Don't Know What to Say

I have been both ill and down the past few days, so I am not up to writing much.

I'm feeling sorry for Beccano who lost both that lovely girlfriend I posted the photo of AND his lovely band on Monday. Separate incidents. The girlfriend one has resolved positively.

I'm really disappointed about the other one, because it means I also lost a friend I had thought better of.

The good news is that the new job started and I seem able to do it, so far. But I haven't had to do Articulate Presenter yet, and I just hope my version will work. The new job had some quick deadlines so I worked a lot the past few days, so much that I just couldn't see well enough to blog. My one concern is that the graphic design person is no longer on the team, and I am worried that I might be expected to be the creative one now. I do WAY better with a creative partner like my old pal Dave!

I have some kind of really bad issue in my head--have had ear-aches, weird feeling sinuses, dizziness...just not feeling right. I only had three hours of sleep Monday night from a combination of the sickness and Suna's patented Highly Sensitive Person Emotional Outrage that always comes with I or a person I love gets treated with disrespect publicly.

Oh well, moving on. Not my best week, but at least I will get paid.

Fun Times!

There's been a lot of fun going on lately, and the stress levels have plummeted for at least the moment.

First, I did accept a contract job on a project-by-project basis at a place that does IT Consulting. I will call it "IT Place." I am not sure how it will work out, or how getting paid works, but the rate is great and I will be doing stuff I really like to do, so it all sounds good to me. I'll also be able to keep doing training, if there's time. I am happy to have finally managed to transition between gigs with no gap. Maybe I am getting better at contracting.

Besides that, our income taxes are done and Lee is happy with how they came out, which makes me happy. I understood my own taxes, but have no clue about his, so the merged thing is a mystery to me. I do think this system of income taxes is rather overly complicated for the average person!

But the fun part is that we have been concert-going, traveling fools this week. On Thursday, we went to a restaurant I've never been to, called Sam's Boat. I'd seen it many times. Turns out it's another place where young professionals go to get blitzed more than a restaurant. We went there to see friends of Jeff's, one of whom I had met when Jeff and I visited San Diego (actually a fun trip). They have a Jimmy Buffet cover band and came to Austin for an annual Buffet event here. We brought along Parker and Beccano, so they could hear how they did harmonies and watch the really talented lead guitar player. All the band were really good, though, and they made even songs I don't like enjoyable! One interesting note: those nasty boat-tailed grackles were all over the place, doing their irritating noises and flying all over the diners. You could even hear their shrieks above the sound of the band. And the band was loud. These make pigeons seem sweet. The photo is of the band, plus Parker. I will spare you the other photos I took, where everyone is making faces. We missed Jeff playing with the band--kids had to get home to their homework. But I am sure he had fun!

Then on Friday night, Lee and I went to our friend Janet's house to see our friend Eddie Collins and his band. They were Billy Bright on mandolin, Mike Montgomery on fiddle, and Tom Ellis on bass, and all were great musicians. Tom Ellis even built all the mandolins played on stage, which impressed me, even if he says it's easy! It was a lot of bluegrass, but I enjoy listening to that, as long as it's not a solid diet. There was some fine jamming and good humor, plus we got to see a lot of our friends as a bonus. House concerts are a good thing. I need to go to some of my friend Austin's Mountain House concerts!(Warning, MySpace link with music in it). I didn't get any pictures of this, because the lights were really dim, but I did get a nice photo of one of Janet's goats, who live in her back yard. They are former FFA project goats her daughter refused to send to slaughter.

Yesterday there was no music involved, but Lee and I took the day off from our usual stuff (yes, I did not go to the yarn shop) and drove all over the place looking at scenery and flowers. We made a stop at the Old Oaks Ranch, a fiber arts haven near Wimberly, where they have alpacas, a yarn shop, weaving stuff and spinning stuff. Oh, and a sculpture garden that I really didn't get a chance to look at, but maybe I can if I ever get to go back. It was their open house day, and we just missed the alpaca shearing that I'd wanted to see, but we did get to see the results: animals with very thin necks! I bought some lovely yarn with three plies, each from a different animal. And because I am me, I asked one of the owners to show me which animals the yarn came from. She was really sweet and showed us all of them, and talked to us a lot about the ranch, the animals, etc. She admitted (as did the other owner we talked to) that they picked alpaca ranching because they are cuter and sweeter than sheep. They really are lovely animals.

I'll probably go on about the yarn more on the knitting blog, so go there for more. The other thing we did at Old Oaks Ranch was watch a demo of making a felted hat out of raw alpaca fiber. They do workshops on that, too (amazing workshops at that place). It sure looked like fun, and was a lot more hands-on than knitting a giant hat and throwing it in the washing machine, which is all I have done. I think it would be fun to play so directly with the fiber like that, but wow, it could be an expensive hobby! If I ever grow up to be a rich person, alpacas will be in my future. Otherwise, they are nice animals to visit, and incredibly nice animals to get fiber from.

Today we are decadently skipping church and doing home stuff as we await what should be a highlight of the year for me: Bruce Springsteen! I have never been to a big concert in Austin (combination of having small kids then not having bucks), so this will be fun. We are going with Dan and Lisa, so we get to ride in the Danny Ray's Mobile. I have my only remaining Bruce t-shirt ready to wear, but I think it's going to be so cold that I will have to wear a jacket. At this time I wish I hadn't let Corey have my Asbury Jukes jacket. That would have been a fine piece of memorabilia from the old Southside Johnny days!

Next week I may be rather busy, so expect fewer posts as I transition from one job to the other. I am very much looking forward to working from home again, though.

Hi, I am still here! After most of a week with no computer access during the day, I am catching up, and of course had to leap into the latest craze of making interesting things out of your photos on this site. All the cool knitters are doing it. I used this same photo of Beccano to make a billboard, and it looks cool as my screen background at work.

Yes, I am doing fine at the new job. I almost have the vital cubicle decorating finished (the package delivery gal was really impressed). It is nice having a big enough cubicle to put more stuff in. So, the work report is that I didn't have computer access until the end of yesterday--no one really knows why, just the signing on thing didn't work for the woman who's my supervisor's supervisor's supervisor. Or something like that. But, I am settling into editing online courses on fascinating hardware topics, and happy as heck to be earning money around relatively pleasant people. No complaints.

And it is raining today, so no complaints about that, either. Lee has been feeling under the weather due to allergies (we think it is mold, and I seem to have a much milder, yet rather irritating case of it myself), which has meant the family hasn't been doing much. Poor bored Beccano. I think he will be glad when band practice starts. Lee is getting bits of job action, so we remain hopeful about that.

This weekend brings gatherings and parties, so I should have more fascinating stuff to report soon. And I'll have some photos of fun stuff like rapidly growing sunflowers for your enjoyment. I just wanted to let y'all know I am still alive, just moving slowly until I get all adjusted.

Hooray for Friends

Suna and Diana
Originally uploaded by sunasak

First, thank you all, from the bottom of my heart, for your wonderful responses to my last post. If you haven't read them all, you might want to--there are some points I found very healing and helpful--I will take it all to heart, friends! You all mean SO much to me.

Second, I have had a really great few days. For one thing, work has been better. One person still acts strangely, but I plan to return strangeness with kindness and focus on doing my part to create a positive environment. I have a lot more stuff to do now, so I can concentrate on that, and I did a second training that got good reviews, so maybe I'll get to stay!

I am also doing better because I've had some time to relax and laugh the past few days. The picture shows my friend Diana (who lives in New Jersey) and me, as she triumphantly proves she can now purl. Go, Suna, you knitting teacher whiz! I no longer get to see the people I used to work with periodically, and I really miss that, so what special treat it was that life's ups and downs led her to come spend a couple of days with me.

She'd been in the Dallas area helping her brother and SIL after the birth of their first child. It was a stressful time, for a number of reasons, so I was worried about her. Then, sadly, the husband of someone we had both worked with (in my old job and her current job as author and board member in the lactation consultant field) passed away. We realized the funeral would be during her visit, so decided we would go and support our friend, who is such a lovely woman and has helped so many others.

So, she picked me up after work on Friday (yay,GPS thingies sure make finding new places easier) and we drove to far south Austin and had a nice dinner, then went to the service. It was beautiful and a very welcoming event in a Catholic church with lots of woods and ferns in the sanctuary. There was a wonderful mix of appropriate humor and lovely remembrances. I know it was healing for the family, and it was really inspirational to me, too. I felt I got to know our friend's husband a bit, which is always nice. But also, the officiant and a couple of speakers said some things that affected me--about how to treat other people...it gave me some insight into how I can turn my difficult times into something positive.

So, I am glad we did that. I had a little trouble afterwards, as I knew I would, chit chatting with people from the old volunteer organization, but it was good to catch up and see people I'd missed. It was especially nice to see one of our old online work colleagues. But mostly, it felt good to just be there to support a fellow human who was grieving.

Afterwards, we went back to my house, apparently driving toward a tornado warning, but we didn't know! The storm opened up just before we got home, so we were wet, but had a nice visit anyway. Diana was blown away at how my boys had grown, and said such nice things about them. It is amazing to see people you see every day from someone else's point of view. That helped. We laughed and talked about all sorts of things, things I don't have local woman friend to talk about, so it was very good to have this chance.

Yesterday Diana and I did tarot, had breakfast at Starbucks, then spent the rest of the day at my favorite hangout, the yarn shop. I detail this in the knitting blog, so suffice to say we both had a lovely, relaxing day full of laughter and kindness. We had a really good knitting class, and some great conversation with Katie and Pat and others who came by. I wish Diana had such a nice yarn shop where she lives. Knowing she didn't have one made me appreciate my luck in having one so close by even more!

Last night, Beccano, Lee and I watched the beginning of the movie Tin Man. It's good! I sure am glad my knitting friend loaned it to us!

Today it's all rainy again, so I hope we can just relax today, though we may end up helping Jeff move some stuff to his new residence. I am hoping that this one works out well. It sounds like it will. I am glad we can still be friends with him, too. I've said it here before, but I will repeat. The thing I am most grateful for is my friends, both near and far. The mutual support we give each other is what gets me through the day.

Oh yeah, Lee's been pretty sick lately. I sure am glad he is getting better. I'd feel so much better if he had some insurance. Darn my employer for not offering it to domestic partners (though I think they are working toward it--I hope what gay coworkers are doing to move forward on this will also apply to us).

Why I Haven't Been Posting

(sorry about the fonts in this--I pasted from a new piece of software and it made a mess.)

I have been hesitating to write about what is going on with the "new job" and that has meant I haven't posted anything at all. That really isn't fair, since some nice stuff has happened in my life as well as the icky. For example, here's a nice picture or two from our visit to the Wildflower Center. Beccano is also enjoying his guitar lessons. Lee is building another lovely flower bed. Tuba Boy still seems to have a girlfriend and is quite happy, though scheduled to travel during this year's final SAT opportunity. I got the kids new shoes, and me some, too. I do still apparently have some friends, and they have really been lifesavers for me!

But, last week all my work fears came to a head, and all my paranoid worries came to fruition. It turns out they really didn't like me, they really didn't think I was doing a good job, and they really wanted me out of there. I wasn't just making it up based on previous stuff from the job at the dysfunctional organization. This made me, a person with, shall we say, "delicate" self esteem in the best of times, feel like all the bad stuff I thought about myself really was true. I had confirmation at last that I pretty much suck. I started to shake and couldn't stop.

How did I find this out? I went to a 30-day review with the boss, and she just handed me a piece of paper listing every mistake I had made since I started, saying I was negative all the time, and positing that I was fitting in so poorly that I might not get to stay. To be honest with you, it really felt like I was living a nightmare. There was no way I was going to point out that I might not be all perky due to people attacking me verbally or not speaking to me unless they absolutely had to. What good would that do other than make me appear defensive? I did mention that no one was speaking to me, which made me hesitate to ask questions.

I did figure out that some things I had said in a joking manner were not taken that way, and it's easy enough to not make light of freeware tools or act like I am not fond of mainframe software. I have noticed there is a distinct lack of humor in this office, so I've deleted that from my repertoire. I also figured out that my initial confusion during the first few weeks (cause: what they said I'd be doing in the interview turns out to be what I am NOT allowed to do, and what I said was my least good skill was ALL I did) made me appear negative. So, please note that I am not one of those people who blames others for everything that goes wrong. I know I had a part.

But, I was not all of it, or even most of it. Some of the stuff was really unfair, and it hurt a lot. And it upped my anxiety symptoms big time. Still, I need the income and benefits. So, I have been on a campaign to act positive, cheerful and helpful at all times. Not a negative word has escaped my mouth in over a week. I am viewing everyone as real nice folks I love to work with (btw, some of them are perfectly nice, others might not be people I'd choose as friends, but could be fine co-workers minus their grudges). I am guessing the boss may have spoken to them, as well. They are acting nicer. It does help when it goes both ways. I am not acting like an asinine grinning fool, but I am projecting positive rays. I am not expressing any interest in any project I am not directly involved with (another mistake I'd made--thought the whole team was involved in all the projects, so that was another major error on my part). I am not saying a word about any personal thing happening to anyone unless asked, and offering no personal information on my life. Just saying, "Wow, what a cool challenge!" and, "That should be educational!" a lot, about work topics.

I had a second meeting with the boss on Friday, and to her credit, she had come up with some good plans for ways for me to learn more about the parts of the department that mystify me, and figured out some new duties I can slowly start to take on that will also be educational. I told her I was really grateful and appreciated her effort.

What has also helped was that I taught a class in Microsoft Excel last Thursday, and it went well. My coworker who went to it and helped me set it up sent the boss a nice report on how I'd done. And he has said I am doing fine, and that he appreciates the stuff I am doing. He will even talk to me about non-work topics in off moments. That makes one. A couple of others have at least spoken to me kindly. I don't need to make friends at work like I did in other jobs, but I'd like to not have enemies. It just brings flashbacks to the times in the past few years when people I thought were my friends suddenly weren't. It really, really makes me wonder if the problem is ME. As I used to repeat to someone close to me, if the same thing happens again and again, you might want to think about your role in these repeated issues. So, don't think I am not aware that I am "crusty" and "sensitive" and "defensive" and act grumpy when I am facing a hard challenge until I get it figured out. I know. It's why I wish I could just go crawl in a hole, or live in the country tending my chickens and donkey with my man who loves me the way I am. But, we have to feed ourselves, feed the kids, and pay the bills. Nowhere to hide.

So, I have done my best to improve the situation and make the best of it. I have turned my internal attitude around and am, I hope, not appearing as down. I hope it will all smooth over. It has been quite a blow to think of myself as the bad seed at the office, the poor worker, etc. All those years of praise for my initiative, ability to work with difficult people, and quick learning skills fooled me into thinking I could handle the "real world." Really, I think I just misunderstood what I was supposed to be doing, and got frustrated, which I did not hide well enough. Any frustration in the future will be thoroughly hidden, at least until such a time that I have built up a bank of positivity. An occasional voiced frustration comes out of everyone (and I hear plenty in the office--but they are allowed, I guess). And I will keep taking my medicines. They help.

I do wish I could work doing nice things for nice people who respect and admire me, and that the feeling could be mutual. I guess that is asking for a lot: no workplace is perfect nor is any job. I know that. I just had not expected this one to fall apart so quickly and completely. I felt like I'd been run over by a train, and can only now start to talk about it a little.

This rambled a lot. Sorry. I will try to write some less intense things next time. I hope you can understand that being on guard against any negativity, hyper-vigilant against making any errors in what I am doing, and maintaining the constant cheer takes a lot out of me. I worry that being neutral won't be enough (that would be less taxing). It's like being in a play 9 hours a day. Even great actors would tire of that.

45 years later...

Suna at 5 or 6
Originally uploaded by sunasak

Here I am at age 5. I remember I had to practice not squinting up that one eye when I smiled. I remember my original eyebrows, too, and wish I had them back.

But today I am 50. Half a century gone, over half my life lived unless those Canova family genes really took hold.

I celebrated at lunch today by going outside to eat a sandwich and look at old things: all the turtles in the Turtle Pond near the UT Tower. They have moss growing on their shells, and seemed quite content to be blinking sleepily and enjoying the sunshine. It reminded me that there is good to reflecting on your life in a slow and thoughtful way. I saw a shadow and looked up to see a tiger swallowtail swooping up and down in the brisk wind. That reminded me that I am always changing. The butterfly led my attention to my left, where I saw a plant about 12 feet tall. It had no leaves, only huge thorns. But it also had a beautiful array of white flowers, the size of apple blossoms. The contrast of the thorns and flowers reminded me that there will always be beauty and danger in life.

With that little lesson all wrapped up, I was ready to face the rest of my day. So many of my friends have had huge parties, celebrations and events for turning 50. I honestly don't feel like it, and I know Lee isn't big on celebrations, so we will just have a nice dinner once my dad gets here on Friday. I'll raise a Starbucks toast to myself and Suzanne (tomorrow she is 50) at the knitting group, then sing in the choir as usual. A low-key, pleasant start to the next half century.

I did get a lovely freshwater pearl necklace and earrings from Lee, hand-made by his talented boss. I will TRY to share a photo of it, if I am home at the office desk enough any day soon to do so. Tomorrow will feature a lot of cleaning and straightening for the Parental Visit, but I'll try!

Have you been wondering how the new job is going? Well, it is just fine--there are a lot of details on arcane accounting mainframe applications to learn and I am trying to not be jealous that I am not on the web team. They have the fun jobs. Heh, reminds me of wishing I was on that other team at the previous place! But, here I will have lots of opportunities. It's a bit claustrophobic, but everyone is nice. Once I get a couple of books and plants in here, it will be OK, even though I can't turn around, the desk is so small.

The bus will take some getting used to, but is still better than driving all this way. I only have to drive 5-6 miles rather than 30-40. While the buses have wi-fi, they are so cramped I can't open the computer, so forget that. I have managed to knit some, though!

I think things will settle in just fine. I just need to adjust, which will happen.

Fun with Mass Transit!

Getting ready to start the Exciting New Job (hopefully my LAST new job for the foreseeable future), my main concern has been getting there and back. So, I have been taking my last couple of "free" days to figure all that out, so I can have a nice weekend.

Yesterday, Beccano and I managed to find where I would drive to in order to catch the bus. At left is a photo of it, sort of, and you can read about it here. It was a bit hard to find, because it's off the main road. It's off the main road because it is ON the railroad tracks that I'd forgotten were there. It is at the end of a road I'd never been on before. The facility is beautiful, with lots of trees, and a really lovely station, benches and such. The lot was not completely full, but was not empty either, which is a good sign. People are using it! The best part? We found out the road the station is on goes through to yet another road I never went down (because I thought it dead ended). It doesn't, so we also found a new short-cut to lots of shopping, one that lets us avoid the toll road and some congestion. We were really proud of ourselves for finding all this.

I bought Beccano (home sick from school but better by the afternoon), AKA the Boy in Black, some new black jeans and a black dress shirt, because he really wanted them. He also picked out a really interesting dark purple tie. He will now look nice at any and all band performances and competitions. I also got myself two new pairs of jeans for work. Yay for working in jeans. Wednesday I had gotten my hair colored and a few new tops at Penneys, so I didn't go wild, but it was nice to shop again.

Today I called the transit folks to make sure I knew where to get the bus going back home, and that was excellent. It's very close to where I'll be. Practically as close as the parking garage was at the previous place. Still, I'll get some exercise, and that is nice. I also found out that YES, the bus DOES have wi-fi. How civilized can it get??? So I may still get to read blogs and write here!!

I IMed with my friend and former coworker who works at the Univ. of Illinois and we both had nothing but good job news to share. This shocked us both. We are so used to complaining to each other. What a nice change!! Apparently the change has made me use multiple punctuation marks, but otherwise I don't think it's damaged me.

OK! A PERMANENT Job!

So, you remember I got a contract at ALE last week, which was a good thing, but really not my ideal job. And I told you what fun I had on Friday with the interview on the UT campus and my tour of the UT Tower. (Visit the link to learn more about the place.)

Well, woo hoo, I got a call today telling me I had the University of Texas job! I get to work in the Dungeon in the Sky! Imagine me, about 3/4 of the way up in the picture, in a tiny cubicle, not being stressed out or bored. That is what I am imagining right now. I was so happy to accept this offer. Even though the pay is less than what I was making contracting, it will be consistent throughout the year, and I will have vacation and sick days (those antiquated concepts). When I thought about it, I realized I was only working 9-10 months a year the last couple, so I never really earned all the money I could have. So, after negotiating, I accepted the offer.

I am so incredibly relieved. Many of you may not know I started out as a University employee. I was a graduate teaching assistant for a few years before quitting grad school, and after my really wonderful but brief stint at the National Council of Teachers of English, I worked a couple of years for the University of Illinois. I spent a LOT of my life on university campuses (4 years undergrad, 7 years grad, plus 2 at the UI job). I like being there, and I like the kind of people who do that kind of work. Things have changed a lot, for sure. There sure isn't any parking at this place, and nope, no health insurance for free, but it still has a feeling that makes me feel like I belong. I look forward to starting this job, rather than dreading it like I did the last two contract jobs at big corporate entities.

I even look forward to the long commute. Why? There's a park and ride place not too far from my house, and an express bus. I can knit on the commute and listen to NPR on my MP3 player!! Free knitting time! And at some point next year, there should be commuter rail I can take. Have I mentioned how much I love trains? I would feel so good to not be wasting gas. Plus doing work that I feel good about.

Folks, I am so relieved and happy that I can hardly express it. This was a long wait, but worth it. I can start as soon as my security clearance comes through. Even though it may mean I don't get to spend as much time with my dad when he visits as I would like, I think it will be good. I have told a couple of potential employers that I am set. I have to tell the recruiter for the contract job "thanks but no thanks" tomorrow. I hate to bug out on them, but ya know, I really would prefer to not work at that place, since they were not too good to my man.

Job Seeker Blog #1

I am going to label posts mostly about the job searcharama as "job seeker blog" for a while, I think.

Yesterday was the first post-holiday job seeking day. Things sure started off with a big bang. Beginning at 9 am, emails and calls began, and the last one came in just before 9 pm! Not all the places I talked to previously contacted me, but most did.

Here’s a summary so far:

1. The fun place with the gongs in the office, where I’d be a person who supports clients using the product sent me email instructions for a rather complicated presentation they want me to do on Friday/tomorrow. I am to analyze a company’s use of their software and make recommendations for getting more product reviews for the company’s products. Of course, doing this has been hampered by all the other calls and interviews, and the fact that the kids have oral surgery today.

2. The first place I talked to during the week before Christmas also wants a presentation, this one on “email marketing best practices.” I sure hate the phrase “best practices,” because I am such an anti-buzzword gal. But, I know how to use the Internet and I will go make something for them. That won’t be until next Wednesday, so I have time.

3. I got a call from a recruiter about a contract job at a place where things are usually the color of the sky and are very big. If I went there, I’d have hit the three biggest conglomerates in town, all in a row! On this one, of course, the pay is really good, and I’d work with someone who used to be at ALE in the next department over, which would be nice. The job sounds much like the one I just left, with better equipment—creating e-training. He’d put in a good word for me, which is always appreciated. I go there tomorrow, after the big presentation. Luckily it’s right across the street. In another irony, I’d be working on the products that XH moved us to Austin to work on in the first place, which was at a once-fun startup that got bought and made extra-corporate.

4. I talked to the HR person at a job that originally sounded sorta dull, but once she described it, became much better—a nice variety of writing tasks and at another place with fun and nice people. It might be somewhat far away, but she said they have VERY flexible hours. I could leave later and miss some of the nasty ole traffic that way. I go there this afternoon. Lee’s gonna come home and watch the kids sleep or heal or whatever it is they will be doing.

5. And lest we forget, the company that supports nonprofit organizations, where I interviewed last spring, has asked me to come in next week on Tuesday to talk to them about a position that sounds even better than the other one. I’d still really like to work there—I do understand nonprofits and their needs—just have to do a better job convincing them of it than I did last time.

That’s a lot of possibilities, not to mention the one I interviewed for at ALE before Christmas, which I hope to hear more from (the one with the best compensation package of all the jobs so far) and the video game place that still never managed to contact me…and the places I applied to in the meantime!

PS: More in the morning, an interview report and kid tooth fun. Not fun.

Hi Ho

That's the message I have for Lee today: be a happy worker, 'cause off to work you go. Yes, he has an offer in hand, at our favorite workplace, ALE (who have changed their contractor rules to let you come back only 30 days after you are let go or your contract ends--must need workers to replace all the ones they laid off).

First, I am so glad for him to have something to bring in income and fill his days productively (not that he wasn't being productive at home, 'cause he was). It's so easy to get down about yourself when you are out of work and not hearing back from places. He will have a much more positive demeanor in future interviews and phone calls now that he is bringing in money. So hooray hooray. We can relax a bit!

It is a shorter than usual contract, but they seem to think it could extend. My personal hope, because I am not fond of ALE, its CEO or its policies, is that he finds something better before it ends, so he can give them just as much notice that he is leaving as they gave him that he was laid off. None. But that is just me. Who knows, he might love it and find his way back to something permanent there, or longer term at least.

Tuba Boy's first thought was that he can now get a car for him. And it's true. We need to get one. Mine is that we can now make plans for the house, the future, and life. And I can get my hair colored again.

And on a children note, how the heck did we get so lucky? Last night, conversations with each of them were so pleasant, heartwarming and funny that I just had to sit there and smile. And Lee got Beccano a new leather-trimmed jacket on Tuesday, to thank him for all his help with moving his stuff out of the old house. Beccano loves it so much that he put it on to sit around with me before going to bed. It makes you feel good to see a gift truly appreciated. Yes, we are lucky.

Other tidbits:

• The band parent meeting we are not invited to is tonight. We will be celebrating the job at Mesa Rosa, our neighborhood Mexican restaurant.
• I am still singing soprano at the church choir. It feels weird, but sort of nice to have a different challenge--rather than reading the music for a harmony part, the challenge is hitting those there high notes. Like a high A. Dudes, I am an ALTO. However, out comes the note! And I am as loud as 5 altos. (So nice to be in the community choir where I am not the loudest or best singer--it is nice to have people to emulate.)
• This Saturday's band contest is one I like to attend, but I won't get to see my friend Susan who never comments whose blog is invisible very nice for one only created due to peer pressure, due to weird scheduling of our kids' bands. I hope the kids know their parts 100% by then.
• Knitting is going so well! Fun!
• Work is fine. Hoping lots more to do starting next week. Woot.

(The site I got the illustration from has some pretty funny posters and such that you can download for your cubicle walls.)

Goody for Me

I give myself this really pretty gold star because I did a good job today in my very first "real" corporate training with a big audience. I managed to turn on the projector, get my screen to display, use the software properly, and make people laugh and smile as I taught them some software they didn't want to learn how to use.

And I got some good suggestions for next week's training, too, so I will do even better next time (my training on how to do training says you will always find room for improvement or you are stale!).

There were at least 50 people in the "carpeted cafeteria" and they all wanted printed handouts. Sigh, there goes the paperless office (I'd uploaded the handouts to the meeting online, so people could print just what they wanted, but noooo.)

I guess what surprised me most was that one woman wrote on her evaluation that she didn't understand where I was on the handouts. Uh, I did not print out the slide show (AKA, "deck" at ALE)--you were supposed to watch me, and then look at the handouts later! So, I guess I will do that thumbnail thing and print the slide show after all.

But I now remember why I like speaking in public. I get so perky when I do so. And I get to talk to people. I even talked to the nice lady who brought me a cookie last week and asked about starting a knitting group here. She said there was nothing at all wrong with it at all! I'll do it on lunch hours! She'd even put up signs for me. Now I am feeling a little more connected. Whew, that has taken quite a while.

Otherwise, both Lee and I have been really tired all week, and he is having a rough time at work, so I am feeling for him. I am hoping we can have a good weekend with just us there.

Not Much to Report

Things are slow here. Just taping the two bigger and more complex walls, emptying out more Dysfunctional Nonprofit Organization materials from the office, and watching HGTV with Tina for the past two evenings.

In good news, I have a couple more interesting things to do at work, and have had some really good meetings, so I am feeling quite positive about what I am doing. I also had a very nice lunch with the contract agency girl yesterday--it is so nice they keep in touch like that! I got Lee and me some yummy brownies from the bakery across the street from here, which was next to the lovely restaurant we ate at, Mood and Food (modern Italian and delicious).

And I broke down and bought a digital camera today, from Overstock.com, so I can take pictures for myself. It's like Jeff's, only newer and with a bigger screen. It was very reasonably priced. I will let Lee get the nicer one with fancy lenses when there is money for that. I also got Lee a special surprise that will be his Father's Day gift (so what if he has not technically fathered any children--he's been a good role model to the man he helped raise and is great to Beccano and Tuba Boy--they have lucked out in the male role model dept. and have their dad, Jeff and Lee all caring about them).

I drove Lee's car to work today, since he is using mine to fetch some furniture from his old house. Ahh, my clutch foot got a break!

Respite?

I put my tarot card of the day in here because it summarizes my hopes for right now--a bit of a break, a respite, a lull. Of course, there is Lee's court appearance tomorrow. Those are always stressful, and no matter how glad you are for it, divorces are not "fun" events. I know I didn't "make" him do it, but I know it might not have happened right now if it weren't for me. But, hey, we have had this many months of happiness, and he was so miserable before.

We did survive the big reorganization at ALE, and Lee still has a job, just a new manager and different team, I guess. Now maybe they'll hire someone? I keep dreaming. That stress being over will make a real difference for all of us, though. We both have jobs that are stable for the time being. Yay. I even have a thing to DO now at work. That helps, because yesterday I arrived at 7:30 am and no one spoke to me or emailed me until 4:45 pm. That's weird. Today I have already spoken to more than one person and the boss has sent more than one email. Woo. Plus, the arm warmers I knitted over the weekend have actually helped me deal with the cold in the office better!

All the kid drama seems to have faded, too. The Girl has disappeared, so Older Boy isn't quite as manic (though I am sure he is sad), and Beccano finished making up all his work and is back on track to make reasonable math grades this semester. Let's hope the other grades come up, too. He is having a lot of fun building a rocket in shop class and making a movie in Multimedia. Plus reading a very large book on ninja training that I got him for his birthday. It's nice to see him reading.

Hey readers! Have any of you heard of locker hooking? It is a craft I never heard of before, but I met a man whose wife does it obsessively, apparently. It looks...different.

So...I planted some new flowers in the front yard, and will share pix of that later. Until then, I will rest in peace.

Here I Am!

Did you miss me? This is the last day of my first week at the Delicious Employer (mmm). I've been so worn out at the end of the day that I haven't been able to blog about what it's like here so far, but now I have a better set-up, so I can.

Things are fine at home, except I just learned that the ex won't be able to help Older Boy go to the camp he wants to attend this summer. I don't really think *I* can do it either, but I guess I will have to try, somehow. Ex suggested I sell the lacrosse equipment. I'll have to see if the son wants to do that or not. I guess I can sell my lovely bicycle (sniff) and all my cool cycling shirts. That should get me something. And give me closet space. Other ideas appreciated. No, I will not sell my yarn stash, LOL.

The new job is OK. As usual, a bit slow to start. I didn't get a computer until yesterday, and it's a little HP portable. I also got a phone yesterday so now I am all set. I spent a lot of the week reading Training for Dummies, which actually turned out to be a pretty good book. The stuff I will be teaching at first is a bit of a snooze, but it won't kill me. And hopefully I will get to learn a lot of new software for developing computer-based training. They seem to have killed off the in-person based training here.

Coworkers are nowhere nearly as sparkling and fascinating as the old ones, but then I don't know them very well yet, so they may be hiding their sparkles. So far just a LOT of talking about golf, which has me concerned! Besides, my old coworkers were just so wonderful that they can't be replaced. So I have their photos on my desk. But it's OK. The new boss is a very calm person, a woman of few words. But she has been helpful and nice and not obtrusive. Not bad.

That would be my very large u-shaped desk. Right next to my genuine walls (two!). Cubes are as big as manager ones where we were before, as big as Lee's, and with big wide aisles. That's because there is NO ONE in this place. Reminds me of the Dysfunctional Nonprofit Organization's old offices when I worked there. Many large rooms full of unused stuff.

The best thing is knitting at lunch on the patio, though it's very breezy. You can smell these trees that are blooming in light purple (I wish I remembered what they were) and hear lots of birds. This whole place is surrounded by wildflowers and trees--very pretty and great for butterflies and views. And it was obviously very nice looking when fully staffed and occupied. I hope someone will tell me soon how to exit so I can walk the trails!

I will catch up on my words for others and summarize them over the weekend. I hope to also write about issues related to what's in the news these days.