Improvements, of All Sorts

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Today I have too many things to blog about. We'll see how far I get!

Samhain was not the usual festival of pagan fun and frolic it usually is in our family, due to a football game's interference. But, there was an improvement: the football team managed to win--finally they found an offense worse than our defense and vice versa. Oh well, the other team's band was good. The highlight for me was that there was a feature of the drumline and percussion pit, where they all wore sunglasses. The lowlights were twofold: first, one of my little charges fell and hurt his head, which made me worry about him, and second, the cuteness of senior recognition night was marred by not seeing my own senior in the group. Sniff. At least there's one more game, and I am proud that he took a lot of responsibility in the debate tournament our school hosted.


The church grounds got an environmental improvement award today. Hella has worked very hard for the past few years, and I have showed you photos of her gardening work before on these pages. Well, today she got an award from the county native gardening society (I totally forget the actual name of the folks, but they were real nice) for her work on the grounds of our church, from the beautiful front garden to the wildflowers, to the perserved woods around the labyrinth (where the wedding will be!). We are really proud of her. The photo shows Hella, minister Kathleen and the organizational representative at the ceremony in the gardens this afternoon (below is a butterfly from the garden--it's just full of monarchs right now). We also celebrated the 90th birthday of a church member and the purchase of a tent for people in Darfour by our youth group. All of that is fine stuff!

My wedding prep is also improving. Today I met with Elizabeth, the newly minted chef who volunteered to make our wedding cake. She is taking it very seriously, with her notebook and list of recipes from the culinary academy. Unfortunately, she doesn't own the pans and stuff, so I will get them for her (she needed a graduation gift anyway, LOL). And her kitchen is cramped, so she is going to bake the cakes at our house. We'll be seeing a lot of her that weekend, since she, her boyfriend and her mom are also joining us for Thanksgiving. That leads to another improvement: that doesn't stress me out at all. I think we will all have fun, and with my sister to help me cook, it should be OK. See, what a great attitude! The cake(s) will be really nice, too, especially if I find the great cake toppers I hope to find. (I did find one, which will be a surprise, thanks to Jennifer in Florida's suggestion to check Etsy for them.)

And finally, there is home improvement. Most of our projects are finished, and we are very happy with the work the contractor and crew performed. There's a little paint on the carpet, and some stain on the inside of the door that should not be there, but otherwise it's great.

I am including a bunch of photos here for your enjoyment or snoozing, as you see fit. Here are some of the things to look for (not using bulleted lists because Blogger's photos and bullets don't interact very well on some browsers):

***The walls are a nice shade of light tan, no longer orangey. It is slightly different from what it used to be, but if you don't have a sample of the old color, you'll never know.

***We have gutters. We used to only have them in the front. They even put those nice ending things on them, so the rain won't mess up the flower beds or lawn.

***The main trim is a nice deep green, and that scary rust color is the under-trim, and what you see around the windows. I really, really like how it looks on the back of the house. it used to be extremely bland and ugly. Now it looks warm and inviting, at least to me, so don't ruin my illusion, OK? The colors almost make it look "craftsman-like" around the back door and side.

***Around the front door there is more green than there used to be, and what you can't see is that they painted the porch ceiling, way up there, the rust color. Quite a touch. And the front door is stained a much darker brown than it used to be. I am not sure if it is my ideal color, but I picked it, so it's my fault! At least it no longer looks sad and worn out.

***The garage doors are the only part of the house with a lot of the rust color. But I think it looks great. Unfortunately, part of the door broke, so they are having to replace some of the panels. There is extra paint, whew. What pleases me most about the garage is that some horrible-looking warped boards from our house's initial cheap trim are GONE. The house looks great from a distance, or will when the construction debris is gone and the motorcycle no longer decorates the lawn. I hope we can get it in the garage one day!

***Then there is the new patio! I am so happy to use the bricks left over from building the house for something other than my endless poorly constructed flower-bed edgings. The guys still are going to stain the concrete and edge the Texas paver in the rust color. Everyone thinks it is oh-so-cleverly U of Texas, but well, I am not too fond of that place right now, so I am hoping it adds to resale value!

It's hard to describe how good I feel about these repairs and improvements. I was really worried for a few years that I would not be able to keep the house up without the help of the big salary of my ex. What I have made has let me cover utilities and the mortgage, but not left a lot of savings for these kinds of things--those of you who have read for a long time know that every time I have saved a bit, something big has broken--like an air conditioning unit or a roof. I really appreciate that Lee is welling to join with me and get this stuff done! I feel like, even in these hard times, we can make it. We are a team! And I am not going to lose the house, at least for a while!

Another improvement is my self improvement. I have actually enjoyed the last few days of presidential campaigning. McCain was funny on Saturday Night Live, and I have been so happy to see some of the folks coming out for Obama...it is moving. I just hope all our votes count.

I've been reading my book on highly sensitive people and work. I figured out why I stopped reading it before--it was hitting the nail on the head about my March-May job a little too precisely. No wonder I was miserable. Sometimes it helps me to remind myself about how my personality works. Not that it's bad; it's just different from the majority. Other people's personalities and attitudes affect me more than some people. And doing meaningless work where you don't feel like you are contributing just doesn't work for me, at all. I am going to try to figure out how to do what is best for me--which seems to be a rather more independent set-up than I've had since I left the Dysfunctional Nonprofit Organization. But for now, I have found a nice spot in ALE where I do feel like I am making a contribution and am doing one of my favorite things. This is enabling me to recover a bit. The book says that a really bad job can make an HSP get post-traumatic stress syndrome. I don't know about that--it seems a bit much, but, I do relish the chance to rest and recuperate, on my way to the next adventure!

Well, it is late, and I know I have forgotten some things. Oh, here's a plug for Guitar Girl's guitaring. Go see how well she did in a windy outdoor location last week!

I Feel Weird

And this is why. I know it is a cliche, but it really does feel like yesterday that I was the entire world for this little being.

Today this baby went off to his first day as a senior, class of 2009. That makes me feel so weird.

Both kids got up early, on their own. Both showered with no prompting. Each knew what he had to do to fix his scheduling mix-ups, where he was going to eat lunch, and what he was doing after school (band rehearsal). They didn't need any help from me at all. Aww. Well, I did have to find Beccano some new pencils. I guess this was the goal of all those years of attachment parenting, weaning gradually with love, and respectful discipline: well adjusted, independent young people.

I know we will have challenges this school year--there are always some. But today I am proud of how well they handle life, what nice young people they are, and what good choices they make.

Now, if Lee and I can just live up to all that...hee hee. I think we can. I am responsibly earning some bucks today, and Lee is responsibly putting in a new set of doorknobs and locks on the front door, so maybe the dogs won't escape so often.

I didn't write much about the weekend. That's because my back hurt a lot and I didn't really feel like doing much of anything, so I didn't. Other than going to the knitting store and taking a ride to get a band saw with Lee, I stayed home. The highlight of the weekend was a shopping trip Friday night with the kids, where we got Tuba Boy a new suit for debate, and because I was shopping for lady clothing, they picked out t-shirts with guitars on them, telling me they'd keep getting more if I didn't stop shopping! Then my sweet kids cheered up the check-out lady at the store, after she'd been subjected to rude customers before us. Again, I am proud of them boys.

Fall Is Here

Front of House, Fall 2007
Originally uploaded by sunasak

Yes, we've equinoxed, and what is amazing about this photo is that the grass is green and all the plants growing and healthy. All that rain in June really made a difference.

Our house is spruced up inside, for the most part, but we have to get moving on the outside. We should be getting a roof in the next week or two, and if Lee gets a job soon, I'll bite the bullet and contract to get that nasty looking trim replaced and painted. I want it to look nice and be in good shape.

Lee has a good prospect for a job back at ALE. They have changed the rules, so he can be a contractor. Seems to me that it isn't all that fiscally brilliant to lay someone off, then beg them to come back as a contractor at higher rate of pay (more than making up for the lost benefits). It's just moving items around so it LOOKS like the head count is reduced. They still have to get the work done, and need workers. Sigh. But, I'm all for anything that pays well at this point!

Long night ahead. First a week bit o' knitting then Parent Night, and I have to see all those teachers who have issues with Beccano. I really don't want to be at that school (doesn't help that I noticed Lee is not listed as chaperoning ANY band trips the rest of the year). It's also Beccano's first day with the therapist to help him with his issues. Hope that works out. She is really good and helped him a lot in the past, so I have hope that with all the techniques the school district wouldn't let her use when she was there, he will do better. On his own. I am helping but not doing stuff for him!

If you want to see a sweet photo of my boys and some nice words by Lee, check out his blog post from a day or two ago. Actually, his blog has been really nice to read recently, so I do hope you will check it out if you have time.

Hurricanes, Music, More

First, Hurricanes

You probably know that yesterday was the anniversary of Katrina hitting New Orleans and a huge swath of the Gulf Coast. You hear a lot about how things are getting back under control, how rebuilding has occurred, etc. But, for the poor, elderly or simply unlucky, things aren't so great. I'd encourage you to read this account from a former resident whose knitting blog I have followed for a long time, with photos and personal stories. We need to remember these people, and help if we can. I know folks from my church have gone down to help on weekends, and my dad has done so, too.

I have always loved Louisiana, especially the coastal parts and the Cajun culture, stemming from when I married into it briefly. Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama...these are not wealthy parts of the US. There are so many people who have always lived simply on not much money. It's hard to recover when you don't have any back-up. (And as someone struggling to get myself a nest egg, only to be hit by unexpected expenses every time I do, I think there but for pure luck go I.)

Now Music

I went to the first church choir meeting for the fall last night. We had 5 altos and one of each other part. One alto (reluctantly) went to sing tenor. One sang soprano (a visiting recent high school grad with a lovely voice, but she's off to Stanford in a week or two). I sang loudly to help the two new people, one of which will need a bit of help with pitch--which we are always glad to do. But that meant a lot of loud singing on low notes. The choir director was POUNDING the notes and I was blasting them at the new people.

After song #1 I traded with High School Graduate, and she blasted the next song, while I went and sang with the one soprano who showed up, luckily the woman with great pitch. Ahhhh. it was nice to trade off like that. It's hard to keep on your notes when someone's a-wanderin'

But the good thing was that I suddenly realized I was singing quite vigorously on notes such as "E" the one above high C. The one I did NOT have a few weeks ago. YAY! I can sing again! And I still have the E two octaves down, too!

Why this matters is that, you may recall, I've had singing "issues" the past few years. For some reason, being a reasonably good singer has been important to me most of my life. It's what makes me "me" in my mind--part of my persona. Being the star of the high school choir is what kept my self esteem up in those years, when otherwise I felt ugly and unpopular (I was neither, in retrospect). And later, I have enjoyed harmony singing so much, and enjoyed being a leader in the choir. (I do realize I am not a great singer, just a very good one--but it's enough to count as "good" where I am now, or in a high school.)

Jeff messed up my singing esteem for quite a long time. I am not a trained singer--the only instruction I've received is from choir directors, but I do know how to breathe, blend, read music and support myself. But Jeff was so caught up in proving he is a great singer that he put me down a lot. Told me how nasal I was (funny, no one else says that), how I didn't do this and that, how I should not think of singing professionally because I am such an amateur in quality. Yadda yadda. So, I stopped for a while. Even stopped choir for almost a year. He feels bad about it now, but it messed me up.

So, feeling able to sing in my trio again, or with Lee, or in choir is a sign I am doing better. And auditioning for the community chorus without feeling inadequate is another sign. I am so glad that the vocal issues appear to have just been allergies, not something else. Yay. Singing makes me feel good. I am glad I can sing, and am FINE with singing at the level I do. It's enough to bring joy.

And School

I think the kids are settling into school better. Beccano had to fight a bit to get his schedule worked out, but it is now, and I hope he will locate all his classes and make it from now on. I contacted his counselor and asked her to please straighten things out, after someone told him he had to go through a bunch of rigmarole to fix his schedule--the school messed it up--they were supposed to be bending over backwards to put him in the right band and elective.

We also had some issues with getting to and from school, but I think those are resolved, too. Now if we can just get all the weekend activities done and not interfere too much with paternal visits, all will be well.

Then Jobs

Lee did have an interview yesterday, where I work now. That would be fun, but who knows if he'll get it. You just never know what people are looking for. I was surprised at what an in-depth interview he got. Mine was minimal. They wanted a writing sample, but, oops, Lee hadn't grabbed any before he was escorted away. I hope he can get something. I knew when I was leaving ALE, so I saved a few things that were generic and bland for samples. And heck, they gave me a book with the training I developed on my own, so that is a handy sample.

At least Lee's old house really is sold. It really will close next week. Wow. I wish I could have helped him fix it up, but really, it's a better use of our resources to fixate on one house only. We can look forward and maybe get something to fix up that is all ours at some point. Nice to be able to plan for a future.

Finally, Irritation

I got extra irritated at a private email list of people formerly and currently associated with the Dysfunctional Nonprofit Organization yesterday, when someone (not a list owner) sort of ordered the members to not talk about something. On a list with no restrictions. Now, some of you know that I have been ordered to not talk about something by people in my former organization before, and that really pisses me off. I don't work there any more, anyway, so if I wanted to say a certain six-letter acronym over and over, I could. I think I can talk to my friends about topics that interest me or matter to me a lot (though, actually, I have not said a word on the current hot topic on that list--just sitting back and laughing my posterior off at grown women being treated like naughty children: "If you won't play with the toys we gave you the way we want you to, we will just take them away!" ). I guess censorship is still one of my touchy issues, even when I am self-censoring mightily.

That Time of Year

It has to happen. School starts. I liked it when I was in school, but as a parent, ugh. The start of that period when I can't remember all the things I am supposed to remember or buy all the things I am supposed to buy.

This year it is bittersweet--both boys are in high school, in the box-like institution pictured here. It's nice to only have to go one place to drop them both off (though I enjoyed taking Beccano and chatting with him last year). But I feel sorta sad that my kids are getting this old, getting ready to fly the coup and all that--no matter how nicely I am letting them go, according to last week's postings.

At church on Sunday there were little groups of crying mothers scattered around--all of whom either just sent or are about to send children off to college. And some wonderful children whom I will miss, too. So many talented musicians, thespians, intellects and comedians that won't be around to enjoy except at holidays. As someone mentioned on an email list, that stuff just sends me into "pre-mourning." They are both so much fun, even when Tuba Boy gets a bit teenagerly and grumpy--for the most part he is still my wonder boy--just everything a mom could want. And his brother still talks to us and tells us what is going on in his life--how I treasure that.

I'm happy that they will be in the band together, and proud at how they are already handling scheduling mix-ups and such. We'll be here to help Beccano adjust--he's much stronger now and I think he can do it just fine. I just hope Lee and I can handle the band and debate schedules, plus all the other little things that come up!

Speaking of Lee--he has an interview tomorrow, so please think good thoughts. It would be so nice if he ended up with options and decisions to make about what fine new thing to do! And his house is sold, so that worry will go away in just a few short days. We might actually make it through this period slightly ahead, knock on wood.

Thinking about Friendship AGAIN

Oh, I should not think too much, especially on the topics that gnaw at me endlessly. Like friendship. On a blog I read, the author went on a bit about losing friends suddenly and not understanding why, writing a long passage I could have written myself with only slightly different circumstances. Ironically, this brought back wounds I thought were long buried about email friendships gone awry and a whole set of friends I lost MANY years ago due to that. And that then brought up the next series of losses a few years ago, and a more recent relationship loss another long-term friend just went through. I went into a spiral of self-analysis again. No wonder my tarot card for yesterday was the 10 of Swords--I stabbed my own self in the back doing that!

I did note the blog author getting into thinking a bit of what I used to think--that my defective personality just drives people away. And it wasn't true of me or her--sure neither of us is perfect (who is? I don't want to know them)--but many times these losses are also due to issues with the other person. Sometimes folks just don't know how to say they have an issue, there's something wrong, something's bugging them, until it festers and POW the relationship explodes.

I even read an article on female love-hate friendships on CNN yesterday, which ties in a bit with this. How you can both admire and feel jealous or competitive with a friend, and how that's difficult to deal with.

Where I was going with this is that I need to realize that with a bunch of old friends popping back into my life (Facebook's dredging them up from the woodwork, way back to high school), I need to keep at peace with past failings and friendships gone awry. All I can affect NOW is how I act today. So I'll keep working to be the New and Improved Suna, and try to not wallow so much. Hard to do, with my natural Piscean INFP wallowing tendencies! But I can try!

So, don't run away, readers. I still like you, even those who don't say hi. (I seem to have chased someone off when I mentioned that last week--many apologies!) Deep in my heart, I treasure you all--ones I've hurt, ones who hurt me, ones who love me, ones who barely know me. You all have something to teach me in one way or another. Thanks!

Grateful Monday

Oh yeah, I forgot to be grateful again yesterday. I was grateful for my voice, since I managed to hit all the notes, even a D above high C, in the new choir rehearsal last night (still having some trouble with it cutting out). I am also extra grateful that I can read music. It would be awfully challenging otherwise.

Anticipation

Anticipation
Originally uploaded by sunasak.

None of the photos of this event came out very well (new camera IS on the list of things to get, now that Jeff's is leaving), but this was my favorite. Beccano is patiently waiting on his turn to play his solo at his annual percussion recital. I love how the drumsticks lie waiting next to his music (the music he'd lost and had to re-copy by hand). Above him is a big, bronze gong.

I was proud of him--he did his solo perfectly (and even the other really good kids messed up a couple of times). He also did a beautiful job on his ensemble bell solo. I hope he has learned something by failing math last 6 weeks. He didn't get to participate in solo and ensemble contest, and he probably would have made a first division this year. I think he realizes now that he has to keep up and pay attention to his grades, not wait for a warning from the teacher.

It is hard watching your children learn hard lessons.

Also, we ate that pie after the concert. OMG. That was one delicious pie. Well worth the effort.

In other child news, the Older Boy has not been talking much, and has seemed pretty morose. I sent him a nice email yesterday, letting him know I am here for him, and that I wish he'd talk to us a bit more. He wrote back that he was just fine but he "appreciated the sentiment." Boy sounds like his dad.

Kidz at Work

I thought it would be fun to share this link to the Older Boy and the Girl's AP World History project. It's a Flash animation, with the Flash part courtesy of Beccano. While it has a few "issues" (the voices don't synch quite right, and some of the images don't display long enough), it's still pretty good. The Older Boy is the voice of the US fellow, and may also be the USSR guy--hard to tell, since the voices are distorted. The Girl is the narrator. Note that it is on endless loop, so get out when it restarts! I will tell Beccano how to make his next one end, not loop.

I was very impressed at how hard the worked on the project. It took them days and days, and lots of cooperative action among the team. It was enjoyable to see the high schoolers relying on the younger teen's expertise. And I think they were the only ones doing a Flash presentation for their project!

Of course, there was a down side. As I was trying to get to sleep with the help of Tylenol PM (boring story of incredible itching issues from sun and mosquitoes), Older Boy came in looking for help in making the presentation viewable by his teacher. Apparently no computer at the school has FlashPlayer. I tried to let Lee and him figure it out, but ended up being needed to upload the file to the Web. But, the fact that I uploaded it is why I can share!