Parental Anniversary Musings

Seventeen years ago today, this young fellow was two hours old. He's been a great companion all these years, and brought me immeasurable joy. I feel pretty bad that we can't do anything more for his birthday, but I bought Rock Band right after New Year's and he knew that counted as his birthday gift. Plus, I let him drive my car to school today, woo.

I'd hoped to take him and his two friends out to dinner, but neither can come. The girl's dad won't let her go to dinner. I can't quite fathom that. Now the hope is that Lee will feel well enough to go out to a nice dinner tonight. I think Lee is doing well enough to make it, especially since he isn't going to try to drag himself into ALE today. Doing that yesterday really knocked him out.

A big birthday complication is that his dad is bringing him a car, which he will be paying his dad back for in the fatherly quest to teach responsibility. Guess whose responsibility it is to arrange for the insurance for someone else's car that she doesn't even know the year on? Me. The unemployed person. Having the third car will be handy, though I don't look forward to all the parking ballet in our two-car driveway.

Other Things

I had a really weird couple of days battling my personal issues. For some reason I woke up one night feeling really lonely, like I had no one to talk to. A number of things led to it: good friends here in town announced they did NOT want anyone interacting with them while they dealt with a family problem. I had already not been speaking to the wife, who is someone I used to think of as a close friend, because that was the request. I feel so sad--apparently people in the women's group I used to belong to get to be supportive, but the rest of us are outsiders and not welcome. I'd thought this couple were my close friends, but I think it was mostly on my end. (Same with another supposed close friend who didn't invite me to his wedding--I think I don't have a good ability to tell when friends go from close to acquaintance.) So, I am spending a LOT of time telling myself that I am being a good friend by not saying anything, as they requested. And of course I want to honor the request and just send good vibes. I wouldn't have given advice, anyway--I am always so worried about saying something inappropriate that I try to let people lead the way on things like that, and just try to listen.

And speaking of inappropriate, I accidentally typed "aloud" my sad thoughts about an event one of my email lists is planning--they are all gleefully planning travel, arranging complicated seminars and events, which all sounds so great. I have been so sad that I can't make any plans due to my situation--when they started I had no vacation/sick days, and now I have no nothing. I am sure I am mostly jealous that others can plan fun events with friends and that is not in my range of possibilities (and my family can't visit me--pretty lonely). But, I didn't phrase my concern well at all and that lead to people wanting to analyze me and have me explain myself and...stuff I am not good at. Ugh. That sort of thing brings up all my huge issues with desertion, and the idea I have in my head that all the people who suddenly disappear from my life do so because I accidentally phrase things in an inappropriate way and it pisses them off, but I get no chance to explain what I meant.

I must say, even I grow tired of my neuroses.

I think a root issue is that I just wish I had someone to vent to so I could get it out of my system, and I am temporarily out of "venting" friends. My previous venting target I rarely hear from since I lost the job in Illinois and she got all involved in her new job and partner. I miss her so much--she didn't judge me at all. And that's what had me all sad: I felt like my local and distant friends have all been drifting away.

Note to readers: I realize this is all in my head, and it mostly doesn't come up unless I am depressed or down for other reasons. I realize this will pass. No, I am not suicidal or clinically depressed. I am just worn out from the money and illness stuff. Read the next part.

On the Other Hand

I am proud of myself that, when I woke up all upset about this stuff, I was able to remind myself that there ARE people to talk to. Lee is here when not sick. Jody is here when not consumed with her own stuff. (So they are temporarily unavailable.) And there are still some wonderful friends both here and elsewhere who have not gone anywhere and are still sending me sweet emails and posting helpful comments here. How could I forget them? I didn't! I remembered them, and have decided to concentrate on those folks. And I'll try to be more in contact with the good friends I just don't hear from as much as I'd like--at least I got one knitting friend to show up at the LYS last week.

So, I am less nutso than I think I am.

Nice Stuff

(This is what happens when I take a couple of days off, I have too much to say, and I veer from sad to happy--what can I say, I'm a Pisces and that means "emotion" in a big way.)

Sunday I got a chance to get away and hang out with Jody as she went on quests to buy spinning equipment. Mostly I just wanted to get out of the house--sitting by the phone gets tiring. I enjoyed looking at the countryside, meeting new people and looking at longhorns and horses. I was glad to be there to be supportive of her during a weird time, and that we could talk about our somewhat wishful future plans, family stuff, and yarn stuff. So, see, I have a friend! And I had some fun!

I am also having fun learning stuff in the community choir. I love choral arrangements of spirituals, and we are doing some of those. I think it's really smart for me to have done this. Cheers me up.

So all is well. All that angst is PAST angst, posted mainly to show what a weird thought process I sometimes have, but that I can get past it! OK?

HAPPY MLK DAY AND TUBA BOY'S BIRTHDAY!!

Priorities

Beccano and His Cymbal
Originally uploaded by sunasak

There you see an example of my first priority. My family. Isn't Beccano beautiful, concentrating on his cymbal? And isn't the swirly cymbal cool? This photo was at last Friday's football game at halftime, and was taken by a band parent.

When I get upset at how the world treats me, I need to remember to make decisions based on what is best for the kids and Lee, and not by my own issues. For example, I was pretty extra peeved to find out that Lee still wasn't allowed to chaperone on band trips (I figured it out when I looked at the list of people and saw vacancies but no him), but the committee person would not tell me why. So, I called the band director.

What he had not made clear to me was that he had decided to stick with the "you must be a biological parent or married to one" rule until a band parent meeting where they would bring up the concept of getting background checks, or come up with a guideline to stick with. I pointed out that this made it look like we were not welcome as a family, and such. I suggested that a less weird thing to do would be to stay with current policy (anyone is welcome as long as they are adults) until the new policy is established. As far as I can tell he agreed, and said he would tell the chaperone chairs that.

Then he suggested I not go to the band parent meeting so they could talk about me/us and I wouldn't be there. I can only hope they don't use my name. I guess they don't do that. I hope not. Ick.

We'll see how this turns out. I just about decided to quit volunteering, since it seems to be bringing me the same angst church volunteering, elementary school volunteering, and my work with the Dysfunctional Nonprofit Organization did. Maybe it's ME that is the problem and I should not try to help.

But, thinking back to my priorities, the people who would be hurt if I just quit would be the kids in the band, my own children, and Lee, who wants to do normal parenting activities he missed out on with his stepson. So, I will swallow my pride and show up tomorrow and ride the bus. At least it's a home game and Lee won't have to drive miles to get to it.

I hope my priorities are right. I skipped the performance by the new chorus (I wasn't in it) and church choir rehearsal to go to Parent Night at the school. I ended up going to all of Beccano's teachers (only the art teacher seemed thrilled to see me) except band, since I knew those guys. So I only got to see two of Tuba Boy's teachers (I already know his band and debate ones, so that means I really only missed three). Tuba Boy's science teacher went on and on about how much she enjoys his participation and good question asking. It helped to hear something positive.

That school is big. Running all over it made me pretty sore!

Lee couldn't come last night because he had to take Beccano to see his old middle school counselor in private practice. She is going to try to help with his memory issues. I hope so. It's money I don't really have to spare. I sure am glad I have Lee around to help!

It was all worth it to come home to a cheerful greeting from Tuba Boy and Debate Friend enjoying the new Halo 3 Beccano bought, then Beccano having finished his homework, filling me in on all his daily details, happy and relaxed. And Lee making me a nice dinner and sitting with me as I wound down. These guys make it all worthwhile, and no wonder they are my priorities.

Good News, Bad News

The good news: We sent my "new" camera in to the manufacturer to get it repaired, since it refused to take more than 2-3 photos with any set of batteries. Lee mailed it off Tuesday, and by Friday they'd shipped a repaired (or we suspect new) one off to us. It's at FedEx now, so should be back tomorrow! I really liked the new camera, when it was working. I could get much better details on my photos. It was irritating that it didn't work, but the folks at Canon seemed quite cheerful to repair it! Yay.

The bad news: I had a pretty crappy day all around yesterday. So crappy that I decided to not go to church and inflict my bile on others.

Yesterday I messed up a knitting project badly and got pretty upset with myself (it ended up fine--the erasing of an entire pattern repeat actually ended up with a reasonable sock. See it on the knitting blog. Anyway, that got me all agitated.

Then we went to a family dinner at our favorite Vietnamese restaurant, and had to endure Tuba Boy being an angst-filled teen born with his father's incredibly persistent arguing gene. I know he and his dad enjoy that style and I respect that completely, but here at our house, we can only take it so long. Sigh, I want to talk to him about what's important to him, but the technique of taking apart examples or tangents in great detail, thereby ignoring your conversational partner's main point gives me flashbacks, so my stomach was hurting. Beccano got a bad headache and was sick last night. And Lee tried really hard, but ended up quite exasperated. The poor boy wants the world to be the way he wants it to be, and thinks if you just explained it to folks, they'd all agree. SIGH. And he doesn't want to ever have to compromise. He isn't taking, "Being mature and adult means compromising often, while being as true to yourself as you possibly can" very well. We talked about the topic even more when we got home. At least then he wasn't yelling at us.

Anyway, we've agreed that when conversations totally bog down, we can take a break, think about the other person's points or work on our own, and come back to a topic.

Nice that he's thinking. Wish he were thinking a bit more clearly. And listening a bit better.

Oh well, we're all grumpy today, so at least we're in it together!!

Licensed Driver

Licensed Driver
Originally uploaded by sunasak.

What a milestone. This beaming young person is a licensed driver now. Next, I must phone the insurance company. Then I need to teach him how to drive a manual transmission car, because it looks like Lee is not going to let him take off in the truck any time soon. Then, I have to scrape together some cash and get him a car. It will really be helpful for him to have a vehicle, with all the band practices, debate events and, sigh, dates he will be doing this year.

I just deleted a ton of useless info on my less-than-stellar finances. I keep hoping something helpful will come through. But I can't imagine what that would be. Thinking positive!

But, all in all, I am proud of my boy, even with the "Awesome Beard" that you can barely see in the photo. I'd do anything for him, including emptying the savings account, I guess!

Junior Sneak Day

Junior Sneak Day
Originally uploaded by sunasak.

Ah, another moment when it's fun to be a parent. Tuba Boy is a junior in high school this year, and that's the year when the fun stuff starts. Looking for colleges, getting a class ring...and the first tradition to whack him over the head, the Junior Sneak Day.

Apparently it's a tradition in Ye Olde Maverick Marching Band to assign seniors to awaken juniors way before dawn on one day during summer band. They then dress them in a funny outfit (see photo) and take them to breakfast at I-Hop. I believe they then have to do marching practice in the funny outfits, until it gets too hot.

Now, from what chatty sophomore car-pooler Schultzie tells me, most of the juniors figured that today would be the day, and they probably went to bed early and slept in their clothes. Not our Tuba Boy. He stayed up his usual too late IMing with Debate Friend Girl (my new name for her) and such. So, as you can see, he looked pretty deat at pre-5am when his senior came to get him (poor senior--he has a speech issue, and when he called me to remind me yesterday, Beccano answered the phone and hung up on him, thinking he was an outsourced phone solicitor).

I am looking forward to tales of this adventure. The timing could be better, though. Yesterday's planned driver license procural went awry when a truck exploded on the Interstate, making Lee and Tuba Boy unable to get to the quicker-processing facility in Georgetown. The plan is to do the deed this afternoon. Well, won't Tuba Boy enjoy living with a license photo featuring dirty hair and his "Awesome Beard"??

BTW: Awesome Beard is scheduled for removal by Friday, so his official band photo will look nice. What a good boy.

Meanwhile, Beccano has lost ten pounds during summer band. Bye bye vestigal baby fat. Hello Manly Boy. Sniff.

All Together Now

UNT Dorm
Originally uploaded by sunasak.

Woo hoo, Tuba Boy is home and our little family-like unit is reunited at last. The photo is of the dorm he stayed at, in Denton at the University of North Texas. Most of its buildings are this yellow brick stuff. It was a pretty nice looking campus, and bigger than I expected (I learned recently that is is NOT a small school, from my friend whose son is president of the junior class).

Apparently he had a great time, even when they had to go to all their classes in that horrible rain Texas had a few weeks ago. He made some friends and apparently is now the world's expert on Jacques Derrida and Michel Foucoult (will look up that spelling). He sounds like my high school boyfriend, and will lecture on schools of philosophy at the drop of a hat. Well, this makes me a happy human. It is wonderful to see him so excited about something that is not a video game. And something I also like!

Probably the most touching thing that happened when we went to get him on Saturday was that, the second we got in the car, he said, "OK, we have to go to this cool store, now!" And he led us in a meandering fashion (walking somwhere looks different from driving, he realized) to the head shop on the edge of campus. Mmm, incense. Apparently he and his friends had wonderful times going through those hilarious liberal bumper stickers and buttons they have in those places, and looking at all the statues of Indian deities, etc. It was just so sweet that he HAD to show us this place, because he KNEW we'd love it. We had a nice talk with the guy there, who said he knew these were debate kids the way they flocked to the slogans. And he said, "Your son was very well behaved," which was sweet. We got ourselves a few souveniers, which will be a nice way to remember the debate camp experience.

After all the fun in Denton, we took advantage of being in far north Texas to visit Lee's niece, the one whose wedding we went to on New Year's Eve. They live in a mobile home family compound outside of Ponder. And she has a lot of lovely peacocks wandering around. She said they just showed up, and now they stay there. The picture is of one of the daddy peacocks. We had a good visit, and the cigarette smell didn't kill us or anything. She has no kids of her own, but has four at her house this summer, two attached to her husband and two I think that are actually her cousin's children (Lee's family is hard to keep track of) whose parents are unable to care for them. We really enjoyed a couple of the boys, very cute. It was nice to watch Lee play with them. He reminded me of my dad, how he just thoroughly enjoyed playing with little kids. I was never good at "playing" (I talk to kids, but don't goof off much), so I enjoyed watching Lee.

My boys went outside with the oldest kid (very nice, articulate little fellow who's had a hard life but seems to have a good personality all in all) and picked up a bunch of peacock feathers. I know what I would like to do with them, but am worried the dogs will get into them, so alternative ideas are percolating up. They didn't get attacked by snakes or anything, so all was well.

I know Lee appreciated the chance to see his favorite relative, and since she is not feeling well, I know she enjoyed a chance to see him. It's good to get to know the family members, too.

The rest of the trip I knitted and knitted. I have really enjoyed all the car trips, because it's the only time I really get to knit a long time. I finished one pair of socks, and by the end of last night, was over halfway with another one!

Yesterday I just faded away. We made it to church, where there was a cool labyrinth laid out temporarily as part of a worldwide observance. Then I went home and spent the rest of the day napping or knitting and watching QVC (didn't buy anything, even though there was a lot of jewelry to chose from!). The men-folk went to the Harry Potter movie, but I stayed home. I needed a "me" day, and some recharging time. It was great.

I am just plain glad to have the boys both home and no pressing issues. That feels good. A real respite from issue after issue.

Tuba Boy's Room Is Almost Done

Tuba Boy's Room Almost Done
Originally uploaded by sunasak.

I am sure Lee and Beccano think I am trying to kill them, but I pushed them to get Tuba Boy's room in reasonable shape last night, so I could at least get a photo before he shows up on Saturday and starts flinging stuff all over the flat surfaces. Now we have almost everything other than the train photos that will go over the bed (same ones that were there before--they coordinate and look very manly) and shelves that will go over the desk we moved in there. Now the guest room is practically interesting--we did find the kids' old crib when we moved the bed--sigh, I guess when we first moved here I was still hoping for another baby. It is covered in Jeff's baby powder, so more cleaning is in my future. We have a lot for a garage sale now!

You can't see the blue wall in the photo. That is because it got messed up when we were moving the dresser and has to be touched up, sigh. The curtains are actually dark blue, not black, like they appear. They match the dark stripes in the bedspread. I hope Tuba Boy likes it that I included his afghan that I made him and his ancient "I love trains" pillow that I made when he was 2. He still loves it. His other "treasured" blankets and quilts are in the closet, if he wants them. And I just thought the gigantic stuffed tiger from my sister looked cool.

He should be happy that I put a phone in the room, and that we are pretty sure we can hook a television to cable in there. He should be able to do homework, relax and be a teen in this room. I hope. And maybe not destroy it.

Serious Note

I've been noticing fellow bloggers talking about how women are treated when they are victims of sexual crimes. A pretty sad story was posted on the Yarn Harlot blog where a judge wouldn't let words for what was done to the woman be used in her assailant's sexual assault trial (like he couldn't be called assailant, or her a victim, or the rape word used). A local blogger posted about her experience with being assaulted as a teen and how it greatly affected her.

It makes me realize that almost all of us have some kind of story in which we had to do things we did not want to do, or had liberties taken with us. I know I do (one story funny, where I bit a kid who tried to "do" me at a sleepover), two not). I am lucky that I have good boundaries and confronted all but one person who treated me unfairly, but I did have the typical experience where someone with power over me (a professor in college) touched me inappropriately, but I was afraid to say anything. Later I found out he had also done the same thing to a friend--if I had spoken up, maybe she'd have been spared the humiliation?

If women were able to talk to each other, and felt safe making it public when someone with perceived power over them took advantage of that power (parents, adults, teachers, bosses, spouses whatever), perhaps we'd have a lot fewer sexual assaults, rapes, and domestic violence incidents. But, it's hard. A start is sharing your own stories.

Another Home Improvement Weekend!

Before Photo of Tuba Boy's Room
Originally uploaded by sunasak.

Here we see Tuba Boy's room in mid-renovation. We've already taken the pictures off the wall (going to re-use the nice Irish train photos), picked up the clutter off the floor and made there be visible surface on the dresser. Lee is taking apart the old squeaky bunk bed. After that we took away the incredibly old and gross other bed and mattress. I will re-use my grandmother's quilt, of course.

I guess the balloon lamp that's been in his room since before he was born can finally be retired as well. At the moment we plan to re-use the curtains, which I made myself, since there is a red stripe in the new bed coverings for the former guest room bed. which we got at IKEA. Of course, that is subject to change.

Note the large black trash bag, waiting to hold everything under the beds. And there was lots. I guess Rhonda and Vicki will like this tidbit: under the single bed, where Beccano used to sleep, I found evidence of a good thing, but wish I hadn't had to clean it up. Apparently the child WAS flossing his teeth fairly regularly...but WHY did he have to stick the used floss under the bed? I had to pick every little piece up, too, because I was worried it would mess up the vaccuum cleaner! Yuck!

Even though we had a party to go to, church, and knitting store work, we still managed to get a lot done. On the Flickr page, there's a picture of the room all ready to paint and mostly empty. We got the primer on the accent wall (it will be denim blue) and one coat of color on the other walls, which are a color called Light Almond, or something like that. It is very close to the color of my skin. We will try to avoid telling Tuba Boy his wall color is "flesh," however. It's a nice, neutral color that looks mature and masculine, befitting a young adult. We should have the paint done tonight or tomorrow night, then put in the major furniture.

Once that's done, we will figure out where to put additional shelving, since he requested some like the ones we put in Beccano's room. He has a lot of books now, so it would be good. We also found a cable TV outlet that I didn't realize was there. He will be VERY happy to hear about that! The goal is to put in a desk for homework and his laptop, and perhaps a small TV could go on that, too.

It's helping me deal with missing him to work on his room!

Lee and I had a nice dinner at Mesa Rosa, with our favorite chatty young waitress (she had kidney stones!) and spent a lovely evening together, with Beccano off visiting a friend. Life is good.

Yes, I said that.

I Miss Tuba Boy

Tuba Boy in Ireland
Originally uploaded by sunasak.

Tuba Boy is still at debate camp. I have received two emails from him, so I know he is alive, anyway. But that doesn't replace his smiling face. I am really looking forward to some logorrhea when he gets back and spews forth tales of all his new debate knowledge.

At least with all the rain and flooding in north Texas (that is where he is), I know he isn't getting out to carouse much! I also hope he has called or emailed his dad. I don't think he realizes how much we worry about him, and with his phone not functioning (again) it's impossible to contact him!

Last night it was so nice to be watching TV with Lee and Beccano. It feels like a family to have a nice room to enjoy just "being" together in, and we don't have to all crowd onto my bed like we used to (for some reason, I have NEVER enjoyed watching TV in the family room--I can't really see it well, even though there is a big television in there).

Starting tonight we'll be emptying out his bedroom in preparation for painting and sprucing it up. Whee.

On a Lighter Note

Ha, no one ever comments on my deep philosophical posts. Probably takes too much thought, or no one wants to come out and say what a whack job those posts make me seem to be. Just kidding. Lee did mention how organized my rants are. It always comes out that way--I even do extemporaneous speeches that come out with beginnings, middle, ends and themes tht wend their way through. I have absolutely no clue how that happens, either. It just pops out. I will attempt to be less serious for a bit now.

I am really, really happy that today's my last day in the office for a while, and that tonight Tuba Boy will come home! Since I've hardly spoken to him in a month, that is really good news. I hope he talks some during the whole day we get to spend together! He's off to debate camp on Sunday, and I am off to Sanford, North Carolina to do some work. Then off to see Poppy Prince and Flo in High Point, with Beccano and Lee. It will be fun. I miss my dad so much. And I think he will like Lee and vice versa. OK, I have mentioned that already in here, let's move on.

I can't wait to get a lot of knitting done, either. Lots of yarn will be in my suitcase! It goes pretty slow now, with all the work Lee and I do at home. Though this week we have engaged in a bit of vegging in our lovely new media room. That has felt so...normal. Sigh. And that is so wonderful. I still can't believe that I have found someone so wonderful to share my life with--just right for me, and that's what counts. And I am relieved that the kids like him, too.

Now, if the darned dog would just stop breaking out of the house, all would be well. Rose just moves from one irritating habit to another. We are glad she isn't so much into chewing these days, but...clawing her way out of the yard ALSO is not good.

This post had basically no content.

Kidz at Work

I thought it would be fun to share this link to the Older Boy and the Girl's AP World History project. It's a Flash animation, with the Flash part courtesy of Beccano. While it has a few "issues" (the voices don't synch quite right, and some of the images don't display long enough), it's still pretty good. The Older Boy is the voice of the US fellow, and may also be the USSR guy--hard to tell, since the voices are distorted. The Girl is the narrator. Note that it is on endless loop, so get out when it restarts! I will tell Beccano how to make his next one end, not loop.

I was very impressed at how hard the worked on the project. It took them days and days, and lots of cooperative action among the team. It was enjoyable to see the high schoolers relying on the younger teen's expertise. And I think they were the only ones doing a Flash presentation for their project!

Of course, there was a down side. As I was trying to get to sleep with the help of Tylenol PM (boring story of incredible itching issues from sun and mosquitoes), Older Boy came in looking for help in making the presentation viewable by his teacher. Apparently no computer at the school has FlashPlayer. I tried to let Lee and him figure it out, but ended up being needed to upload the file to the Web. But, the fact that I uploaded it is why I can share!

Here I Am!

Did you miss me? This is the last day of my first week at the Delicious Employer (mmm). I've been so worn out at the end of the day that I haven't been able to blog about what it's like here so far, but now I have a better set-up, so I can.

Things are fine at home, except I just learned that the ex won't be able to help Older Boy go to the camp he wants to attend this summer. I don't really think *I* can do it either, but I guess I will have to try, somehow. Ex suggested I sell the lacrosse equipment. I'll have to see if the son wants to do that or not. I guess I can sell my lovely bicycle (sniff) and all my cool cycling shirts. That should get me something. And give me closet space. Other ideas appreciated. No, I will not sell my yarn stash, LOL.

The new job is OK. As usual, a bit slow to start. I didn't get a computer until yesterday, and it's a little HP portable. I also got a phone yesterday so now I am all set. I spent a lot of the week reading Training for Dummies, which actually turned out to be a pretty good book. The stuff I will be teaching at first is a bit of a snooze, but it won't kill me. And hopefully I will get to learn a lot of new software for developing computer-based training. They seem to have killed off the in-person based training here.

Coworkers are nowhere nearly as sparkling and fascinating as the old ones, but then I don't know them very well yet, so they may be hiding their sparkles. So far just a LOT of talking about golf, which has me concerned! Besides, my old coworkers were just so wonderful that they can't be replaced. So I have their photos on my desk. But it's OK. The new boss is a very calm person, a woman of few words. But she has been helpful and nice and not obtrusive. Not bad.

That would be my very large u-shaped desk. Right next to my genuine walls (two!). Cubes are as big as manager ones where we were before, as big as Lee's, and with big wide aisles. That's because there is NO ONE in this place. Reminds me of the Dysfunctional Nonprofit Organization's old offices when I worked there. Many large rooms full of unused stuff.

The best thing is knitting at lunch on the patio, though it's very breezy. You can smell these trees that are blooming in light purple (I wish I remembered what they were) and hear lots of birds. This whole place is surrounded by wildflowers and trees--very pretty and great for butterflies and views. And it was obviously very nice looking when fully staffed and occupied. I hope someone will tell me soon how to exit so I can walk the trails!

I will catch up on my words for others and summarize them over the weekend. I hope to also write about issues related to what's in the news these days.

Greenhouse Effect

Ooh, it was a cold weekend. We had sleet much of the day Saturday, and there was white stuff on the roofs of the houses when we woke up. Either snow or sleet accumulation.

We brought in most of the delicate plants and covered the ones we could not bring in. Most (I think all) survived, though yesterday the peppers looked puny. Today they are perky again. Perky Peppers!

In honor of the cold snap, here's a photo I took that I call "Greenhouse Effect." (It's photoshopped, so that's why it looks stylized.) These plants made it through the cold snap just fine...the frame is the old door that we took off when we installed the new one with doggie door ("we" being Lee). He just leaned the old door against the house under the kitchen window until we figured out what to do with it. Well, the bad ole weed plants that keep coming up between the house and the patio of course emerged behind the door. They ended up growing rather prettily and look like plants in a lovely greenhouse, not weeds and a discarded door. (In there is Virginia Creeper, Wandering Jew and a lantana seedling from the plants in the front of the house thanks I guess to the wonders of bird poop).

Obviously all this door and weedage has to go, but I am glad we got some photos of it before it went!

Other than coldness, it was an OK weekend. The Flower Communion at Ye Olde Spiritual Community went fine, and I got a flower that perfectly matched my purplish shrug. There was a children's choir and they did GREAT (especially compared to previous attempts at getting kids to sing at this church). We were all late, but managed to sing our song OK. It was the one with weird UU lyrics and including the word "architrave" of some such unfamiliar word.

At home, Lee, Beccano and I cooked a lot. The boy and I made pear cobbler from scratch (and it was delicious, with three types of pear). I made deviled eggs with tartar sauce because the mayo we bought has disappeared. It was interesting, but people ate it. I baked bread with ricotta cheese in it, and that was way yummy and moist (we had extra because we got a large container of it for the lasagna). And Lee and I made lasagna. He did it, mostly and it was GREAT. MMMM. We have great leftovers right now, including split pea soup I made on Saturday.

My sister showed up for her final holiday meal before moving, and we ended up also having the Girl with us at dinner, since her family was late picking her up after visiting Older Boy much of the day. Poor Older Boy has lots of ups and downs now that the Girl is in the picture. But he is mostly happy, and she's quite nice. It was good to have here there. We had a pretty fun meal and used the big table in the dining room, which I had decorated in yellow and purple and green with fertility symbols all over it (glass eggs, birds, and butterfly paperweights).

My only unsuccessful event of the weekend was a knitting mess up. I bought some GORGEOUS yarn, GGH Mystik in color 94, a VERY green and shiny color that looks like an emerald. I decided to make a lacey round yoked top in the new Rebecca pattern collection out of it, because it will really show yarn overs well. So, I spend all Saturday night cursing and swearing as I tried to cable cast on with size 1 metal needles and this slippery yarn. Then began tedious twisted ribbing. Then said, hmm, this appears rather wide. I looked at the instructions. Where I mentally heard 140 stitches, the actual number was 114. You can see how my auditory/kinesthetic learning style did NOT help in that case! So, I have to cast on again. I didn't knit on that yesterday. I kept plugging away on my lovely bamboo shawl. Still have to finish the top-down sweater from the class, too. I know what I am doing with it, now. A horizontal leaf border, then feather and fan to the end. It will be "different."

Sick-Lee

OK, last night it was funny that I called Lee "sick Lee" and then realized it came out "sickly."

But today I am also feeling sick. I think is it mainly sinus stuff, from sitting in a really dusty stadium watching older boy play lacrosse. He did well, too, and actually ran a while with the ball and looked like a lacrosse player. But wow, my head began to feel like it was about to explode, which had started in the knitting store, in any case.

It was interesting at knitting--there were some new people there, leading to a new dynamic. I like meeting new people in an atmosphere like that. I also learned a lot about the holocaust from one of the ladies there who is a teacher and had gone to an interesting workshop on it. I wish I had been there--she got some really neat materials. Since I have so many emotional issues with it, I'd like to learn ways to teach it sensitively without overwhelming people. We had a couple of interesting snippets of conversation with others, including a couple of Jewish people, one from eastern Europe. Makes my day to have such talks.

Work was good yesterday. Even the frustrating parts were interestingly so. It is continuing to be good today, as we evaluate the weird assessments we have been writing. They have ended up better than I thought. I surprise myself. And Lee surprises himself, too. We are good little assessors and facilitators.

Lunch over, back to work in a weird classroom where I cannot check my email. Which is frustrating because I can SEE it, but not check it.

Good Tuba Boy

Not a great picture, but this shows the Older Boy at his recital Tuesday evening. Every year the band students do this before their solo and ensemble contest, as a practice. He was so careful getting dressed, though is appears that his pants were thrown in a wad on the floor, and his shirt was so new it was full of creases. But all the boys looked like that. Either their tie, shirt or pants was slightly askew. But what really amazed me was how beautiful it sounded. I didn't know tubas could make such pretty music--his tone was lovely, and he didn't mess up at all that I could tell (especially compared to most of the other kids we heard). I hope he gets that second movement down! He also told us he is now in the orchestra, too. There is only one tuba in the orchestra, and I guess the kid who was doing it isn't any more. It's an honor to be in the orchestra as well as in the top band!

He also got to play at his lacrosse game last night, and I wish I could have been there. But, we learned the song we are playing at the memorial service for our church member friend on Saturday, so I had to be at choir, sigh. Anyway, I am proud of him for sticking with things, even when he isn't the best. His debate partner and he have not won anything all year, and he is the least skilled lacrosse player, but he is getting strong and learning a lot about debate, so it's worth it. Just a lot to do.

Please think of me tomorrow as I do an interview for perhaps the only job left to apply for at ALE. All the other positions I applied for have gone away, thanks to a hiring freeze by our New CEO, same as the Original CEO. I knew all that rah rah talking about how thrilled we were that he was taking over again would not mean good things for little Suna. Plus no bonuses for the real employees either, which doesn't help our household financial status. But, I have this one chance in a group in another division, so I will give it my all. After that, off to look for contract work. It will all work out, so Lee keeps telling me.

Sweet 16 and not interested in getting kissed

How could you be thinking about kissing when you have Guitar Hero to play for hours and hours? It's a good thing, I guess, since the previous game he was obsessing over for Christmas must be about finished. Anyway, that's the 16-yr-old with his new haircut and new "guitar."

Hey, I like that game, though--all the music is from my generation!

We've all spent the Older Boy's 16th Birthday/MLK Day holiday at home, because the weather got scary here and they sent us all home. Lee and I did crawl into work, but crawled back soon thereafter. Lee is feeling better, but I seem to have the sinus attack germ now, so I am very glad to be home and medicated.

One more of the "milestones" of getting through the transition to a new partner is finally over, too. I finally told my dad about Lee. I think he's thrilled that I asked RM to move along, but probably not thrilled I have a new dude already. I am perfectly aware that it has to be tiresome for there never to be a break between dudes, but honest, this one was different, I swear. Honest. Hee hee. Dad seems to be OK, though my stepmother has a weird issue with her foot that they can't resolve. She will be 70 tomorrow. Wow. My family is aging. We all are.

At least we are proving we can stand each other sick. And having a fun day of laundry and household catch-up. For once, all the websites I do are caught up, I owe no other work, and I can just relax a bit. Well, and think about how I would like to get a new refrigerator sooner rather than later. Ours is still unhappy.

Younger Son Rocks! Older Son Drives Soon!

I am so proud! Remember that the Younger Boy got a school-level award for his computer art last month? Well, he got a call today that he also got a district-level award and has moved on to the regional competition. We did not expect this! The best part of this is seeing him looking proud of himself. It's true, people sit taller and puff up a bit when they are proud or happy. He has just bounced around the house all day. He is singing and listening to loud music and being such a joyous person.

And if you had known him when he was severely depressed, couldn't even take a day at school without falling apart, and lashing out at everyone around him, you'd never know it was the same boy.

In other child news, the Older Boy got his learner's permit. If only we owned a car with an automatic transmission that he can practice on! The exDH will be here this weekend and maybe he can try out the rental car (ha). I certainly don't think I will borrow a car to try out a new driver on--so we will have to have him do his practice driving from 6-8 am and hope for the best. Um, or teach him to drive the stick shift.

Comments

Anonymous (Tina) said...
Yay for younger boy AND older boy!!! I would be happy to offer the services of my car for him to try to learn on (you riding shotgun, of course). It's easy to drive, and super safe, plue, it only has 4 cyl, so it won't go very fast, haha.I am looking forward to seeing everyone tomorrow. Also, we were thinking about bringing the pup to play with Scrunchy - maybe outside? Nibbler doesn't have a yard or any other dogs to play with, plus Bryce hates him. Let me know if that's okay with you.
Friday, December 01, 2006 5:07:00 PM

Anonymous said...
YAY for both boys! Congrats to all of you -- proud boys, proud mom! Life is GOOD!!!
Tuesday, December 05, 2006 11:01:00 PM

Bordering on Happy...Watch Out

You know I don't spend a lot of time posting about how durned happy, but I have just had a few really nice days, so it's hard to deny that I am enjoying life at the moment.

Of course, being Suna, I have odd reactions to happy things. Today we were "leaked" the info that there will be a permanent job in our department opening up. It's currently my fondest wish. To get to keep working with the same folks I work with now would be so, um, "awesome." But I panicked and sorta felt sick at first. I know there are others in my dept, and other former contractors, too, who would love this job. And while I am really sure I have a lot of great qualities and that my colleagues and boss like my work, I also know that the two new guys are also really good. Oh well, as Work Man put it, ALE is a competitive environment, so you have to be up to competition. And use all the advantages you have. Thank goodness I have at least one permanent employee who'll let me know what kinds of questions they'll ask, what they want to see on my resume and all that. That same employee said at one point today, very quietly, that he will do everything he can do make me permanent--he doesn't want to think of not having me around--he'd miss the other half of his brain, I countered. Yeah, that mutual devotion thing will help a lot! It's been a lot of fun getting to know a new, good, friend that well. Lots of laughing, fun coincidences, and really fun work, believe it or not. I have missed having someone like the Wonderful Dave to work with--someone who works like I do and enjoys doing creative stuff as a team. Yet lets me work alone when I have to write (and vice versa).

I do have strong reactions to things. A coversation about war, the draft, and kids going to war started at work. Work Man told us about his son writing about the sound of a bullet going past him, and how he couldn't read any farther. I got nauseated, just to think of anyone's son having to go through that. All I could say was, "I guess I have really strong feelings about this." I know everyone thought I was being a self righteous pacifist or being judgmental about people who volunteer for wars or whatever. But this one was just a part of how strongly I feel about the kids. My kids. His only kid. Austin's son. That they should not have to be placed in places where other kids shoot at them. Since they kept on talking about it, I had to leave for a while. I did get a nice hug out of Work Man when I came back. But I am not sure, sometimes, why I have such strong feelings about only certain things. Most things I have a perhaps overly existential view on. But the three or four issues that get me, they really get me. I just can't believe people really WANT the world to be set up this way. But I guess they do.

Ha, this evening, the older boy and DP were having a "discussion" about how the world should be, and I listened to his passion about human rights (though he sees things a bit "sideways"), and I sure did see myself. It is absolutely thrilling to hear my own child arguing strongly and surely about what he believes, and hearing how his thought processes are maturing. I am glad he is in the youth group, even if it's a pain for him to get there--I know he gets to talk about issues that matter with like-minded young people and some really thoughtful adults.

Highlight of older boy's recent life? He got to dance with the tuba players in the Baylor Band last night, at Festival of the Bands. He was so THRILLED. And the band was so good. Wow. Our kids made me proud. Plus the younger boy and his middle school band were by FAR the best middle school band there--he's performed a lot lately, too, and drummed well. Oh, and my "third boy," the eighth-grade tuba player I met at the first football game of he season, he did well, too. He and my younger boy really enjoyed sitting with the high school band on Friday and playing songs with them. This kid's a hoot--very outgoing and good with adults. His dad just watches him and shakes his head (the dad is nice, too).

I'm proud of the younger boy, who is sticking up for himself at school in a very mature way. He was stuck in classes with a very disruptive kid who once tried to hurt him. But he managed to convince the guidance counselors to let him switch two of his classes, so he could concentrate better. I didn't have to do it for him. He did it himself. This is the same child who used to just put his head on his desk when stressed out at school. Amazing.

And hey, I finished a pair of socks. I took pictures, but I can't get them to show up, I guess, once I have typed something in here.

translation: At this point I am thinking of Lee as a really, really good friend, whom I could like more, but can't. I did hug him before I went home, after he was so nice about the war thing. And I realized at this point that he liked me as much as I liked him. But there was no indication of anything other than being friends. Anyway, for those interested in chronology, that was the first hug.

Comments

Anonymous who is really Tina said...
Yay for being happy!Don't let ALE tell you that you are "too good" for a promotion/permanant position - they told Bryce that when he worked there several years ago. I should be at CwS tonight, though I don't know how long. Kat is moving here tomorrow, so I have to finish some cleaning stuff tonight. Icarus is still unfinished, I still have sock ADD, and my brother's baby is due earlier than they thought so I've been devoting energy to knitting baby stuff.I have good news at my workplace, as well - remind me to tell you about it.
Wednesday, October 25, 2006 10:33:00 AM

Anonymous said...
So, in addition to adding my blog to bluebonnet's site, you should add this knitting podcast: http://limenviolet.com/ (their blog is here: http://limenviolet.blogspot.com/). There is much giggling, and hilarity, and it's not always PG but it reminds me of CwS, hehe.I also enjoy "It's a Purl, Man" - which is hosted by a male knitter (gasp!), and is quite enjoyable. There's another one called "At the Yarn Shop" which I love but hasn't been updated in a while.I have more, but there's at work and I can't remember them. :sigh:
Wednesday, October 25, 2006 10:04:00 PM

Sam said...
I love that you have a chance at that job. I am vibing hard and lighting candles that if this is the right job for you, then it should be yours.Take careSam
Thursday, October 26, 2006 10:37:00 PM

Clear Vision

I wanted to share an experience from yesterday. I took the older boy to get contact lenses yesterday. He takes a lot of showers and changes clothing without prompting now, so I felt like he could probably handle it, and it is really not good to try putting the lacrosse helmet on over glasses--he ruined a really lovely pair this time last year by doing that. So, he goes in and gets approved for them, and makes the decision for himself as to what kind he wants (I just listened). Then the doctor put in the contacts--he got them in the first try.

He looked around the room. The biggest, hugest, most awed smile came across his face. I don't think I have seen him so happy since we went to the Former Work conference in 2005. Then he said, "Wow, peripheral vision--I haven't had that in SO long!" And he was thrilled to be able to see me out of the corner of his eye. I am betting his lacrosse and marching will improve with his new vision.

It takes a while to get used to him without glasses, but it is a good thing. He seems to be taking it very seriously, and will carefully build up wearing time.

It will be a long weekend from now on--Pfootball at Pflugerville tonight, then Dear Partner and I go to a state park, where he has a gig in a cave and they are letting us have a rustic cabin for the night. Then we come back and he has some fundraiser to do sound for, then his brother shows up for a week. I am so not prepared, but will cope.

Comments

Anonymous said...
Aw, how cool! A gig in a cave AND peripheral vision!I miss my contacts, hehe. I wore them every day from when I was 12 until I was a senior in High School, when I got way too busy to bother with putting them in every day. Then when I got to where I wanted to/was able to wear them every day, they dried my eyes out really bad.I've yet to find some that work for me.See ya Saturday at the LYS, right?
Friday, October 13, 2006 9:14:00 AM

knittingwoman said...
my 2 middle boys wear contact lenses. For similar reasons, it is difficult to wear glasses in a fencing mask. The older of them who is 19 works as a paramedic and just switched to the 30 day contacts that he can keep lenses in for more than 24 hours if he is working. I got contacts at 16 and loved them, gave up wearing them after about 15 years. The newer ones are great and the 2 week then throw them out is great for teens.
Friday, October 13, 2006 9:20:00 AM

Sam said...
He is growing up! It is neat to read about the maturation of friend's children although if mine would slow down and stay the age they are now for a few more years I would be very happy.Have a wonderful time in the cabin and in the cave. A weekend away sounds glorious.Take careSam
Friday, October 13, 2006 9:36:00 PM

Barbara said...
Awesome on the contacts front. It is so exciting when they grow up and reach a sort of milestone that they are excited about. I can't wait to hear about the cave concert -- how cool to hear real 'underground' music. :)
Sunday, October 15, 2006 10:36:00 AM

Jennifer said...
Coolness on the contacts. :D I am utterly phobic and skeeved out by the thought of touching my eyeball, but I am assuming Alice will want contacts when she is older. Her lenses are SO thick and *whispering so she can't hear me* she looks so much better without her glasses on!
Monday, October 16, 2006 7:06:00 PM

Tired of Sick

I am now officially tired of having a cold. I slept most of today, for no good reason--I had slept last night. My head hurts and I couldn't taste the nice dinner I had last night for Cheri's birthday. But, I enjoyed conversation with her and Jody, and doing some tarot, then listening to the older son talk and talk and talk when he got home from his debate event. I should have people over more often. (And I ran into Shannon from tarot class today at church, who would be a fun person to invite for a tarot evening at some point.)

This is the photo I tried to upload in the previous entry. It simply will NOT load there. He is attempting to look "cool." Turns out all the buttons fell off the jacket! You get what you pay for!

A story with a happy ending I hope: As I was waiting for the bus to come back from the debate tournament on Friday (well after the endless football game at far, distant and hot Bowie HS which the team did win) the band director, who was finally heading home as I was heading to my car to sit and wait, found a lovely tortoiseshell kitten with no tail meowing her head off under the "McN HS Band" trailer. It was tame and loved him, and we were worried about it, there with no houses nearby or anyone to feed it, and many cars to run it over, so he (and the older boy, who arrived while we were cat wrangling) and I managed to get it into his truck. I hope he made it home with that loose scared kitten in the cab of the truck!

Too tired to write more. zzz.