or winding down and frantically looking for another one.

And what do contractors do on Labor Day? We sit at home and lose money. No pay for us. I am not sure how Labor Day is honoring us. And gosh, I hope none of us get sick or hurt on Labor Day, since we have no insurance. And it feels so good knowing most of our country's citizens do not give a hoot if we have any or not. If we wanted insurance, we should just go out and get a REAL job. Um, do you have one for me?

I sound bitter. I am trying not to be bitter. It's hard seeing how people in the US are dividing themselves into factions and picking on each other. Respect has been replaced by fear. Fear of each other and our elected officials. Wow, I did not approve of practically anything our previous administration did, but I did not attack his fans, make up reasons to hate anything he did, or prevent my children from listening to him.

Let's talk about something else.

Look, here are some nice photos. This is Rebecca, our choir director at church, hoping she can avoid talking (she didn't) at a really nice ceremony we had that dedicated the music building (an old school portable building) at our church to our beloved founding member, Bill Sauber. He left us a good amount of money for our music programs when he passed away, so we decided to honor him by dedicating the building to him.


Joe, our music committee chair, read Bill's obituary (from 2005), and then 4 or 5 of us shared some memories.
Here I am with the sign we had made and a couple of pictures of Bill. He was a great musician and very intelligent man. I learned a lot from singing with him. He also was an original member of our church, back when it was a lot of fun and very family oriented. Sorry the photo is blurry--no one believes me when I tell them they have to hold the phone still when taking photos with it!

Ricky, the choir director's husband and official church carpenter, hung the sign. What you don't see are all the "helpers" telling him exactly where to hang it. That was pretty funny. Thanks to Sam for taking the picture when my camera filled up.


Lots of good stuff has happened this weekend, tempering my bitterness. Tuba Boy came home for dinner both Saturday and Sunday nights, and I really enjoyed getting to hear how he is doing, what fun he's having, and what he's learning. I really cracked up when he told me in great detail about how he and his dorm companions built a fort in the common area. What a hoot. They are all crawling in there and watching movies on their laptops. Lots of kid left in those young adults!

And as I mentioned on my knitting blog, I taught a bunch of people at a MENSA conference yesterday. Everyone was darned nice and they had some interesting sessions, like clock making. They also had a margarita machine, so they seemed like a fun bunch. I am glad a nice family from church invited me to do this!

Oh, and it rained twice this weekend. Unfortunately one of those welcome rain events (we are in the worst drought in like a hundred years) came during this Friday's football game. Lots of lightning kept the players and band in shelter (buses for us) for about 1.5 hours, but eventually they let us out and had the game. As you can see, it did rain. Don't we look festive in our yellow?

Not only were we wet, but the game was awful. Whew, our team was bad. That always makes sitting on hard aluminum even less fun! On the other hand, it has also been the hottest summer ever here, and the rain kept the temperatures down. So, it could be worse!

More updates next week!

Catch-up 3: Senior Bridging Ceremony

One of the neat traditions of our church is the senior bridging ceremony, which acknowledges that high school seniors and home schooled students who are heading to college are now adults in the eyes of the community.
Here are most of our seniors (one was late and I have no idea what happened with another one, plus a third is still at her boarding school, where she turned her life around for the better). They all appear to be looking with some apprehension toward the future!
Tuba Boy is receiving his box in this picture, as Rev. Kathleen (remember her from the wedding?) beams on. What is the box? Every year, Patty, who is handing over the box, makes a lovely little "instant Unitarian Universalist service" box for each senior. In it are various things that will allow a student to set up a little UU altar in his or her dorm, apartment or room! It has a tiny chalice and candle (UUs, for some reason, put flaming things in chalices rather than water--more info at uua.org). There was also some incense, which has already been burned, and some symbols of the four directions, and a nice booklet of UU sayings. It is a very sweet tradition.
Apparently, some very good joke was told after Tuba Boy got his box, which made the adults (all UU "elders" who have been in the deonomination at least 25 years) laugh their heads off. The girl at right says the look on her face scared her own self!

I was so glad that I convinced my son to go to the ceremony. I think it meant a lot to him, and I know the congregation loved seeing the kids.

Up and Down!

The last few days have definitely had their ups and downs. Rather than wax philosophical, I'll just give you some examples. The photos you see here are part of one of the "ups" I'm talking about. This is Dan of Danny Ray's Music (remember, he was my first Wednesday Wonder--now they have a better website) pretty darned excited to be opening the case of a new guitar. The guitar I had ordered for Tuba Boy in November. It finally came on Friday! I took a series of photos of him taking it out of the box, opening the case, etc., and I'm showing three of them here. Isn't it pretty? It's a Schechter Corsair with optional Bigsby thingie on it. So what's down about this? Poor Tuba Boy set off for Dallas on Friday for a debate tournament. He came home for three minutes this afternoon then ran off to work. He'd been patiently waiting for this new lifelong companion (OK, maybe not so patient--he asked me close to daily whether it was here yet or not), but has had to wait three extra days to see it thanks to his schedule. Oh well, I know he will love it.

Saturday was mostly good, but there was the downer that I seem to have been attacked by allergies again. Still, I got to see a few knitting friends, do some teaching, and go with Lee to get some wonderful outdoor furniture for the new patio (we'd been waiting and waiting for Home Depot to get some in, so we could use wedding gift certificates on it. Photos of that will come as soon as there's light to take a picture. Lee had quite the challenge putting it all together. That makes two weekends in a row of putting together furniture for him.

We did take some time out Saturday night to have an early Valentine's Day, since the kids were both otherwise occupied (Beccano was with his dad). Lee made the big sacrifice of going to a loud restaurant, and took me to Z Tejas. I love that place. We did have a delicious meal. We had these sizzling dumplings with shrimp and pork in them for appetizers, and for the meal I had crispy salmon with an amazing avocago/crab salsa on it, while Lee had seafood enchiladas. He had some rich chocolate pie for dessert. My dessert was a mango margarita. I probably paid for that with a poor night of sleep (that would be a "down") but it was worth it to me. As we were leaving I said we needed to go to a store to get dark chocolate to put in my Big Bowl of Self Esteem for my big boss at work. Then I heard, "Hi, Sue Ann!" and there was the big boss, right behind us! Good thing I hadn't said anything bad about him ('cause I don't have anything bad to say, actually--nice dude).

Today was a real mix. We did a song I like a lot in choir and I think it went OK. I hope we went up to the front and exited fast enough. And we got new church t-shirts, whee. Unitarian Universalist shirts are always so so lovey-dovey. But, they are cute.

After that, I am very proud of myself. I got through a music committee meeting AND a steering committee meeting. I had not been to a steering committee in a number of years, since some guy insulted me, called me names and raised his voice at me and no one defended me. The dude was mistaken, but I decided it wasn't worth trying to participate if I couldn't feel safe. I hadn't felt safe there for a while at that point, anyway. I finally decided things had changed enough that I could go back, and I decided I was needed again, too. Go me.

Of course, there was a down today. Darn me. I was a little stressed with all the meetings (I must have unresolved trauma or something, bwa ha ha). And I managed to leave my brand-new just-finished sock AND my Blackberry in the little room where the music committee had met. This was in a building I do not have a key to. Darn it!! Wah! I do hope I can go fetch it tomorrow at lunch. What if I missed an important text message? A fantastic job offer! Free ring tones! ACK!

I guess I'll survive. Anyway, those were my ups and downs, thank you very much. Now Lee, Beccano and I are enjoying the Grammys. I am now going to admit to this: I thought Miley and Taylor singing a duet about being teens was very, very sweet.

I'll Have a Blue Solstice without You...

It's been a weird few days for me, emotionally. Really, there is nothing horribly wrong, but I am just having seasonal blues, I guess.

So...

HAPPY YULE OR SOLSTICE TO MY FELLOW CELEBRANTS!

We plan to celebrate by going to a former work colleague's house for a party, and maybe somewhere else. We can't stay too late, because, sigh, tomorrow my kids leave for 5 days in Wisconsin the the step-grands. I am glad they get to go, but I will miss seeing Beccano with His Precious Guitar (that's them in the picture), and I am worried about Tuba Boy, who seems to be separated from Lovely Girlfriend all of a sudden (they were perfectly fine when I last saw them at 11 pm last night, and certainly were ACTING friendly). And of course, he won't talk about it. I will certainly miss her cheerful presence, but more, I will miss HIS cheerfulness for the past month or so. It was so nice having him in a good mood. He even hugged me recently without me asking him to.

Of course, I'll still have Lee and Rose. They add cheer to the home. But I am also really sad at Gwynneth's declining ability to walk. I really feel bad for her, and she keeps getting worse, then getting better. So I don't know what to do.

Today we had the annual "choir service" at church, when we usually do some sort of lovely music full of holiday cheer. This year we had "the children" as they are always called at our church, to help. None of them would sing by themselves, so we also got "the parents." It was an entire program of the Best of Bing Crosby and the Muppets Christmas. Oh, and that Peanuts song. The program had a lot of hitches, drama, crying, whining and walking on the stage in tap shoes (what parent REALLY puts those on a kid to walk back and forth across a stage in?).

OK, so I am obviously grumpy, but I got a bad feeling during the whole thing, and I got less and less able to sing. I found out later that there was some upsetness off-stage that I was sort of tuning into, I guess. Nonetheless, I did a great job on a solo on the prelude to "Silver Bells," (which was supposed to be someone else's but she didn't show), and I did a really hilarious job making a horse whinny at the end of Sleigh Ride (the high school band should hire me next year). I just KNEW all those years practicing being a horse as a small child would come in handy later in life! Too bad I did not do as well on a descant later in that song, which the person who violently volunteered to do decided she didn't like the melody so she wouldn't.

What I have decided is that it is a GOOD thing I am not the leader of any group of volunteer performers. You sure get what you get. Choir members who skip most all the rehearsals then expect to be in the show. Ones who you can practically count on to get sick when they are the only one on a part, or the only member of their section who can actually sing. People who, when told what to wear to a concert, decide that applies to everyone BUT them. I am afraid I'd say something about these things, which of course does not encourage future participation. Glad I am just a grumpy over-achieving member of a small, not-too-talented church choir. And I am glad that for all their flaws, I am very fond of the choir members and their families.

Christmas Eve will be better. Lee has learned his part and I think I can start out "What Child Is This" on the right note. That is all I have to do. We just sing some carols, and the alto part is always d-d-d-d-d-b-d-d-d on those. Note that exciting "b" thrown in there!

I have two hours to get in a better mood, so I will resist the urge to do that by sampling the new Wild Turkey American Honey liqueur I got last night (after a lovely sushi dinner with Lee while the kids were at the Trail of Lights with the Tuba Section). (Tastes like Drambuie, only cheaper!) Heck, I have a lovely new red cowl-neck shirt and dark trouser-leg jeans (because that is what you were supposed to wear at church today), so I will look fine. Go me.

My solstice wish: that you take solace in friends and family during these challenging times and remember that there is beauty everywhere around you. Look for it!

Improvements, of All Sorts

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Today I have too many things to blog about. We'll see how far I get!

Samhain was not the usual festival of pagan fun and frolic it usually is in our family, due to a football game's interference. But, there was an improvement: the football team managed to win--finally they found an offense worse than our defense and vice versa. Oh well, the other team's band was good. The highlight for me was that there was a feature of the drumline and percussion pit, where they all wore sunglasses. The lowlights were twofold: first, one of my little charges fell and hurt his head, which made me worry about him, and second, the cuteness of senior recognition night was marred by not seeing my own senior in the group. Sniff. At least there's one more game, and I am proud that he took a lot of responsibility in the debate tournament our school hosted.


The church grounds got an environmental improvement award today. Hella has worked very hard for the past few years, and I have showed you photos of her gardening work before on these pages. Well, today she got an award from the county native gardening society (I totally forget the actual name of the folks, but they were real nice) for her work on the grounds of our church, from the beautiful front garden to the wildflowers, to the perserved woods around the labyrinth (where the wedding will be!). We are really proud of her. The photo shows Hella, minister Kathleen and the organizational representative at the ceremony in the gardens this afternoon (below is a butterfly from the garden--it's just full of monarchs right now). We also celebrated the 90th birthday of a church member and the purchase of a tent for people in Darfour by our youth group. All of that is fine stuff!

My wedding prep is also improving. Today I met with Elizabeth, the newly minted chef who volunteered to make our wedding cake. She is taking it very seriously, with her notebook and list of recipes from the culinary academy. Unfortunately, she doesn't own the pans and stuff, so I will get them for her (she needed a graduation gift anyway, LOL). And her kitchen is cramped, so she is going to bake the cakes at our house. We'll be seeing a lot of her that weekend, since she, her boyfriend and her mom are also joining us for Thanksgiving. That leads to another improvement: that doesn't stress me out at all. I think we will all have fun, and with my sister to help me cook, it should be OK. See, what a great attitude! The cake(s) will be really nice, too, especially if I find the great cake toppers I hope to find. (I did find one, which will be a surprise, thanks to Jennifer in Florida's suggestion to check Etsy for them.)

And finally, there is home improvement. Most of our projects are finished, and we are very happy with the work the contractor and crew performed. There's a little paint on the carpet, and some stain on the inside of the door that should not be there, but otherwise it's great.

I am including a bunch of photos here for your enjoyment or snoozing, as you see fit. Here are some of the things to look for (not using bulleted lists because Blogger's photos and bullets don't interact very well on some browsers):

***The walls are a nice shade of light tan, no longer orangey. It is slightly different from what it used to be, but if you don't have a sample of the old color, you'll never know.

***We have gutters. We used to only have them in the front. They even put those nice ending things on them, so the rain won't mess up the flower beds or lawn.

***The main trim is a nice deep green, and that scary rust color is the under-trim, and what you see around the windows. I really, really like how it looks on the back of the house. it used to be extremely bland and ugly. Now it looks warm and inviting, at least to me, so don't ruin my illusion, OK? The colors almost make it look "craftsman-like" around the back door and side.

***Around the front door there is more green than there used to be, and what you can't see is that they painted the porch ceiling, way up there, the rust color. Quite a touch. And the front door is stained a much darker brown than it used to be. I am not sure if it is my ideal color, but I picked it, so it's my fault! At least it no longer looks sad and worn out.

***The garage doors are the only part of the house with a lot of the rust color. But I think it looks great. Unfortunately, part of the door broke, so they are having to replace some of the panels. There is extra paint, whew. What pleases me most about the garage is that some horrible-looking warped boards from our house's initial cheap trim are GONE. The house looks great from a distance, or will when the construction debris is gone and the motorcycle no longer decorates the lawn. I hope we can get it in the garage one day!

***Then there is the new patio! I am so happy to use the bricks left over from building the house for something other than my endless poorly constructed flower-bed edgings. The guys still are going to stain the concrete and edge the Texas paver in the rust color. Everyone thinks it is oh-so-cleverly U of Texas, but well, I am not too fond of that place right now, so I am hoping it adds to resale value!

It's hard to describe how good I feel about these repairs and improvements. I was really worried for a few years that I would not be able to keep the house up without the help of the big salary of my ex. What I have made has let me cover utilities and the mortgage, but not left a lot of savings for these kinds of things--those of you who have read for a long time know that every time I have saved a bit, something big has broken--like an air conditioning unit or a roof. I really appreciate that Lee is welling to join with me and get this stuff done! I feel like, even in these hard times, we can make it. We are a team! And I am not going to lose the house, at least for a while!

Another improvement is my self improvement. I have actually enjoyed the last few days of presidential campaigning. McCain was funny on Saturday Night Live, and I have been so happy to see some of the folks coming out for Obama...it is moving. I just hope all our votes count.

I've been reading my book on highly sensitive people and work. I figured out why I stopped reading it before--it was hitting the nail on the head about my March-May job a little too precisely. No wonder I was miserable. Sometimes it helps me to remind myself about how my personality works. Not that it's bad; it's just different from the majority. Other people's personalities and attitudes affect me more than some people. And doing meaningless work where you don't feel like you are contributing just doesn't work for me, at all. I am going to try to figure out how to do what is best for me--which seems to be a rather more independent set-up than I've had since I left the Dysfunctional Nonprofit Organization. But for now, I have found a nice spot in ALE where I do feel like I am making a contribution and am doing one of my favorite things. This is enabling me to recover a bit. The book says that a really bad job can make an HSP get post-traumatic stress syndrome. I don't know about that--it seems a bit much, but, I do relish the chance to rest and recuperate, on my way to the next adventure!

Well, it is late, and I know I have forgotten some things. Oh, here's a plug for Guitar Girl's guitaring. Go see how well she did in a windy outdoor location last week!

Band and Church, or a Normal Weekend in October

Here's one of Lee's band pix. That's our kids, with the award-winning Dancing Pilgrims waving the yellow flags. Beccano's the far right vibraphone, which you can sort of see when the picture is enlarged.

So, anyway, another weekend came and went. A fine and restful Friday evening was followed by a long stint of teaching knitting and visiting with knitters on Saturday. It was Yarn Crawl weekend, so I did manage to meet a few people from my knitting email list. And I got to chat with friends. That was followed by the long haul to Kyle, Texas to watch the USBBA contest (one of many they sponsor). Like Lee said, it was very entertaining, and they had pretty good food. And since the color guard and percussion both did great, coming in third wasn't too bad. I know the kids had fun (though today mine are NOT wanting to rehearse for three hours at the Palace). The big deal, the UIL competition, is next weekend. Fingers will be crossed for that one.

And it is homecoming week. I will see if anyone makes their mom or band friend a mum, but mostly I will enjoy what the kids do. It's fun to listen in on their planning. One band friend is playing music at the carnival, and I wish I could see that. I just love the young people, I do. Their humor cheers me up in times o' trouble such as now.

Yesterday after suffering through church (we were so tired...) we spent the day mostly cleaning the house so that people from church could come by and have a potluck and get canvassed. Beccano did he vacuuming, and I am happy that the new one is quieter than the previous one. I am wondering if maybe there was something wrong with the red one all along. At the dinner (ribs, soup, salad, bread and very decadent dessert) we actually did talk a little bit about church, but mostly we talked about politics and world events. Beccano said we laughed very loud. Tuba Boy poked his head out to correct some political information, which I enjoyed. Even though preparing is a pain, I end up happy with having people over. And the music room looked nice as a dining room once again.

Other than all the dogs seem to be less healthy than usual, everything seems OK. I invited more people to the wedding--remember, you can come, too! Just go to the link and say you'll be there! I still don't think Lee has invited his people, but maybe he sent personal emails instead. I hope we have some people! At least guests now outnumber the wedding party! Now I have to think about the ceremony, but can't bring myself to wade through the tons and tons of info Linda the Officiant sent me. I better do it...

Great Weekend of Happy Things

Singing at Church
Originally uploaded by sunasak

It was quite a celebratory weekend--without the weight of Lee needing a job on us, it was easy to do fun things and feel good. The picture shows what we did this morning. Lee, Bill, Beccano and I played all the music at today's peace-themed church service. Here we are singing "Rocky Mountain High," a song about someone who finds inner peace. I admit it, ever since this was my favorite song when I was 14, I dreamed of getting to sing this in front of a crowd. Maybe hokey, but the words to this are actually pretty nice. We also did "One Tin Soldier," which people my age from the US will remember from endless viewings of the fine film Billy Jack. Beccano terms this number "rockin'". He really liked his bass part.

Indeed, one of the special things about today's performance was that it was Beccanos' first public guitar performance. He did great! It was also a first for me, because we sang a song I wrote. This was the first time anyone ever agreed to play anything I wrote. I just couldn't think of a song about peace and its importance, at least the kind I wanted, so I just wrote it myself. And I remembered to keep it simple. I think everything else I ever tried before was way too complex. Bill even said nice things about the song in front of the whole congregation. Honest, though, while it isn't a greatest hit song, it does say something nice and is sort of catchy:

I am a warrior for peace.
With fierce determination my quest will never cease.
'Till peace fills every land, I vow to take this stand,
For I am a warrior for peace.

Deep stuff, huh.

After church, we goofed off a bit and took some photos. We need to do our wedding announcement soon, so Beccano took some photos of me and Lee, and then Lee took a few of me and Bec. They really do look like we're having fun--one of my friends' husband was looking at them on Flickr and he told her how happy we all look. Amazing how a little stress relief can help! And if Tuba Boy were here, he'd be happy too--he got his first debate trophy yesterday, and that is about time! As a reward, I gave the kids permission to go see Weezer in concert. I hope that is how you spell it!

The rest of the day has been just fine. The weather is nice this time of year, and I sat outside for a while and watched Beccano sand on his piece of wood shaped like a guitar. He just got two books on building your own guitars, so it's the start.

And Lee made me melted cheese on crackers for dinner, just like my mom used to. Aww.

Here's one of the photos of me and my boy. You can hardly tell we are related, can you?

Yesterday!

Yesterday was also a very nice day. The plan was to head down south for some wedding dress shopping with my friend Katie, but on my way I got distracted by people on the side of the road offering free Obama stickers. They led me to the Williamson County Democratic Party HQ, which was a nirvana of "people like me." I got three bumper stickers, including one for a candidate whose beliefs really match mine, and a yard sign for another local do-gooder, though they were out of Obama ones. I got two t-shirts, but the kids are so fashion conscious that they will not wear size large shirts. Fine, then, Lee and I can say we think a black dude can be our Prez.

So, emblazoned with liberalism, I did make my way to south Austin, where I got the patiently conservative Katie and drove to New Braunfels, host city to Celebrations, the place to shop for wedding attire in the area. This place had sold Katie's mother her wedding dress and Katie her wedding dress (and prom dresses and every other formal she ever went to). The same woman is still doing the alterations. She certainly must know how to make this matron look good. The place was as nice as Katie said it would be, and the people there were patient and helpful. I tried on every red dress in the store, and sure enough, one of them was just right. It is exactly the color I wanted, has sleeves, has a lovely neckline and just enough sparkle. Katie was really cute about not wanting to pressure me into getting that particular dress, but really, it is just right. Also, it is the one that would look best with my wedding shawl. I am glad I got to get one that didn't have a jacket, which would have made the shawl harder to wear.

After making the largest clothing purchase of my life, we were hungry, so Katie took me to the nicest restaurant in town, Huisache Wine Bar and Grill, after a nice tour of the old downtown (it is fixed up very nice). I really enjoyed the restaurant, which is in an old building and has a beautiful garden and outbuildings behind it. I was really impressed by the plant selection and the neat buildings, which were designed by the dad of someone Katie knows (so fun to hang out with a native). And after the lunch, we went to see her parents' house, in a lovely location outside of town. There I got to meet her sister and little niece, too. I do so love to play with babies. And this one was quite charming, and VERY good at arching her back and using her legs to move her around in that position.

I'm really glad to have had the help picking a dress, and really glad that to do item is over. Whew.

Other than getting stuck in bad traffic on the way home, it was a great break from the usual routine. And we even managed to drop by the Knitting Nest and see their second anniversary celebration! All in all, one fine day, topped off by a lopsided college football game.

Being happy. What a concept.

March into Happiness!

Tuba Boy Plays Bass in Public
Originally uploaded by sunasak

Yay, it is March, the month of my birth, the month of spring, and the month of new beginnings. I have so many to share right now that I have an over-abundance of potential blog photos. If I have no photo time next week, then, no problem!

First, here's Tuba Boy, once again performing at the church, but look, he's using a different low-pitched instrument! Today was his first public bass performance. He is playing a Red Hot Chili Peppers song, along with the rhythm guitarist. There was also a fine drummer, lead guitarist, and vocalist. All in high school, all not usually in rock bands. But, they sounded great (I guess--we missed the prelude due to a combination of Lee's usually charming lack of urgency getting places and the fact that they started extra early). But, I did get to hear this song. The dad of the lead singer said he'd never heard the boy sing before--that must have been interesting! And lead guitar kid was worried because he's really studied classical guitar more than electric. But, they were all fine!

The high school students did their annual service this year, and I was glad that at least Tuba Boy participated. He also lead the "Joys and Concerns" section of the service, and was good, though he read at about twice the speed the words should have been said. It was a lot of fun to listen to the things the students prepared--they'd obviously put in a lot of thought to the puppet show about the 7 UU principles and the three little mini-services. It was a little hard for me and Lee, professional educators of adults, to hear the last speaker proclaim that grown-ups are all finished learning and just work, until they retire and someone takes care of them. Hmm, all those people who started to knit with me showing them how must have been doing some other activity besides "learning." And I am not sure why we waste our time with all those modules and exercises in our jobs. Actually, it was sweet to see how an inexperienced background could lead to such conclusions, but I am sure some "lifelong learners" in the crowd were glad, like we were, that the sermon didn't have a "talk back" feature.

Everyone was so nice to me about getting a job, and we met a very interesting new person, so it was just a fine church day. It was a fine weekend, too. I had fun teaching both an adult to knit and a teen to crochet on Saturday (and both seemed to "learn" something).

And last night Lee and I went to a house concert of musicians we enjoy, Karen Mal and Ken Gaines. (Of course, I had to endure my own internal trip down memory lane in the Karen Mal department...she sure has cropped up a lot for someone I barely know.) The concert was nice, and we got to talk to a lot of friends in a more relaxed than usual context. Lee may even get some bass gigs, himself!

Now we are off to our own gig in a bit. Going to do an open mike thing at BB Rovers in our "Trey Bone" persona. I am so glad that Austin set it up. He promised he would, and he did! Yay him.

I am getting ready for my big day tomorrow, too. Of course, the day I have to trek all over a college campus, it is supposed to rain. Just hope I catch the bus successfully! I will report back when I can, but probably not tomorrow since I appear to have something to do from 6 am until 9 pm.

Dixieland

Long-time readers of this blog may now wish to point out to me that photos of a child playing a tuba are the "cute kitty" of my blog. I know I have a lot of them in here. But, I still can't believe my own offspring can play a tuba!

So today's thrill was the Dixieland band playing at church. There's Tuba Boy along with a nice visitor who plays trombone and the offspring of another blog reader on clarinet (not sure if I am allowed to give her pseudonym or not). The picture at right shows the whole group playing. There was piano, trombone, tuba, clarinet, electronic thing that acts like a trumpet or clarinet or sax, real trumpet and guitar. The ages range from 16 to almost 70. I love it that the older couple pictured takes the time to mentor young people and give them a chance to play their instruments in styles they may not get to in band.

Another significant feature of the day is that our church had the largest attendance ever. Even more than Christmas Eve, which usually draws in a lot of visitors. One reason they came is the guitar player, who you see at left was also the minister of the day. He's our ministerial intern, and I have to say the church was really lucky to get him. I wish he could work here while Rev. Chuck goes on sabbatical, because he is a really good sermon writer and very engaging as a person, even if he sorta looks like he's Tuba Boy's age. He talked about the first UU principle, which deals with respecting the worth and dignity of every human being. Now that sounds dry, but he did a great job with it--you know that IS hard to do--it means respecting Bush, Kim Jung Il, Osama, murderers, etc. Not liking them, but acknowledging their humanity. Also (and this is what made me cry) he reminded us that we are all worthy of our own respect. That was what I needed to hear yesterday.

I hadn't really wanted to go anywhere in the morning. My tarot cards hinted I should stay home. But I am glad I went to church. I got to give one lady a scarf I made, I got to show another friend the socks I am knitting for her sick daughter, and I got to have a great conversation with one of my favorite "youth" from church (now a college grad) who had just come back from doing work for Obama's campaign in New Mexico. It was a real stretch for him, but he did it, and to see him so happy from doing valuable work as a US citizen made me feel great. I am so proud of this kid, who once babysat my boys.

The rest of the day I cleaned pet-related things. We got a few new fish and I cleaned the tank, always a challenge. Then I washed the pug. He had some disgusting encrusted poop on him, plus bread batter I'd dropped on him (duh, he stands under me when I cook). THEN I cleaned the bird cage. It was, shall we say, a bit overdue. Bird sure looks happy now with her new toys and cuttlebone and seed treat. Lee worked hard, too, and put up one of the blinds in the office. Of course today it isn't sunny, so I don't get to try out their sun-blocking power!

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Lenten Ventin': Today it's me. Why do I get so weepy? I got all weepy at Tuba Boy Saturday night because I don't get to see him or his friends much and I worry that they don't want to hang around us. I wish I could not let my stress spill out on to the kids.

Church Christmas Pageant

Church Christmas Pageant
Originally uploaded by sunasak

OK, two posts in one day, but it's the holidays! This morning we survived the Christmas pageant, which was Christmas-y as only a UU church can make it. I ended up actually having a lot of fun, mainly because I got to dress up all Bethlehem-y (actually looking like Ms. Bhutto from Pakistan, see below) and read a cute story, with lots of acting and hamming it up. Beccano drew a charming illustration for it, too, with his left hand--people loved it. The singing went OK and the kids did pretty well for small children. Beccano ended up having to be the Camel (that is him just to the left of the angels) because the original camel didn't show. He was tall, more like a giraffe, but was very good for leading the wise men around. They needed help! For some reason, this event really put the spirit of the season in me--all the weepy parents watching their kids, all the hard-working pageant leaders, the confused but pleasant kids. !

Our choir song was not too bad (picture below--sorry they aren't in very good order). All the quirky choir members in their individual ideas of appropriate attire were rather motley, but looked pretty seasonal. Well, we did all make an effort, which counted

Afterwards, I even got a nice gift from Saranda--a very cool calendar with dia de los muertes dudes doing all sorts of activities--really interesting art, in a very neat stand. I may take it to work, when I have a work to take it to. The November picture was off a guitarist skeleton, and I think I'll cut that one out and use it for something. Plus she gave me candy AND a re-usable fabric gift bag. I really want to do more of those myself. Getting a holiday gift really cheers me up for some reason, especially one not expected. So, hooray for friends.

Feel free to check out the rest of the pageant photos on Flickr, and I hope you get to do something fun over the next few days that brings you cheer and reminds you of the joy of giving and receiving.

We did a little family shopping after church, and we sure enjoyed the kids and their humor. This afternoon I do a chat with my long-term email friends who are exchanging their Yule gifts. That will be fun, even if I didn't participate this year. It's nice to enjoy their fun, even second hand!

Holiday Fun

A Real Tree!
Originally uploaded by sunasak

I guess we have decided to enjoy the holidays, regardless of what is going on in the job market. I feel a bit better having found out one of the jobs I really wanted but hadn't heard anything on still hasn't done interviews yet. Whew.

So, we have spent a lot of time this weekend doing holiday things. Lee and Beccano and I got this lovely tree at Home Depot. They were pretty proud of themselves for getting it set up (was not an easy task). It wasn't too expensive, and smells very good. It also is quite the prolific shedder. and leans a bit to the left when looking at it straight on. But it is soft and lovely, not all prickly like the fake tree we used the last ten years. This is only the second real tree we have had since we moved to Illinois. They mulch all the trees here, so I feel OK about it. That fake tree was pretty dead at the end of last year, and we did keep it up for like 3 years, which was sorta dorky (the box broke and we could not figure out how to store it).

Today we put on ornaments and decided to get rid of some decor stuff that was in bad shape. Yay for decluttering. I didn't make the tree as thematic as I usually do, but it mostly has purple ornaments, so my quirkiness is not totally absent.

I know Lee's having fun, other than getting a horrible splinter in his finger while looking for stuff in the attic. He hasn't decorated in a long time. He even went out and got about half the redbud tree covered in lights--his first ever! We will work on finishing it tomorrow. I also decorated the mantel in the family room for the kids, and put up a few things in the media room for me and Lee. There is a rather amusing red tree with red lights that I think will be a spectacular media room tree, so we will probably get that. And that shall be it for holiday decor, other than getting out the holiday dish towels. I am not going to go as nuts over it as usual, but am doing better than I did in the couple of recent years when I felt real bad.

I missed decorating with my sister. I even miss Jeff playing the Christmas CDs while he sat upstairs not helping. I know he really liked all the decor and stuff, and this year he will be with his poor sick mother. I asked him to get her a little tree or something. I am glad I have Lee and Beccano to keep the cheer in me.

The only other big activity this weekend was church stuff. We "inaugurated" a drive to get hymnal supplements by singing a bunch of songs from it. Jan and Joe played, and Beccano joined them on bells and percussion. I sang the opening song, which was Open the Window, a Harry Belafonte song. The minister even referred to it in the sermon. I think I sounded sorta dorky, but I did a good job acting like I was having fun and loving my hymnal. I also led the audience in a hymn where they sang with the choir, and that was way fun. The song the choir did for the offering was the most dismal, even though it was a song I liked. It was fun having Beccano playing along with us.

After church it was Yule Fest time, which always reminds me of how much I miss being a more involved person in the church, and being able to be in a women's group. Women's group meant so much to me. I just can't trust people that much any more (especially in church--the hurtful things people said to me and about me still sting, no matter how hard I try to ignore it or get past it), so I am working to find other means of support. Anyway, they had some good vendors, and a highlight was Beccano picking out a wand, which ended up being an ash one with Kyanite on the end. Really a neat stone that also works sort of as an athame. There was a vendor selling interesting stone jewelry, and there were some of the loveliest pieces of fire opal I ever saw. Sigh. But, I did get each child a nice Yule gift, so that's something.

I am still feeling a bit better. I am hoping my good attitude will manifest a good job.