My Brilliant Friends

Today's thing that makes me happy must be my brilliant friends. One of the things I miss most about not working has to be my coworkers. They are so funny and so smart. I am always intellectually challenged and learning new things when I am there. One reads constantly and is always referring me to new books on topics like language, religion and such, while another is "not a reader" but practically has the Internet memorized and has amazing musical resources. Yet another has brilliant political insights, etc., etc. A fun bunch of folks, and I miss them! But, they keep in touch. One sent me this brilliant video from "CNNBC." (Even if you don't share our political viewpoint you can appreciate how well done it is!)



Is that not a hoot?

I also get so much from my friends at Live Oak UU, too. I love how many different perspectives come up in our Circle Supper dinners and such! Even with my hermit tendencies (I must have gotten them from Lee), I realize I need to be around other folks so I can learn from them. Of course friends are good for support, for companionship and for doing things with, but always remember that everyone around you has something they can teach you, so be open to the chances to learn!

Before I forget--I've got great friends from the kids' school, knitting and of course, online! I have learned so much from email lists and my online work in the past! Thanks to all of you for being around and for sharing so much of yourselves through such a seemingly impersonal medium.

But wait, there's more! In the past few weeks I have learned a great deal in, of all places, my Facebook status comments. Wow, there are some insightful people all over the world willing to contribute their perspectives on issues I bring up. I wish I could save them all and write them up in an inspirational book.

Here's an example. I said, in the kind of self-indulgent whine that I am so darned good at:

Sue Ann Kendall is trying to have a good day, honest. But everything I say is not coming out right, things are irritating me, and my back hurts from moving furniture around. I wish I could say what I think about matters that are important to me without upsetting people. Yes, yes, sometimes it is THEIR issue, not mine. My issue is losing friends by inadvertently offending people, which I am tired of. Sigh.

Responses included (names omitted, of course):

A: I am sorry. I wish people would just get over themselves and deal with it. If you say something that offends someone maybe it was something that needed to be said and it is something they don't want to face, so it is easier to get mad or hurt. I speak from my own personal experience. Now, I just deal with it. I hope things get better for you today. HUGS!!
B:  there are days like that. some days it's just better to turn of the phone, close the door, and hibernate a bit. Or spend the day prefacing every comment with "I'm having a weird day and not trying to be mean or rude..."
C: Can you really inadvertently lose true friends? I agree with the saying "those that mind don't matter, and those that matter don't mind."
D:  I agree with what Person C said. Friends can disagree. If you can't disagree, they're not friends.
Sue Ann Kendall: Good point, guys. I think sometimes I view people as friends who are more like acquaintances I spend a lot of time with.
E: Excellent saying, Person C. I need to remember that.
F:  They couldn't have been very good friends in the first place....
G:  I love the prayer:"God spare me from the desire to be loved, approved of and appreciated." BK
Not easy to do, but so freeing.. I ask myself, how many things do I do each day for 'LAA' (love, approval and appreciation'??
H:  One of my great lessons was that I don't really need to convince anyone that I'm right. (I talk about this in communications skills now; isn't it great when we really don't feel invested in someone else's decision?) I'm now working on no longer needed to be liked by everybody. At that point, I will stop trying to please my acquaintances and focus on my friends. I have very few true friends. Those I have love me and seem to think I'm perfect. I'm not, but they are. :-)
I:  "Be who you are, say what you feel, those who mind don't matter, those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Suess. Suna, you have a good heart and a good way of speaking. Don't take things too personally. Remember 2nd agreement of the 4 agreements: "DON'T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY...Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering."
J: I agree with just about everyone who's written a comment here. I really like it when people speak their mind -- it makes things interesting.
Sue Ann Kendall: This is another one of those status threads that has really enriched my life. People who don't like Facebook should read this supportive and helpful stuff and see how it brings people closer.
K:  I love the Suess quote! I'm going to keep that one! And I agree with the sentiments here Suna. Being another "too sensitive" type (misnomer...you can't be too sensitive...you're as sensitive as you are...some definitely more than others) I can relate. I like one of the lessons I learned from Starhawk (can't recall which book, Truth or Dare maybe?) that we all must speak our truth! Your particular voice cannot be heard in the world unless you have the courage to speak...and yeah, sometimes people don't like it, but sometimes too those things need to be said...especially if it is YOUR truth you are speaking. The only way that particular piece of truth can be heard is if you are the one to speak it.
L: True friends love you, anyway, anyhow. And I sure do. Sorry to be chiming in late and I think I missed some stuff-- doesn't matter-- I got your back.

Note how people who don't even know each other get support an insight from each other just by reading Facebook comments! And there is such a wide variety of perspectives. That is so helpful to me and I think to the others, too. I guess, no, I don't think Facebook is lame. I have had too many really interesting experiences and re-acquainted myself with too many people I care about to think it is lame!

By the way, I am going to turn on comment moderation on this blog, since I am getting some nasty comments on my other one (intriguingly enough, I believe it's one of those people I offended somehow without intending to, whom I should be ignoring according to the folks above, ha ha), and don't want to offend anyone here.

End of Decade Philosophizing

I have been reading the blog of Lisa, a woman I knew from my old nonprofit work, who has had many challenges lately. It really reminds me of my years between 2002-2007, only her issues (cancer, for example) have been truly hard challenges. She posted this today, which I encourage you to read. Since I wrote a huge long response, and since I have been so down the past month or two that I haven't posted much here, I thought I'd share my comment here. As context, she talks about the topic of "why me"? Why does all this crap happen, all at once, to people who are trying to lead a good life, treat others well, and raise productive children? I said:

Well, my deep descent began right about this time ten years ago. At one point, I remember telling people the light at the end of the tunnel felt like it was only a few atoms wide. It all took me by surprise. I thought that since I was smart, tried to be kind, worked hard, and focused on helping others that good stuff would happen to me. I thought things that didn't go well were because I had made bad decisions, so I worked really hard to be kind and make good decisions.

What the years of partners leaving, friends betraying me, jobs that disappeared or stressed me to the max, and financial horrors told me was that I am NOT in control. No matter how smart or nice I try to be or how hard I work, stuff can happen. I can't make people treat me the way I want to be treated. I can't stop illnesses in myself or my family. It happens.

Worse was how long it took me to figure out that this stuff wasn't punishment for being a "bad person, bad friend, bad spouse, bad worker, bad parent, etc." And it didn't mean that the people who "did stuff" to me were bad either. Things just happen. Sure, it helps to try to make good decisions and keep living my life according to my personal values (treat others as you would like to be treated). But that won't make life easy.

All I can control is how I react to things. I guess this is the same lesson you are learning, too. It sure took me a long time. And still, occasionally I fall back into the panic mode and cry out, "Why me?"

I still work for peace in my home, my community and the world, even though I know there are huge groups of people and corporations who do not share this agenda. I will still fight for religious tolerance and appreciation of the wonderful variety of cultures in the world, even with all the forces who think anything "other" should be squashed. That makes me feel good. That keeps me going.

And I expect crappy stuff will keep happening. But I have stopped punishing myself and blaming others. That has not helped.

Hmm, I'll go put this endless comment in my blog, so it will have content this month.
[end quote]

I'll try to post more. Really, nice stuff has happened in addition to stress--the kids are great, I really enjoy my coworkers and work (when I have it). Lee is a great husband and very kind to me. I have some fine neighbors, knitting friends, church friends and online pals. We all have challenges. Just sometimes it's harder to cope than others, and this has been one of my harder times. Funny, though, I think it makes me appreciate the good stuff even more.

Hey, Look, It's July

I am an Echinacea What Flower Are You?

So, my blogging friend and homeowner as of tomorrow, Dragonfly, did this one, and I am such a copy cat. Actually, I don't have much to yammer on about, so this assertion that I am some health-conscious fanatic will give you something to think about (if indeed, you are reading, since I am not sure anyone actually does!).

I would rather be a pansy. They are colorful, like cool weather, and every one of them is different. My kind of flower. So, what flower would YOU like to be? Post a comment and let me know. That would make me happy.

There is not much to post about, which is a blessing, I guess. No huge stresses right now, other than my poor spouse feeling so sick he couldn't go in to work today (contractors will drag themselves in when they feel pretty bad, thanks to no sick days!).


Scrunchy the pug is feeling better. He just licks his legs a bit now. You can see his comfy new halter in this photo. All the scabs are falling off from where he was scratching so much, and hair is starting to grow back, even. He still has a couple of days left of steroids and antibiotics, but he definitely is doing better.

The other two dogs seem to be itching less since I put flea medicine on them, had the yard treated, and sprayed all their bedding. We still have some freakishly irritating brown bugs in our upstairs, which we cannot find the origin of, but I think no more fleas. Both Rose and Buddy seem itchy still. Buddy licks and licks on his legs and seems to hurt, but we can't figure out where. Hopefully Lee will feel better soon and use the very expensive clippers I bought for him to clip Buddy and that will help. I am sort of at a loss for what to do with the dogs and their issues, though I think I may take Rose to the vet this week for a check-up, now that she will wear a collar (yay, she likes her comfy one).

The kids have been laying low and enjoying their vacation. I am having little success getting Tuba Boy to apply for jobs, or to do any of the other little things he needs to do. This week I will continue to speak strongly and not provide treats, I guess. Beccano is learning hard songs on the guitar, enjoying visits from his girlfriend, and eating donuts. Summer is so nice. Well, he starts summer school soon enough!

Lee's dad went straight from his second stay in the hospital to the local nursing home (not sure if I posted that or not). It's the quaint old one in his home town, so at least he is where he wants to be. I am sad that he has had to sell his cows. But, he made sure to sell them to someone who is going to keep them. They were SO tame. The plan is that he will only stay in the home three weeks, then he should be well enough to go back home and I guess start looking for a place to live in Yorktown. Without the cows, there isn't much reason to stay on the farm. This is rather sad.

So many of my friends are having pretty hard issues with their elderly parents. I am happy to know that Jeff's mother is probably going to move to a facility here in Austin. I like her so much and will enjoy being able to see her more.

I also have a couple of friends with health issues, family health issues or friend ones. Big ones. I am especially worried about a friend whose husband's testicular cancer seems to have spread. They are such a sweet family and have had so many troubles the past few years, but are always kind and giving to others. Most of you don't know them, but please think of a nice family in Michigan and send healing thoughts, good vibes, or prayers, which ever you do.

We had an incredibly hot Independence Day, a record 105 degrees (that will be 41C!). We managed to go listen to Jeff play at Lake Austin, and were joined by our friend Austin, who brought us some lovely figs. We got home in time to take care of Buddy while it sounded like a war was being fought outside our house. Drought? Who cares! Let's set of professional fireworks in a crowded neighborhood!



Flowers help me feel better, so to end on a happier note, enjoy these lilies from a bouquet Lee bought me last week. What a lovely shape. Another happier thought: my work is going well and another friend got her dream job and gets to escape a really bad work situation. All that is GREAT.

Life is a mixed bag, isn't it? That is comfortingly normal! Hey, leave a comment and let me know what flower you are, if you would like!

Wednesday Wonders #13: The Blog

I wrote something very similar on my knitting blog today, but what the heck, I want to honor the same Wonders on both blogs today!

Today’s Wednesday Wonders aren’t people, but they are the ways I communicate with people: My blogs! Today is the 4th anniversary of my blogging adventures. This personal blog goes back to April 1, 2005. It is always good, I think, to start a Fool’s Journey on April Fool’s Day! I mixed my everyday life with my knitting adventures until May 2007, when I had to separate into two blogs, one that shows up on search engines and that I give out links to strangers to, which is for my knitting thoughts, and one for life updated, chatting and opinionating for an audience of just friends. If you’ve read for a while, you know why that happened. If you haven’t, well, I found out the hard way how innocent statements can be twisted and taken the VERY wrong way by someone who is upset!

I am really grateful that someone thought blogs up, because I have always been one of those people who kept diaries, journals, logs and other kinds of personal records. I don’t have the best memory for details, so it’s helped me that I wrote a lot down in my past (and grrr to the ex husband who threw away my graduate school journal). It helps remind me of what I have learned from my mistakes, and what joys have popped up among the sorrows and drudgery. I love having these bloggy records of what I’ve been going through the last four years. I get a lot of laughs looking back! I am glad I wrote down so many fun and funny kid stories, and glad they aren’t publicly searchable, though!

This personal blog, especially, has a lot of meaning for me. It has helped me avoid repeating mistakes and shows me how much I’ve learned about job searching, which seems to be the topic SO darned often! I am happy that so many of my memories will be here to read in the future…at least I hope. Something has been nagging me in the back of my mind lately, saying maybe I ought to print out all my blogs. Readers, do you see your blogs as permanent or ephemeral? I am I weird to worry about losing this stuff? I am trusting Blogger.com with my life here!!

And of course, there’s one more reason that my blogs are Wednesday Wonders: they have introduced me to people I’d never have gotten to know otherwise, and I treasure the chances I’ve had to get to know some of my readers, and to at least get glimpses of some of the others. Where else but in the “blogosphere” (which I think of as the place mean and somewhat ill-educated people who pick at newsmakers live, but I realize also includes US) can you keep up with the daily lives of fascinating women and men from California to Wisconsin to New England, or from Denmark to Pakistan…to right down the road! I know I’ve said it before, but it’s time to do so again: thank you all for reading, and to those of you whose blogs I read: thank you for writing!
I really enjoy blogs. They are as dramatic as novels, but they feature real people. They are as educational as textbooks, but funnier and more “real.” Blogs are human, and they bring people together. There’s so much that separates us today—so much “us vs. them” thinking, so it is great to see how people with different views , of different backgrounds and from different places do share so much in common. We love our families, we love saying what we think about world events, AND we respect others. I am glad I have respectful people reading!

Hmm, on an email list (another thing I like!) today someone asked what makes us happy. I guess my answer is my blogs, who are four years old, and the blogs of all my friends, mentors and knitting companions!

Leave my blog a happy anniversary greeting if you’d like to! I thank you all for reading commenting, and sympathizing.

Good to Get Away; Great to Be Back

Like they always say, a change of pace often makes you appreciate the status quo, and that is certainly the case with this weekend. I had a smashing time in Fredericksburg with my two friends, but I was still very happy to get home and see my dear family once I got home.

Absence really does make the heart grow fonder. I enjoyed the teen sounds, Lee's stories, and even the lovingness of the dogs. Heck, this morning I even realized I'd missed the cheerful presence of the parakeet!

A Little (More Like a Lot) about My Trip

Suzanne is really good at planning getaways, and she reserved a cute, nicely furnished little house in Fredericksburg, called Abigail's Cottage. (I love the Internets--you can just SHOW people the house rather than go on about it.) She and I drove over there Friday evening, after a stop at the Burnet Dairy Queen for a decadent "dinner" of a Blizzard shake thing. Deana joined us later in the evening, since she'd been in San Antonio. Her husband deposited her and sped off, which was fine with us! It was great to be in a house, and no more expensive than a hotel! We knitted and chatted until late Friday night, then lazed around the next morning. More decadence. The house has a nice front porch for chatting and swinging.

Saturday during the day, after showering in the amazingly strong footed tub shower, we found the local yarn shop. Of course. We each got some stuff--selection was mostly Rowan, but it was nice, and I enjoyed the rug hooking and spinning stuff in the back, too. What pleased me most was that they had a good amount of naturally colored fibers, local fiber, and organic yarns. I was looking for that for a potential project, so I got good samples to try (there is more on this in the knitting blog). After that wonderful time, we had to eat, so a great lunch was had by us in a place called the Indian Nickel. I had a chicken sandwich with goat cheese and raspberry chipotle sauce.

All fortified up, we then sallied forth to all the girlie shops in Fredericksburg, unburdened by male partners who get sick of beads, jewelry, furniture, clothing and doo-dads. We could dawdle and dream about things we wished we owned to our hearts' content! I was more pleased at the content of the shops on this visit than I had been in the past. There was a lot more locally made stuff, and a greater variety of things than I have been in years prior. There were two really good, inexpensive jewelry stores (both of which got some of my newly available money). Some of the Mexican silver was really nice and really NOT expensive, though it seems to have been made just for the store I was in. In the other place, a guy made most of the things himself. Makes you proud to see a crafter who can make a living at it. His stuff was nice in a Texas-y way. There were also some amazing alabaster plates, bowls and goblets I wanted sooo bad, but managed to resist…at least for a while. Deana did get some.

After we were sufficiently tired, we headed back to the house for more knitting, an attempt to teach me to crochet with beads (I failed, but I did get going on peyote stitch), and watching the other two do beading. Suzanne got my carnelian Buddha bead strung onto a necklace, as you can see, and I like its rusticity. She is going to do more with my other large beads, once I get to her the accessory beads I bought on Sunday. Late in the evening, after dining on snacks, we watched a girly movie, Under the Tuscan Sun. It's something Lee and Beccano would never go for.

Sunday we lazed a bit more, enjoying the house's high-speed Internet, then packed up and headed back for more shopping. When our feet got to hurting too much, we ate at another local store, where I had the German plate (hey, I was in Fredericksburg, land of Germanic Heritage!). They had BOTH the peach cobbler AND chocolate bread pudding. I had eaten so much on the weekendthat I just had a bite of each.

What is sorta amazing is that we went on a holiday in the center of Texas in August and did not get overheated. We had the extreme good fortune of going out there on the first rainy weekend in months. Only we just got a few sprinkles. It was mostly cloudy and relatively cool. We really lucked out. So, all in all, it was a fine trip with some fun companions. We talked a lot about our families and issues, and really were just relaxed and mellow as we could be. Everyone has job stress (well, I don't, but I have an unemployed family member), so it was good to wind down.

The only bad thing was running out of yarn just shy of finishing my latest shawl. Ugh. The best thing was talking about a friend who has passed away with the lady at the store that sells all the cool rocks that my "happy stone" and our favorite candle holder are made of. I knew that friend was involved in this business, but it is so fun to make connections. That reminds me of what was good in that parenting organization. (Of course, it's the conferences I loved the best (the friend who has passed away was a great conference organizer in addition to being incredibly positive and funny no matter how sick she got), and getting out of town with my friends this weekend was the next best thing to going to one of those.)

I have some nice photos of where we stayed on my Flickr pages (scroll quickly through the shots of brown yarn and you will be fine), and will have more after I upload some later pictures.

Good to Be Home

I was so happy to see Lee and the boys, though. I enjoyed a nice dinner with Lee and Beccano, and had a nice time just watching Olympics and chatting. I even enjoyed listening to Tuba Boy's pals wailing away at Rock Band. I was glad that Lee liked the gift I gave him. I liked all the yardwork he did and hope we get tomatoes off his new plants! I must say the roses he planted are looking wonderful.

I know I rambled a bit. Writing in short bursts between Urgent Things to Do is not very conducive to concise, cogent writing. But hey, those of you who read this are my friends and used to me by now, huh! Thanks to Deana and Suzanne for taking the weekend off and letting me come along! It was great.

We have a date! Etc.

Happy Couple
Originally uploaded by sunasak

Mark your calendars: We finally have settled on a wedding date, which will be Saturday, November 29, 2008. That is Thanksgiving weekend. We decided to not do it on Friday, in case people come home on Friday and might be here Saturday, or they might want to have the holiday at home and travel to here on Friday. I think the time will be late afternoon.

In any case, all our friends and family are welcome. This means YOU. We aren't sending out formal invitations except to a couple of older family members who expect such things. If you like unique but not overly weird ceremonies, you'll like ours, which we plan to have at the labyrinth at our church, weather permitting. We have some fun reception ideas, too, many involving foods prepared from holiday leftovers.

I'm hoping this will be a good excuse to see old friends and missing family members, hear some good music, and eat some good food. And we can acknowledge the commitment that is already in our hearts in front of the whole world. We are still happy with each other as we were in the picture here, which was taken at Yuletime 2006, ALE when we had first gotten together.

Speaking of old friends, my new-found resolution to re-connect with them is going well already. Yesterday my friend Nancy from San Antonio came up after an appointment in south Austin, and we had lunch. She shared some of her recent experiences with the people I worked with at the Dysfunctional Nonprofit Organization. Some of the news she shared was very, very good, while other stuff was just incredibly sad. I kept thinking trite things like, "Why can't people just be nice to each other?" and "Whatever happened to the Golden Rule?" People I used to think were kind, caring and ethical people have acted in ways I would never have imagined. I can't help but be surprised, and I can't help but wonder if I was really such a bad judge of character, or have people been duped into thinking such actions are justified? On the other hand, I continue to be amazed at, proud of, and grateful for the friends I still have who do treat each other kindly, even when they disagree. That's what I want to do. I am practicing really, really hard in a few cases!

Nancy gave me a nice piece of yellow fluorite, which I believe is from that cache in Utah where our candle similar holder came from. it is to be a happy rock, and help deal with negativity. All my other rocks seem worn out, so it's good to get a new one!

The whole day was good. I enjoyed work...the people are very nice. And I enjoyed knitting afterwards, though I had to work a bit longer due to my long lunch. Sometimes, when I sit there listening to the ladies at the yarn shop, I just want to hug them all for being so uplifting, generous and fun. That is one place I have made some real friends with no baggage attached.

A worry. I am concerned that so many of my friends, online and in real life, seem to be dealing with bad bouts of depression. Is there something in the air? Is it the times? Is it just coincidence? I know lots of people deal with this really difficult condition, but wow, the people I know who usually cope or are doing OK just don't seem to be these days. If you are one of them, and you haven't been in touch because of it, know I do care and am wishing you the best. I am always here to listen, whether in person, on the phone, or by email.

A Weekend at the Highland Lakes

Favorite Double Wide
Originally uploaded by sunasak

It has been a really nice weekend so far full of fun with old friends and new, and adventures in driving down dirt roads, too. I wish I could share more photos from the weekend, so if you want to see more, visit my Flickr pages!

First, I didn't have to work on Friday, so I took advantage of the last free day for a while by getting my hair cut and colored. I'd been tired of dealing with the length, so I went ahead and got it a bit shorter, and probably about the same shape. I was also tired of how my lovely red hair kept fading to a reddish brown. I had this vision of burgundy hair, but my hairdresser and his hilarious hairdresser pal both said, oh no, that was not good for my coloring. I ended up with pretty much my natural hair color, maybe a shade lighter, with some reddish accents. While not an "exciting" color, it looks more like "me" and I am happy to have a cut that doesn't take much maintenance and a color that won't grow out quite so obviously. I MIGHT get highlights in the front, since I was liking how my gray in the front was lightening up my face. So, the great experiment with blondish and reddish hair has ended. If I had a bit more gray, I'd leave it natural, but right now it's not at the "pretty" gray amount.

Then, on Saturday I did a lot of fun things! My ex was coming to town, and we invited him to stay here with the kids so we could go do couple stuff (it is hard for me and Lee to go anywhere, due to the dog care needs--no way to afford to board 4 dogs, two grumpy and elderly). So, first we drove to scenic (not really) Liberty Hill, where he dropped me off at knitting friend Jen's beautiful new home (really) where a bunch of the ladies from the yarn shop got together to dye yarn with Kool-Aid. I'll have pictures and descriptions on the knitting blog, but here I can say how much I enjoyed being in a group of women with toddlers/preschoolers running around in the mix--reminded me of my old life at the Dysfunctional Nonprofit Organization. Since a bunch of my friends from there are at a retreat this weekend, where the mothers and kids are doing lots of fun things, I was glad to get a little female bonding in, myself (though there was a very nice husband around, too). Besides, from what I can tell, that retreat probably would have been incredibly stressful for me. So, yay, I had a fun weekend doing something else!

While I was yarning, eating and gabbing, Lee explored Bertram, the next town down the road. He found a lovely nursery (to which we returned this morning to buy hanging miniature roses) and a little cafe where he apparently had the most delicious pie ever, chocolate oatmeal.

He came and got me with my finished, yet damp, yarn, and we headed out to Burnet and the Highland Lakes area. You may remember we went out here not too long ago and looked for houses for sale, then we went to Lake Limestone and looked. This time, we spent a while exploring Burnet (sadly, discovering the yarn shop had gone out of business). I was proud that I didn't buy any pansy items in any antique store, though I really would have liked to get a photo of a black vulture that was taken by the owner of a knife shop we went in--this guy does incredible bird photos. Bird lover, knife lover, surgeon, apparently.


After checking into a nice hotel on a beautiful creek, we bit the bullet and visited a realtor in Buchanan Dam, a lovely woman named Jeanette. After laughing at Lee's original budget, she did show us the more inexpensive options in lakefront property. Mostly it was undeveloped property, but there were also two mobile homes on the lake. Apparently all the mobile homes there are quite old, because all the neighborhood associations say if you replace one, you have to do a stick-built house.

We had quite a good time driving all over the lake looking at some nasty land on spits of mud, land with beautiful lake views but is almost perpendicular, lots of deer, lots of winding roads, and the mobile home neighborhood. It wasn't bad at all, and the place you see pictured at the top of the post is actually quite nice, especially if you love undiluted 70s decor. It's very well kept, has fruit trees, a porch swing with lake view, a very un-fancy dock (but one where you can catch large striped bass), a fence for the dogs, and tons of storage space. It is what I always envisioned in a lake house--not a palace, but a kinda run-down place to relax.


I've included a photo or two of the view of the lake, which is on a cove (actually where a creek joins the lake), not the main lake. This cuts down on screaming speed boats and "personal watercraft." This property is also not far from the nesting spots of a lot of bald eagles. I sure hope we can get this or something like it, once Lee's land is sold. Of course, it is sort of funny that selling 80 acres of farm land would only give a down payment on a trailer by a lake, but that's what that "location, location, location" thing boils down to!

It feels weird to even be considering a second house, but I know Lee doesn't want to pay the huge taxes that would happen if he didn't reinvest the bucks from selling his land. I think our idea would be to enjoy this place and fix it up a bit, then when the time comes to sell my house, we'd have plenty of money to put a nice new house (maybe with two stories, for more lake views) instead of the double-wide, which would be over 40 years old by then anyway. It's fun to dream, anyway, since just a few weeks ago I didn't know if I'd be able to pay the bills on THIS house. And even minor cosmetic fixes to the interior (it's all paneled in dark wood, with avocado AND harvest gold appliances) of the double-wide would bring its selling price up, if we did have to sell it at some point.

Let's move on...after all the house and land looking, we were hungry, so we decided to go to a restaurant called the Maxican, in Burnet. It's in an old house, and serves Mexican, barbecue, and steaks. Quite the mix. Well, it was a total hoot. When we walked in, an elderly lady greeted us with "would you like a back rub?" I was sure I'd misunderstood! But no, our second Jeanette of the day assured us that she gives everyone who comes in a back rub, because we are all special and all deserve one. Turns out she is the mother of the owners, and grandmother to most of the rest of the staff, or at least called grandmother by them. And none of these people appeared remotely Mexican, either. We had lots of fun with our waiter, a young college student home for summer break, and everyone there either knew each other or was just feeling friendly. Plus, the food was incredibly delicious. Even the Spanish rice, which usually I am not fond of, was yummy. The salsa was wonderful, the beans delicious, the pico de gallo not too heavy on the cilantro, and the chicken in our dishes so tender. There was a sauce on both of our dishes that was divine. And the staff was SO proud of the food. They kept saying, "It's really good, isn't it?" And I have to say that it's not every day that when you leave you hug the greeter and promise to come back and see her soon. We really want to show it to Beccano!

Today we ate breakfast, went and looked at more property, and viewed the double-wide again. Then we drove home, stopping first at one of those stores that sells concrete statues, because we wanted a new birdbath. They had the one that was in the real estate office's yard--shaped like a branch with a squirrel going up it. Lee even got me a little squirrel to put IN the birdbath. The prices were much lower than home depot, and we got to look at many amusing concrete "things," and to meet the sweet old couple working the store. They both looked like they'd had long hard lives, and didn't have many teeth between them, but they were very kind and helpful. The old lady even sent Lee back to the car after he paid with two bottles of water "on the house" because, "you two look hot."

I have no idea when I have spent a weekend meeting such a variety of nice people in unexpected places. Plus I got to hang out with nice friends, too!

I hope you enjoyed my lengthy travelogue! I am looking forward to teaching MS Word 2003 tomorrow (now THAT is some software I know) and starting at ALE either Tuesday or Wednesday. Of course they don't tell you when and where to report until the last moment. LOLZ, as the kids would say.

Thank Goodness for Goofy Friends

A, P and S
Originally uploaded by sunasak

Here are some of my lovely yarn shop friends making faces. One is happy her arm isn't being held together by giant steel rods any more. The next is showing her love for knitting magazines and probably laughing really loud. The other, who is only ONE day younger than me, is batting her eyelashes trying to get me to knit her a sweater like my recent red one. She brought me all the yarn for it.

In the other photo (if you do not see it in your feed, go to the actual blog; it will be there) there is my friend who brought me a cheer up card, the one who suggested I add a blue bead to the wedding shawl for something blue (standing), the friend who is happy with her new house and can knit two socks at the same time, and last, our German friend who actually tries to concentrate on knitting at our gatherings. I missed a couple of folks who were also there or came later, but wanted to share all these nice women, a wide variety of ages, stages, and beliefs, who cheer me up every Wednesday. I sure am glad we have our weekly knitting nights!

What else cheers me up? Well, interviews help. I had one yesterday for a place where I'd teach Microsoft Office applications in a classroom setting, 3-4 days a week, at a fairly good rate of pay. I could probably make it on that IF they really came through with that much work. In a little while I have a phone interview for another contract at ALE. And yes, I'd take that. It's 9 months of good pay so I could rest up and keep looking for the ideal thing. Of course, I keep hoping the place I interviewed at week before last will call back, but one thing I have noticed is that if I really like a place and the people, they don't like me. It's fairly consistent so far. Sigh. I really wish I had a job in a small place, with people I know and like, where I could feel like a real contributor and know my work is valued.

But, things are moving on. Tuba Boy's car is fixed, so he will be happy about that. He and his brother have been buying and playing video games, hanging with friends, and in general enjoying summer. Tuba Boy is working a lot, but also getting some down time, which he needs. Tomorrow he gets his senior portraits taken. I am not sure why I thought it was on the day of my last post. I must have meant to say "this week."

Lee still has another week at his job, which is a relief. They tried to cut him off this week, but his boss got him the time. Every penny helps. I know it will all work out, but it sure feels like we are cutting things close. Glad I have my nice, friendly faces at the yarn shop to bring some cheer and remind me everyone's got troubles and triumphs.

Advantages of Being at Home

Refurbished Bike
Originally uploaded by sunasak

I am not thrilled to be earning no money, but I am managing to enjoy some aspects of being at home.

1. The best thing is being able to run errands with the kids. For example, I was able to take Beccano's used road bike to a bike shop with him, and get it refurbished so he can ride it this summer (assuming it gets less hot). He had been really upset when the bike didn't work right when he tried to use it, but he feels really good now. We went to a really nice bike shop who did not charge much at all. I am relieved that his dad and stepmother are able to help with this, since our finances are so limited right now. I feel like a "real" mom being able to help him during "work" hours!

2. I was also able to take him around looking for an African drum, which we found at the local music store. It gives him something fun to do while waiting to get work from my friend Bill. He got a "deal," too. It's nice to see him making good choices of what to spend money on!

3. I am also able to get little errands done that have been stagnating when I am gone so much. Beccano and I got his really fancy Radiohead poster framed, as well as Tuba Boy's portrait from his band trip last spring. It looks really good in a nice frame, as you can see. I am so glad Michael's has frames on sale almost all the time! We're putting the picture in the media room, even though it may not be the best one ever. It's still funny.

4. Today we are going to the inexpensive box store to get Tuba Boy very, very cheap pants to wear at work, since he gets bleach all over his work pants. I had been wanting to do this for quite a while. It's nice to have some time.

5. Lots of knitting. Even messed up knitting (had to erase a lot on my shawl last night, which will be detailed on the knitting blog.

6. Next week I can help get Tuba Boy's car repaired. Doing stuff like that while working so far away and taking the bus was practically impossible. The car really needs fixing, and I am relieved that, again, the kids' dad and stepmother are helping out. It is pleasant working the stuff out with her. That is so good!

Other Stuff

I have had no job action all week. I hope, hope, hope that changes next week.

I am sending healing thoughts to my old friend who had some scary surgery. Even if we won't ever get to talk again, I still care about the whole family. And I am sending healing thoughts to my church friend who also had some unexpected surgery complications.

Like Any Other Day

Garden Mushroom
Originally uploaded by sunasak

A weekend's like any other day when there's no job to go to. On the other hand, there are endless possibilities. And you can always find beauty in unlikely situations, much like the little mushroom here, peeking up between the leaves of our onions. Isn't it beautiful?

I'm feeling like the kiss of death for friends at my jobs. I found out today that the nice friend who helped me move my stuff out of my office got removed from the program he was in, too. At least he can still get a job there, but gee, that's batting .000 for my church friends there. Hope the other two people I know who are still there don't get too close to either of us!

And then, argh, we'd thought things had gotten as bad as possible where I spent the bulk of my working years, but no, telling volunteers they are no longer welcome was not the worst. They also took down a valued resource for thousands of mothers, which had three years of archived material. There was no warning, so mothers couldn't save their personal information, stories, and advice. Years of FAQs, quality help for new mothers and organizational information was also wiped out with no warning.

Wow, when they don't like former co-workers of mine, they really go all out! The woman I worked so hard with to set the system up in the first place was also banned from it. It was a BIG mistake to punish someone so dedicated to the mission of the organization and to the mothers she helped. Her fans are legion. While the decision-makers can't fire innocent mothers and babies for expressing their outrage at this, and they have sure guaranteed that thousands of women will find other organizations to join and donate to, and that they will tell all their friends what happened. What a weird world.

I still truly admire most of the women I used to work with in my department. They focused so hard on helping others. They took a lot of unkind treatment and still stuck around because they felt that what they were doing was important. However, other than one exception, they got no rewards for their work, just pressure to go away.

So, let's forget about that. I keep TRYING to. Instead let's laugh at how my weekend started. With dropping the boys off at the airport to go see their dad then head off to Ireland. As Lee and i were driving away from the airport, the phone rang. Beccano had forgotten his passport. The one he kept in plain sight so he'd be sure to not forget it. Thank goodness they don't leave for Ireland until Tuesday, so I was able to send it to him overnight, at great expense. Sigh. I filled the rest of the day with visiting yarn shop friends (hi Lisa!), going to the far south yarn shop in town with Suzanne and meeting an Internet celebrity (see the knitting blog for more on that), then having a lovely Italian dinner with my beloved. That long day wiped me out!

Today Lee picked these beautiful flowers in the garden and displayed them in the media room for me. That was so sweet. He's working on more flower bed stuff now. We sang the hardest choir song ever today, with all sorts of not-well-practiced people, but it came off! The cello player who was brought in did a great job, too. It ended up being pretty fun, even though I forgot to bring flowers for the altar in honor of Beccano's birthday--I'll have to tell him he is not the only forgetful person in the family! I picked some wildflowers, though, and they looked lovely.

Keep sending job vibes. I appreciate them.

Hooray for Friends

Suna and Diana
Originally uploaded by sunasak

First, thank you all, from the bottom of my heart, for your wonderful responses to my last post. If you haven't read them all, you might want to--there are some points I found very healing and helpful--I will take it all to heart, friends! You all mean SO much to me.

Second, I have had a really great few days. For one thing, work has been better. One person still acts strangely, but I plan to return strangeness with kindness and focus on doing my part to create a positive environment. I have a lot more stuff to do now, so I can concentrate on that, and I did a second training that got good reviews, so maybe I'll get to stay!

I am also doing better because I've had some time to relax and laugh the past few days. The picture shows my friend Diana (who lives in New Jersey) and me, as she triumphantly proves she can now purl. Go, Suna, you knitting teacher whiz! I no longer get to see the people I used to work with periodically, and I really miss that, so what special treat it was that life's ups and downs led her to come spend a couple of days with me.

She'd been in the Dallas area helping her brother and SIL after the birth of their first child. It was a stressful time, for a number of reasons, so I was worried about her. Then, sadly, the husband of someone we had both worked with (in my old job and her current job as author and board member in the lactation consultant field) passed away. We realized the funeral would be during her visit, so decided we would go and support our friend, who is such a lovely woman and has helped so many others.

So, she picked me up after work on Friday (yay,GPS thingies sure make finding new places easier) and we drove to far south Austin and had a nice dinner, then went to the service. It was beautiful and a very welcoming event in a Catholic church with lots of woods and ferns in the sanctuary. There was a wonderful mix of appropriate humor and lovely remembrances. I know it was healing for the family, and it was really inspirational to me, too. I felt I got to know our friend's husband a bit, which is always nice. But also, the officiant and a couple of speakers said some things that affected me--about how to treat other people...it gave me some insight into how I can turn my difficult times into something positive.

So, I am glad we did that. I had a little trouble afterwards, as I knew I would, chit chatting with people from the old volunteer organization, but it was good to catch up and see people I'd missed. It was especially nice to see one of our old online work colleagues. But mostly, it felt good to just be there to support a fellow human who was grieving.

Afterwards, we went back to my house, apparently driving toward a tornado warning, but we didn't know! The storm opened up just before we got home, so we were wet, but had a nice visit anyway. Diana was blown away at how my boys had grown, and said such nice things about them. It is amazing to see people you see every day from someone else's point of view. That helped. We laughed and talked about all sorts of things, things I don't have local woman friend to talk about, so it was very good to have this chance.

Yesterday Diana and I did tarot, had breakfast at Starbucks, then spent the rest of the day at my favorite hangout, the yarn shop. I detail this in the knitting blog, so suffice to say we both had a lovely, relaxing day full of laughter and kindness. We had a really good knitting class, and some great conversation with Katie and Pat and others who came by. I wish Diana had such a nice yarn shop where she lives. Knowing she didn't have one made me appreciate my luck in having one so close by even more!

Last night, Beccano, Lee and I watched the beginning of the movie Tin Man. It's good! I sure am glad my knitting friend loaned it to us!

Today it's all rainy again, so I hope we can just relax today, though we may end up helping Jeff move some stuff to his new residence. I am hoping that this one works out well. It sounds like it will. I am glad we can still be friends with him, too. I've said it here before, but I will repeat. The thing I am most grateful for is my friends, both near and far. The mutual support we give each other is what gets me through the day.

Oh yeah, Lee's been pretty sick lately. I sure am glad he is getting better. I'd feel so much better if he had some insurance. Darn my employer for not offering it to domestic partners (though I think they are working toward it--I hope what gay coworkers are doing to move forward on this will also apply to us).

Welcoming

Blooming Pineapple
Originally uploaded by ninehermits

Pineapples are a sign of welcome, so I thought this would be a good photo for this post. I have been putting it off a few days, but I should write it all down.

Here is some stuff I wrote on a piece of paper on Wednesday:

I had a rough day yesterday and did not feel welcome--one of those days that make me glad I draw tarot cards every day for guidance. The cards told me to keep to my highest principles and protect myself, because there was some strife/duplicity in the surroundings. It's about work stuff, which I try not to write too much specifically about in here. Mainly I have been feeling rather unwelcome there--just noting that I am specifically not asked for input even on things I am "up" on, not included in office small talk (to the extent that, if I do try, I am ignored/talked over), etc. And the couple of people who are OK to me even seem to think I am dim--tell me stuff is "over my head" or assume I don't know how things are done (like I wouldn't know not to use materials straight from another source, or that handouts/presentations need to be reviewed). What corporate rock must I have been living under in my entire working life? On that one, I think it's just that the person may be worried that I want to do "their thing." I was sort of shocked by getting what felt like a reprimand for saying there would be handouts in a training session. I felt bad--I didn't know you could DO training without handouts, so I didn't view it as a special added bonus.

Worse, though, was yesterday, when I slipped up and tried to offer words of support to a new mother and got a very rude and unkind reaction because of where I used to work/volunteer. I immediately apologized and backed away. Luckily it was about lunch time, so I was able to just leave. This reaction I got does explain why the pregnant person and the new mother have been noticeably unfriendly--I guess a couple of others are just going along with them as part of a clique. I find it regrettable that they prejudged me before actually getting to know my opinions or views. But, it's easy enough to be quiet, speak when spoken to, and stick to work topics.

I am proud of myself for not doing what I usually do and try to explain myself or defend myself (or the incredibly dysfunctional nonprofit organization whose judgmental representatives probably gave these women the bad impression in the first place). When she apologized later via IM, I just said my intention was to support her instincts because she knows her situation best. She said she appreciated that and I said OK. The end. I will not participate in conversations about child rearing in the office again. That is easy to do. Just act busy. I have church, email and knitting friends willing to talk about family stuff with me, so I don't need support or openness at work.

I hope that, in time, I find friends or a place of comfort on campus. Otherwise, days will be long. I hope they fill me with lots to do soon, too. That will help. I can easily bury myself in work when I have some. This kind of unkindness makes me sad. But, I have insurance here. I need to stick with it and be strong.

....

The good news is that I am feeling a lot better at the end of this week than I was earlier. I have had plenty of work the past couple of days to keep me busy, and people have been treating me "normally" (including me in conversations, etc.) Maybe it's blown over.

It has also helped greatly to have Lee's support and kindness when I have needed it. Just to sit together and watch the oak pollen blow around has been healing. (We had a rain night before last that knocked most of the oak blossoms off the trees--the volume is incredible.)

My knitting friends made me feel better on Wednesday, too. They are very welcoming! Just sitting at the big table and enjoying the friendly conversation, kindness and generosity of the very diverse group there reminded me that people CAN get along even when they have different views on lots of subjects. It's been a lot more open and friendly there in recent months, and that makes me happier. It helps me remember I do still have friends and support, even with Tuba Boy distancing himself and Jody moving across the Big Ocean.

Parental Anniversary Musings

Seventeen years ago today, this young fellow was two hours old. He's been a great companion all these years, and brought me immeasurable joy. I feel pretty bad that we can't do anything more for his birthday, but I bought Rock Band right after New Year's and he knew that counted as his birthday gift. Plus, I let him drive my car to school today, woo.

I'd hoped to take him and his two friends out to dinner, but neither can come. The girl's dad won't let her go to dinner. I can't quite fathom that. Now the hope is that Lee will feel well enough to go out to a nice dinner tonight. I think Lee is doing well enough to make it, especially since he isn't going to try to drag himself into ALE today. Doing that yesterday really knocked him out.

A big birthday complication is that his dad is bringing him a car, which he will be paying his dad back for in the fatherly quest to teach responsibility. Guess whose responsibility it is to arrange for the insurance for someone else's car that she doesn't even know the year on? Me. The unemployed person. Having the third car will be handy, though I don't look forward to all the parking ballet in our two-car driveway.

Other Things

I had a really weird couple of days battling my personal issues. For some reason I woke up one night feeling really lonely, like I had no one to talk to. A number of things led to it: good friends here in town announced they did NOT want anyone interacting with them while they dealt with a family problem. I had already not been speaking to the wife, who is someone I used to think of as a close friend, because that was the request. I feel so sad--apparently people in the women's group I used to belong to get to be supportive, but the rest of us are outsiders and not welcome. I'd thought this couple were my close friends, but I think it was mostly on my end. (Same with another supposed close friend who didn't invite me to his wedding--I think I don't have a good ability to tell when friends go from close to acquaintance.) So, I am spending a LOT of time telling myself that I am being a good friend by not saying anything, as they requested. And of course I want to honor the request and just send good vibes. I wouldn't have given advice, anyway--I am always so worried about saying something inappropriate that I try to let people lead the way on things like that, and just try to listen.

And speaking of inappropriate, I accidentally typed "aloud" my sad thoughts about an event one of my email lists is planning--they are all gleefully planning travel, arranging complicated seminars and events, which all sounds so great. I have been so sad that I can't make any plans due to my situation--when they started I had no vacation/sick days, and now I have no nothing. I am sure I am mostly jealous that others can plan fun events with friends and that is not in my range of possibilities (and my family can't visit me--pretty lonely). But, I didn't phrase my concern well at all and that lead to people wanting to analyze me and have me explain myself and...stuff I am not good at. Ugh. That sort of thing brings up all my huge issues with desertion, and the idea I have in my head that all the people who suddenly disappear from my life do so because I accidentally phrase things in an inappropriate way and it pisses them off, but I get no chance to explain what I meant.

I must say, even I grow tired of my neuroses.

I think a root issue is that I just wish I had someone to vent to so I could get it out of my system, and I am temporarily out of "venting" friends. My previous venting target I rarely hear from since I lost the job in Illinois and she got all involved in her new job and partner. I miss her so much--she didn't judge me at all. And that's what had me all sad: I felt like my local and distant friends have all been drifting away.

Note to readers: I realize this is all in my head, and it mostly doesn't come up unless I am depressed or down for other reasons. I realize this will pass. No, I am not suicidal or clinically depressed. I am just worn out from the money and illness stuff. Read the next part.

On the Other Hand

I am proud of myself that, when I woke up all upset about this stuff, I was able to remind myself that there ARE people to talk to. Lee is here when not sick. Jody is here when not consumed with her own stuff. (So they are temporarily unavailable.) And there are still some wonderful friends both here and elsewhere who have not gone anywhere and are still sending me sweet emails and posting helpful comments here. How could I forget them? I didn't! I remembered them, and have decided to concentrate on those folks. And I'll try to be more in contact with the good friends I just don't hear from as much as I'd like--at least I got one knitting friend to show up at the LYS last week.

So, I am less nutso than I think I am.

Nice Stuff

(This is what happens when I take a couple of days off, I have too much to say, and I veer from sad to happy--what can I say, I'm a Pisces and that means "emotion" in a big way.)

Sunday I got a chance to get away and hang out with Jody as she went on quests to buy spinning equipment. Mostly I just wanted to get out of the house--sitting by the phone gets tiring. I enjoyed looking at the countryside, meeting new people and looking at longhorns and horses. I was glad to be there to be supportive of her during a weird time, and that we could talk about our somewhat wishful future plans, family stuff, and yarn stuff. So, see, I have a friend! And I had some fun!

I am also having fun learning stuff in the community choir. I love choral arrangements of spirituals, and we are doing some of those. I think it's really smart for me to have done this. Cheers me up.

So all is well. All that angst is PAST angst, posted mainly to show what a weird thought process I sometimes have, but that I can get past it! OK?

HAPPY MLK DAY AND TUBA BOY'S BIRTHDAY!!

Chatting with Relatives

Barber Shop
Originally uploaded by sunasak.

Today I'll start off with some vacation stories. One thing I like about going to visit my dad is that I get to see the relatives who are in North Carolina. Here you see Beccano telling a story in Aunt Pug's barber shop, with Flo, my dad and Pug listening. This is the same spot where he got his first hair cut. His brother got his first hair cut from her, too, on Dad's back porch. Pug (whom I am named after--she is really Bettye Sue) is Dad's little sister. Of course, he says she talks too much, which he says about all the local relatives. I think he just doesn't like their conversation topics (their lives). She smokes like a chimney, but is in great shape otherwise, and is really sweet. She had a long marriage to an alcoholic, but she stuck with him and he did recovery. She's been a widow for many years, but still has the barber shop they opened together in Greensboro. I remember her loving dogs (can't believe she has none now) and ducks. This visit she told us how she used to always be carrying a chicken when she was a little girl, and the chickens loved her. Just like my grandmother. Beccano, of course, always liked her because he likes pugs. She, however, had mostly poodles and dachshunds in her later years (at one time raised pointers).

So, that is all about my aunt.

I also got to see my first cousin, Jan, and her daughter, Kendall. I have always gotten along well with Jan, so I am glad she's in town where Dad lives. Of course, he says she talks too much. I like how her daughter is so close to her (and they barely look related--Jan is teeny tiny and Kendall resembles her Clemson U football center dad). Jan also has a boyfriend named Lee. They seem to be bonded over the fact that they each have sons with "issues." Anyway, I like hearing about Jan's life and ups and downs!

Of course, when you go to NC you also get to talk to Flo's relatives, who are, I guess, step relatives. She has a very nice family, though her favorite aunt (who she was raised with like a sister) and her husband are both getting very frail as they get older. It is touching to see how Dad takes care of them. They have always been incredibly kind to me and the kids, so I hope they still have a few more years in them. As a bonus, we also got to see their daughter, who was in town.

Then there are the friends. It is cute to me how Dad and Flo always trot me out to all the neighbors' houses. Luckily, they have nice and interesting neighbors. Hilda who lives next door is 98. She still drives and volunteers at the hospital to "help the old people." She still has a lovely garden and is 100% all there mentally. I really admire her--a smart woman, and very generous. She spends little on herself, but gives a lot to worthy causes. Across the street are two other families, both very nice. I enjoy Ann, across the street, a lot.. I even taught her to knit. My parents are very lucky to have a caring community surrounding them.

They need the caring, because Flo is having a lot of health issues, and is a bit "off" right now. And her issues led Dad to feel pretty bad, really depressed. I don't blame him--I know he was remembering how hard it was caring for Mom when she was sicklier and sicklier. I think he'd hoped he'd found someone who'd outlast him. But he is loyal. He will stick with Flo, and has for 12 years as of last week!

That's about it for my family and their folks!

Fun at Home and Elsewhere

Pilar Re-Knitting
Originally uploaded by sunasak.

I've had a nice weekend so far, with my wonderful Tuba Boy home, and the usual wonderful Lee. I also had a nice time at the yarn shop today. I told Pilar, who is in this picture, that I would blog it, because she had me laughing so much at one point. I decided to post here rather than to the public knitting blog, because the story is a little racy.

Pat was teaching a new person to knit, and I was "helping" (didn't feel like earning the money, so I helped her pick yarn, cool new Cascade hand dyed yarn, and was giving additional advice and help when Pat was busy. Pilar was "working," though we didn't have many customers. So mostly she was reknitting the arms of her sweater, again (they were NOT pretty as bell sleeves.) She is a good reknitter.

The new knitter, who was a really friendly person, had finished her first row of knitting, and Pat was giving her the standard little speech about being careful with the first stitch of a row, not to pull the yarn over the needle, or it will look like two stitches. She demonstrated what that looked like. Pilar got a shocked look on her face, and demo-ing with her needles said, "Oh no, you'd NEVER lift her up like that! That would reveal her private parts! You never want to show your stitch's Hoo-Ha!" Well, at "Hoo-Ha" we all cracked up. Especially when we realized it did sorta look like a "Hoo-Ha," Pilar quickly explained it was like lifting up her skirt--you just don't do that to a lady. The new student, between gasps of laughter, declared she would never, ever, forget this important knitting advice. I am glad she had such a good sense of humor.

Jody showed up later, and I don't know if she thought it was as funny as the rest of us did.

I finally went home after a nice time chatting, and packed and cleaned in preparation for leaving for a work trip and vacation, so my next post will be from North Carolina. The intrepid Tina will be guarding the fort and dogs at home. THANK YOU, Tina. And Jared.

Jody came by later and I showed her all the new rooms. We do that a lot. And when Tuba Boy's friend came over, he proudly showed him the new rooms. I was touched--realized he DID care and was proud of what we had done.

And I finished my new short-sleeved sweater in time to wear it in the chilly airport and plane! Photo on knitting blog!

Reminder of How Life Works

Here is a picture of one of my favorite places, other than the new media room. The local yarn shop (LYS). And two wonderful friends there (K, I can blank out your head if you don't want it there).


Friends. I've been thinking about friendship and transitions a lot. My friends are really important to me, and one thing that an upset me a lot is thinking I have not been a good friend to someone. And I feel good when I know I have been a good friend. Like last night at the LYS, where K. over there and I both needed to just unload some stuff. We went to the back of the store and unloaded. Sometimes you just need someone to listen to you and not judge you, even when you are talking about times when you are not at your best, things that confuse you, or your regrets. I am glad to have had such a friend show up right when she was needed! I've made such good friends at this place--the owner (the other woman in the picture) has done a great job building a community of varied but generally kind souls.

Being a Friend When It's Hard. Some of those souls at the LYS have been challenging, and here's where I wonder how good a friend I have been. This week we lost a former colleague at the shop, a woman who'd had a hard time in her life, and sometimes didn't do a good job coping. And who had some "interesting" habits that could get on your nerves (examples excised). We all listened to her as much as we could, and tried to help, but none of that was enough--she just couldn't cope with all the challenges and injustices in her life. Was I a good enough friend to her? I don't think so. I was impatient a lot, even when I had empathy. I felt like, hey, I had similar issues and I handled them, so should she. But really, everyone copes differently--what is manageable to one person may not be to another. What seemed an obvious choice to me did not to her. I just hope a few of the things I said to her helped, a little. And the things our other friends did and said, especially one who was so, so patient and kind to her when she didn't have to be--I hope they eased her pain a little bit, at least for a while. And I am sort of relieved her pain in this life is over. I don't know if I could have coped in her situation, either.

What makes me say "grr": I see so many women I know in pain, having so much trouble just surviving, just because they chose to stay home with their kids, then had no "skills" when their husbands moved on to younger, prettier, or just different women. I get so angry at society (not the guys, really, most don't set out to hurt anyone else) for penalizing women for wanting to raise their own children, for paying women less all around, and for stacking the deck against single people in general. I am fine--I had an education and marketable skills when my marriage dissolved, and it has all worked out fine--everyone's happier now. But, among my circle of friends, especially those in the organization where I used to work and volunteer, there are so many not that lucky. Some hang on in marriages that are miserable for all involved, others run to the next person they can find, quick, without taking the time to make sure it is the RIGHT person...some fall between the cracks. Sigh.

Fairness. Well, who said life is fair? No one. It isn't. It's why I could not watch the V for Vendetta movie Lee was watching last night (Beccno's favorite--what an odd boy). Too much death of innocent folks who were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Too much power madness, which reminds me too much of those in charge in the country where I live. Too much death--a thing I am not uncomfortable with, thanks to my spiritual path, but that bothers me when one human does not value another's life equally to theirs. Too much unfairness. Most days I cope; some days I hit a wall and it seems like too much.

Balance. It's all about cycles. Things are good for me. They aren't for others. When I was a mess, some others were flying high. And most of the time there's both good and bad for all of us. It all balances out. There's birth as well as death, hope as well as despair. That's what our wonderful friends are here to remind us of. All those things. To help keep us grounded, centered, and balanced as the ups and downs of the world go on around us.

This Time Last Year...

1. I started my tarot blog. Happy blogaversary to it!

2. (As Sandy reminds me) I was told I was no longer needed at my job at the beloved Dysfunctional Nonprofit Organization. Yeah, but they keep sending me 800 number counseling referrals. No thanks--I'm not good enough to work for you, I won't do your volunteer work for you. I'd been expecting it--I didn't do as I was told well enough, kept advocating for the clients and volunteers and not the wishes of the Board and consultants...well, now all I regret, and continue to regret, is losing some of my most beloved friends. I guess I am not as good at writing someone who means a lot to me out of my life as they are. But, they have a philosophy of discarding people who don't "get with the program," and I do understand that it is a lot easier to have faith in your course of action if you don't keep people around who have other input. I certainly have that impulse on occasion.

3. I had given up on having a partnership relationship that fulfilled my needs and was based on mutual respect. I had decided to accept a practical, pragmatic compromise with a quirky and egotistical roommate who I had once tried to partner with.

4. I expected I was talented and useful enough to get a job with benefits, an office, and interesting tasks to do.

So, lots has changed. I have learned to work in big corporations as a contractor, thankfully found the kind of partner I always dreamed of, and found other interests besides volunteer work to fill my time (yay knitting). I also know who my real friends are (blog readers stand a huge chance of being one of those) and where it is best to focus my loyalties: my children, my partner, my parents and the friends who have stuck with me.

In other news, I saved a sweet female warbler yesterday, who was flapping frantically at the glass windows along the long walkway from the parking lot to work. I opened a sliding window, and before she left, she looked at me like, "What are you doing??" then gratefully flew to the safety of a tree. I love warblers.

I've still been sick, and missed a visit from a friend and a birthday dinner because of it. Today I haven't blown my nose once, so maybe it is fading. The sickness has slowed down my planned cleaning and straightening, but I will get on it tonight after a dental appointment and a dinner featuring quinoa and yellow cauliflower.

We still have Tina rooming with us, and have reluctantly agreed to watch her dog (which has been left at the first boyfriend's house) while she is at her anime convention. 5 dogs. Ack. This IS the most well behaved dog of the bunch, though. I convinced her, I hope, that she needs to take responsibility for the animal and make some sacrifices to take care of her. I really feel like you can't just dump a family member because they become inconvenient. Of course, that is the reason I didn't get a dog until I had a house, the kids were old enough to not kill it, and I knew I could afford its care. Cats were better for my single apartment-dwelling years. I know Tina cares for animals and even if she's in love will remember her responsibilities because it's a LIFE LESSON, right, Tina? :-) Me, being a mom-like person.

Lots to do coming up. We have picked colors for the walls in the media room, and I hope we can furnish it soon. Woo.

Mothers' Day Weekend

It's been a nice weekend. First, I got the main part of my shawl done and started on the border (photos in knitting blog). That made me happy. I got cute little needles for doing the border and that's made it fun.

Then, when I was finished knitting and chatting with my friends and such, Lee and I joined my former contractor friends Greg, Chelsea and Phil, plus Lea (aka "My Wife" as Greg always calls her), and we went off to a hike in Inks Lake State Park (the same place where I went to the cabin last fall when Jeff played in the cave).

We went on a longer hike than I'd ever been on there, 5 miles-ish in 3.5 hours on the longer trails in the less developed part of the park. I really, really love this part of Texas, so I was pretty thrilled to get to walk on the rocks I have admired for so long from the road! There were also a lot of wildflowers still blooming, and we saw interesting wildlife, like Daddy Longlegs under rocks, a butterfly whose tail looked like a second head (I have a picture of that on Flickr under Travel), and some interesting little ecosystems in the pools formed by rain on the karst rock formations (one even had a tiny fish in it--I wonder if it was one of those who burrow in the mud when the water dries up?).

As you can see, the prickly pear cactus were blooming--Lee took lots of pictures of them, and you can see them in the Flickr links in the sidebar--go to the Travels collection.

The hike was lovely, and would have been nicer if there had been even a hint of a breeze, and perhaps a few more clouds. I thought I was being all wimpy for getting a bit overheated (I am prone to heat stroke, after all, and so is my Psychic Twin Lee), but I found out that even the young people were feeling the heat. Whew. We all began to look forward to the wooded areas, because there was shade. But, the flowers were so pretty, the vistas so vast, and the rocks so darned interesting; it was worth it! I'm only sorry Beccano couldn't join us because he was really not feeling well (is better today).


This picture is really cool. Lea took it and was all worried she'd mess it up. We realized that, oops, we were standing with the sun behind us, and were a bit worried that we'd not see our faces, but lo and behold, we can be seen, and there's this cool streaming sun effect beside us! We do look a bit hot, but otherwise, like the finest of former coworkers!

Today

Yes, it's Mothers' Day, so happy day to all you people who are mothers, may be mothers, have a mother or had a mother. I always miss my mom today, but am glad to have the boys to enjoy. They also fed us at church, so that made the day worthwhile.

Plus, Lee joined the church today, so we are a Pledge Unit, not just a solo. I just can't tell you how nice it is to have someone to go to church with who likes the people there, will do activities, loves me, admits it in public, and whom I can love back. (I doubt that sentence is parallel, but you get the idea). My dad made some joke today about needing a score card to keep track of my boyfriends, sigh. But it is my fondest hope that nothing happens with this one. It's working out so nicely. And I can tell my dad is relieved I have someone more responsible around the house.

In bad news, it looks like something is amiss with my air conditioner, the unit that didn't break a couple of years ago. Sigh. I will now just hope it doesn't require completely replacing the thing. At least I managed to save a little for an emergency, this time!