Fall Is Passing

Milkweed
Originally uploaded by sunasak

You know, you have to capitalize "is" in title case, 'cause it's a verb.

This milkweed seed blowing off the pod reminds me that time is indeed passing. But, it's a reasonably good autumn other than the job fear.

Last night Lee and I went to Linda W's house to pull together the wedding ceremony. We ate very spicy chicken from a fast food place and planned away. We mixed two ceremonies that she had shown us, one labyrinth-themed and one vaguely pagan, plus some stuff of our own. We came up with a multi-media extravaganza featuring color, music, poetry and verse. Whatever. There will be some nice stuff, anyway. And even if it rains, we are covered, because Linda has her own portable labyrinth! We can move the whole deal indoors. Lee and I were both pleased with the outcome of the evening--we each had good input, and Linda had all the bases covered, like seating for the elderly and handicapped, how we plan to exit, etc.

It's the last football game of the season to ride the band bus, unless by some miracle the football team wins and we are in the playoffs. I will really miss the kids, and am sorry we didn't get to go on any fun long trips like we did last year. I am really fond of a lot of these young people--their passion and strength of conviction reminds me of what I could be without a lot of my crusty oldness. Whatever they believe, they really believe it and do not hesitate to say so! I love that! I do hope some of them come to the wedding. That would be nice.

I have found a few more old friends on Facebook, and that has been fun. I just love seeing what they are doing now, their current interests and such. Facebook was a good idea. It is nowhere near the scary online community some are, because it is a lot easier to control who sees your stuff.

I am working with Tuba Boy to get all his college application stuff together. We will work on those all next week. There is a LOT of stuff, but luckily a lot of the private schools use one common application. That does simplify a lot. He will be busy with essays, though! I wish I weren't so busy worrying about having money to live on, and doing wedding doo-dads--I'd have spent a lot more time on this process, and made his dad a wee bit happier. Only so many hours in the day, though.

Darn it, I had a lot of other little things I wanted to talk about. All have escaped me, though. I guess I will just go, enjoy the lovely fall coolness, and look forward to a fun trip to New Braunfels tomorrow to try on my dress, followed by a fiber festival in Boerne. That will entail much Hill Country scenery. That is never a bad thing. Texas in the fall is more subtle, yet as lovely as Texas in the spring.

More Sunday, I guess!

Muted Happy Dance

Yes, oh yes, it was a good evening last night. I got teary a couple of times, and was incredibly proud of the people in a few states, like Virginia, Florida and North Carolina. I have to say it feels weird being on the "winning" side of anything. It just doesn't happen to me often. But, I do have hope. There is a LOT to be done to get our little world back on an even keel, but at least this country will have a calm, rational and intelligent leader for once. He can't fix everything, but at least a crazed hidden agenda will be less likely to hurt things. And I am no longer embarrassed at the leader my country has selected. That is like a weight lifted off me. I can hold my head up around my friends in other countries again!

I hope the people who are upset that they lost feel better soon and can see that we are wanting to listen to them, work with them, and be a whole society. We are tired of "us vs. them," which was so much the way their candidate phrased things. I was saddened when someone I know posted on their Facebook status: "[name] is depressed that Americans have voted against capitalism, democracy, life, and the Constitution." Oh my. How in the world can people actually, seriously hold those beliefs? What Americans voted against was people who want to tell you what you can believe, what religion you must have, how you must dress (Must have that flag pin!), and whose sole agenda is profit for multinational corporations with no regard for the country's citizens. Just my opinions, and Vicki said I have a right to express them in my own blog, LOL. (Note that I do think there are rational reasons one could be for the other party, and I respect those.)

But, my happy dance is muted thanks to ALE. I have been told they are trying very hard to keep me and the other contractors in this department. But, if they can't, I'll be out of work AGAIN the week before the wedding. GREAT timing, huh. But, I will work hard and hope for the best. Some day, things WILL go right in the job department! Everything else is just fine.

It doesn't last long

Kids, this is getting old. The economy is bad so it looks like ALE may dump all the contractors, and that is according to the Big Cheese. Please, please send vibes that it isn't true and that maybe I can stick around. I hardly have words to express how awfully tired I am of looking for work. And this is just not the time for it. I keep feeling like I jinx myself by openly declaring that things might be OK for a while, like I did in here yesterday. So tired of this. Just so tired.

Improvements, of All Sorts

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Today I have too many things to blog about. We'll see how far I get!

Samhain was not the usual festival of pagan fun and frolic it usually is in our family, due to a football game's interference. But, there was an improvement: the football team managed to win--finally they found an offense worse than our defense and vice versa. Oh well, the other team's band was good. The highlight for me was that there was a feature of the drumline and percussion pit, where they all wore sunglasses. The lowlights were twofold: first, one of my little charges fell and hurt his head, which made me worry about him, and second, the cuteness of senior recognition night was marred by not seeing my own senior in the group. Sniff. At least there's one more game, and I am proud that he took a lot of responsibility in the debate tournament our school hosted.


The church grounds got an environmental improvement award today. Hella has worked very hard for the past few years, and I have showed you photos of her gardening work before on these pages. Well, today she got an award from the county native gardening society (I totally forget the actual name of the folks, but they were real nice) for her work on the grounds of our church, from the beautiful front garden to the wildflowers, to the perserved woods around the labyrinth (where the wedding will be!). We are really proud of her. The photo shows Hella, minister Kathleen and the organizational representative at the ceremony in the gardens this afternoon (below is a butterfly from the garden--it's just full of monarchs right now). We also celebrated the 90th birthday of a church member and the purchase of a tent for people in Darfour by our youth group. All of that is fine stuff!

My wedding prep is also improving. Today I met with Elizabeth, the newly minted chef who volunteered to make our wedding cake. She is taking it very seriously, with her notebook and list of recipes from the culinary academy. Unfortunately, she doesn't own the pans and stuff, so I will get them for her (she needed a graduation gift anyway, LOL). And her kitchen is cramped, so she is going to bake the cakes at our house. We'll be seeing a lot of her that weekend, since she, her boyfriend and her mom are also joining us for Thanksgiving. That leads to another improvement: that doesn't stress me out at all. I think we will all have fun, and with my sister to help me cook, it should be OK. See, what a great attitude! The cake(s) will be really nice, too, especially if I find the great cake toppers I hope to find. (I did find one, which will be a surprise, thanks to Jennifer in Florida's suggestion to check Etsy for them.)

And finally, there is home improvement. Most of our projects are finished, and we are very happy with the work the contractor and crew performed. There's a little paint on the carpet, and some stain on the inside of the door that should not be there, but otherwise it's great.

I am including a bunch of photos here for your enjoyment or snoozing, as you see fit. Here are some of the things to look for (not using bulleted lists because Blogger's photos and bullets don't interact very well on some browsers):

***The walls are a nice shade of light tan, no longer orangey. It is slightly different from what it used to be, but if you don't have a sample of the old color, you'll never know.

***We have gutters. We used to only have them in the front. They even put those nice ending things on them, so the rain won't mess up the flower beds or lawn.

***The main trim is a nice deep green, and that scary rust color is the under-trim, and what you see around the windows. I really, really like how it looks on the back of the house. it used to be extremely bland and ugly. Now it looks warm and inviting, at least to me, so don't ruin my illusion, OK? The colors almost make it look "craftsman-like" around the back door and side.

***Around the front door there is more green than there used to be, and what you can't see is that they painted the porch ceiling, way up there, the rust color. Quite a touch. And the front door is stained a much darker brown than it used to be. I am not sure if it is my ideal color, but I picked it, so it's my fault! At least it no longer looks sad and worn out.

***The garage doors are the only part of the house with a lot of the rust color. But I think it looks great. Unfortunately, part of the door broke, so they are having to replace some of the panels. There is extra paint, whew. What pleases me most about the garage is that some horrible-looking warped boards from our house's initial cheap trim are GONE. The house looks great from a distance, or will when the construction debris is gone and the motorcycle no longer decorates the lawn. I hope we can get it in the garage one day!

***Then there is the new patio! I am so happy to use the bricks left over from building the house for something other than my endless poorly constructed flower-bed edgings. The guys still are going to stain the concrete and edge the Texas paver in the rust color. Everyone thinks it is oh-so-cleverly U of Texas, but well, I am not too fond of that place right now, so I am hoping it adds to resale value!

It's hard to describe how good I feel about these repairs and improvements. I was really worried for a few years that I would not be able to keep the house up without the help of the big salary of my ex. What I have made has let me cover utilities and the mortgage, but not left a lot of savings for these kinds of things--those of you who have read for a long time know that every time I have saved a bit, something big has broken--like an air conditioning unit or a roof. I really appreciate that Lee is welling to join with me and get this stuff done! I feel like, even in these hard times, we can make it. We are a team! And I am not going to lose the house, at least for a while!

Another improvement is my self improvement. I have actually enjoyed the last few days of presidential campaigning. McCain was funny on Saturday Night Live, and I have been so happy to see some of the folks coming out for Obama...it is moving. I just hope all our votes count.

I've been reading my book on highly sensitive people and work. I figured out why I stopped reading it before--it was hitting the nail on the head about my March-May job a little too precisely. No wonder I was miserable. Sometimes it helps me to remind myself about how my personality works. Not that it's bad; it's just different from the majority. Other people's personalities and attitudes affect me more than some people. And doing meaningless work where you don't feel like you are contributing just doesn't work for me, at all. I am going to try to figure out how to do what is best for me--which seems to be a rather more independent set-up than I've had since I left the Dysfunctional Nonprofit Organization. But for now, I have found a nice spot in ALE where I do feel like I am making a contribution and am doing one of my favorite things. This is enabling me to recover a bit. The book says that a really bad job can make an HSP get post-traumatic stress syndrome. I don't know about that--it seems a bit much, but, I do relish the chance to rest and recuperate, on my way to the next adventure!

Well, it is late, and I know I have forgotten some things. Oh, here's a plug for Guitar Girl's guitaring. Go see how well she did in a windy outdoor location last week!

What Humans Want

On Huffington Post I saw a little piece by Dennis Whittle, where pointed to work by game theorist Jane McGonigal. He said:

"She pointed out (and I agree) that the following was particularly compelling:

What humans crave:

1. Satisfying work to do.
2. The experience of being good at something.
3. Time spent with people we like.
4. The chance to be a part of something bigger."

Yes, I say to all these. Since I left the nonprofit job, I often felt like I was not a part of something bigger. But, I have found other ways to volunteer and help out, so I am feeling much more connected these days. I am glad I have knitting, where I help others and get to be good at something, and school volunteering, which helps me see myself as part of the bigger world.

My work is more satisfying than it was for 2007 and early 2008, so that part is better as well.

And I certainly get to spend time with some great people! My wonderful Lee, my dear kids (especially Tuba Boy who texted kind things to me yesterday), and all those friends who are helping make this such a fun time.

Another thing this human wanted was for Flickr to work again the way it used to. I guess they finished whatever they were doing to the servers, and I can see images on my blog and Ravelry again. Woo! To celebrate, I share today's photo, which is one Lee took of our hanging rose plant.

In home improvement news, the inside of the house was painted yesterday, and the front door sanded. The patio in front looks awesome, and just needs its final grouting. I cannot wait to see things in the daylight after the clean-up is finished! Then, sigh, hours of rearranging stuff that we had to move is to come. Oh well, it is a small price to pay.

Fun Things!

I am getting into the wedding spirit, I think. Either that or my “love language” is gifts, because I was really touched to get a wedding gift in the mail yesterday, and happy as a little kid. Remember a few weeks ago when I went to the fancy shopping center to get undergarments and I drooled over a purse at the Brighton store? Well, a blog reader saw that and found the purse and sent it to me. See how cute it is? (By the way, it is a large coin purse, not some giant thing, which you can't tell by the picture.) And its name is Roselie (hey that’s a mixture of my dog’s and my man’s names). I wrote the sender a rather ecstatic thank-you note. Then, after I calmed down and took Beccano to his guitar lessons, I looked inside the purse. There was more! She had inserted a (safely preserved) four-leaf clover from her own property and a really cool English copper penny, which I guess I could put in my shoe, but it would probably make me hobble down the labyrinth.

Anyway, I am just tickled pink (or rose) to have my red rose purse. It is so NOT something I’d get myself, and since we are asking for practical home-improvement wedding gifts (registering at Home Depot should give people a clue) or being perfectly happy with nothing at all (your presence is my present, I say!), I really don’t expect a lot off foo-foo personal gifts. This one was plenty! I have had a smile on my face for 24 hours, even with all the other stressors going on.

I am going to try to concentrate on all the fun stuff in the next few weeks. Please remind me of that if I start stressing out. I am already messing up my knitting, which is a bad sign for Suna!

And I am being ambiguous! I posted on Facebook that I was packing up my office today. Well, I knew what I meant, but I panicked a bunch of friends. No, I wasn’t fired again (please, not that!). We are just moving to the other end of the building, in what looks to be a nice, quiet, sunny locale. I will try to be more straightforward in what I say in those cryptic little status notes! My office does look pretty sad, though. One good thing is that my plants are still out, since I will be moving them myself, along with the vitally important candy dish Big Bowl of Self Esteem!

It’s weird to have to move on Friday, because that’s the day of the big Halloween event at work. We will all be in costume at our desks full o’ boxes. There will be chili to judge and dessert to eat. I am making cornbread, since contractors can’t participate in the chili contest. Sigh. I hope I have time, since I also have to work on Tuba Boy’s debate tournament stuff. Tomorrow will be busy. As will Friday. I got the band kids some stuff (shh, don’t tell, Parker) but I hope to get more. At least having to be at the football game MAY break Beccano of the habit of wanting to trick-or-treat with his very tall pals like they did last year.

Well, I gots to go buy stain for the front door, the last project of the home improvement festival. I hope to see a beautiful front patio when I get home today!

Adventures with Chocolate Skittles

Or: not much exciting to blog about today.

After the excitement of the house turning into a pumpkin, everything seems dull by comparison. The good news is the house is now mainly tan again, though the garage doors are the festive rusty pumpkin color. We will show you photos when it's all done.

The dogs are not happy with us because they have been trapped in the house all day for a few days now, thanks to long band events Friday, Saturday and Monday--meaning way too much cooped up time. They showed this by finding a box of gel pens and chewing them to pieces. And pooping festively, perhaps in an attempt to hide the ink damage. No, they can't think that cunningly. Non cunning canines. The dining room carpet cannot be saved. So, we hope for lots of Home Depot gift cards in our near future, to purchase flooring. I need to get Rose some things to chew on.

Last night's excitement was Festival of Bands, which would have been more festive if it hadn't been freaking cold. For Texas. I got the shivers, just like last year. Besides, I had seen each high school's marching show more than once already. But, I had fun sitting with my knitting buddies Deana and Pilar, and seeing how long I could knit before my hands froze. We each rooted for our own school, plus Westwood, where I also know some kids. That means we had all the high schools covered!

Anyhow, today's work excitement has been new candy for my Big Bowl of Self Esteem, which always has some sort of treat in it, either contributed by me or a coworker. I had to buy a lot of salsa for Tuba Boy's debate tournament, and went to the store at lunch to get it. While there, I noticed the ample displays of not-very-cheap Halloween candy, the kind I usually don't get, since I wait until after Halloween to get whatever is left over on discount. There I saw my beloved almond Snickers. And the Twix that the Big Boss likes. And…chocolate Skittles. What a concept. Well, I could not resist. The reaction at work was definitely mixed…

The first person who saw them was appalled. Skittles can't be chocolate. "That kind of defeats the purpose of Skittles, doesn't it?" I had to agree. That guy just took all the left over Pay Day bars that another guy had brought yesterday. Next, the woman across from me (soon to be next to me, 'cause we move on Friday) just had to try them. She went over to her desk, and a half hour later came back to report on which flavors she liked best (chocolate pudding and vanilla). By the way, vanilla is not a flavor of chocolate, last I heard, folks at Skittles HQ. She had carefully sorted her little bag by color and taste tested them. Along came Daredevil (the guy with the giant racing motorcycle, fanciest road bike I ever saw, BMW M5, etc.). He just had to try. Two minutes later he comes up, chewing hard. "Hey, I thought these were going to be chocolate, but they're chewy!" he mumbled. Yes, in his daredevil fashion, he had put them all in his mouth, assuming they'd melt, like M and Ms. He looked like a baseball player with his wad of chew. We had a good laugh over the male vs. female candy sampling styles.

I actually haven't tried the Chocolate Skittles yet. I ate sushi for lunch and bought some delicious cookies (which I will take home for the family, never fear) so I was rather full. I saved one bag for me, in case someone takes them all after I go home!

Word Fun

Just a quick note:

I read a blog called the Double Tongued Word Wrester, or its RSS feed, anyway. It finds new word coinages and talks about them (this is what people with advanced degrees in linguistics find interesting, you see). I like a word they recently found:

Catchword: malus

Filed Under: English, Germany, Money & Finance, New or Nonce

Part of Speech: n.

Quotation: A report by Frankfurt-based Center for Financial Studies has coined a new word—malus. Malus is Latin for “bad” while bonus means “good.” It says if executives can win bonuses for a superior performance, they also need to be exposed to penalties such as salary cuts for presiding over failures, which can have ramifications for financial stability.

Here's the link to the original.

I have been unhappy with how Big Businesses do business for many years. I am not thrilled that we regular folks get to help them out after they screwed up. I am really not happy with how many "maluses" have been passed out.

I do hope my house is no longer a pumpkin after I get home from the most festive Festival of Bands this evening, but of course, once more, I will not have been home in daylight to see it. Band season is almost over, though. I will try to not cry tonight. And I sure will miss the bus and all its drama.

Voting update: Williamson County is up to almost 15% of its population already voting, as of last Thursday. I hope lots voted Friday and Saturday!

House of Scariness

House Before
Originally uploaded by sunasak

Here, at last is a photo of why we are having home repairs done. Look at that trim. Not good. Well, it was moving right along, but yesterday I returned to an early Halloween scare. Due to some miscommunication, the workers had painted the entire back and sides of the house in what was supposed to be the subtle second trim color, a rusty brick color.

The back of the house looks like one big pumpkin. A real Halloween scare. We have things cleared up now, and the siding will be tan again, with green main trim and the rust color secondary trim. Oh whew. I will be putting up a photo of the incredible orangeness of the house later this evening, so come back if you read this without the additional photos.

Things have just been a bit wonky these days, but at least there are also highlights.

Bad: The general contractor's sister's house burned down last week.
Good: We just have an orange house. It's still all there.

Bad: I missed Tuba Boy's counseling appointment about going to college.
Good: His senior pictures came in. Lots. Need one? Let me know!

Bad: The band did not make the finals at the Area UIL contest.
Good: They still did a GREAT job, and we had a nice Chinese dinner, along with Guitar Girl, afterwards. The spirited conversation and how much we confused the waiter raised all our spirits. Plus we came up with a great new nickname for Guitar Girl. One that goes over well with some, not others.

Bad: I won't get to do my volunteering at the party HQ Monday evening.
Good: That is because I had written the date of Festival of Bands wrong, so we will be seeing the marching one more time tomorrow. And Deana will come, too! I hope I don't cry again. I cried at the contest yesterday because it was Tuba Boy's last.

Bad: We can't write our wedding service this week, and Tuba Boy won't be there for senior night with the band (last home game).
Good: That's because he has to be responsible for lots of stuff at the debate tournament our school is hosting, and because I am going to help prepare food for it Thursday night.

Bad: Next week is so, so busy.
Good: I got lots of wedding stuff done this week, so that load is less, plus my dad booked his flight and will arrive Thanksgiving morning, plus my friend Janet in Arkansas is going to join us for Thanksgiving! I am really happy to have family and friends for that holiday, not having to eat at a cafeteria.

Bad: We still don't have the wedding service planned and the songbook to the main song I want seems to have gone walkabout.
Good: All the attendants seem to have found their outfits. Each has something with vaguely the correct color. And Bill thinks he can figure the song out.

Well, that should do for now. I will add to this lovely post a picture of how crazy Lee and I are feeling right now!

College Memories

Someone posted this meme on her blog a while back and I saw it on the Huffington Post. But, feeling nostalgic, as I often do when facing yet another exciting financial challenge (which will open new doors! help me learn new things! present a GREAT opportunity! and other positive mantras), I thought I'd take a whack at this one. And to entertain you, here's a nice photo of Lee.

For background, I was at the University of Florida in my hometown, Gainesville, for four years, then the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign for 7 years until I could take it no more! This is about my time at the 4-year college. Go Gators, though I never watched you play football while I went there.

* What insecurities did you take with you to college? Are you still carrying them or have you set intentions and taken steps to let them go?

I took a huge insecurity about my looks and a worse one that I was not worthy of love. I think I sought out affection so hard during those years that I made some bad decisions. It has taken a long time to get over feeling I was so ugly and unworthy of love that I'd take anyone who looked at me sideways for a partner. Finally I think I have done the right thing and chosen someone because I deserve such a nice, compatible person.

* What expectations did you have going into college and how did they or are they impacting your decisions? Are there any expectations you are still clinging to that are getting in the way of what you want?

I expected that I would finish high school, graduate college in four years, get a Master's in two, and a PhD in two after that. Then I would be a brilliant linguistics professor. Everything went great until after the Master's degree, when I fought hard over the fact that the topics I was stuck on were really not interesting to me, and the politics of academia were more the focus than what I liked, which was teaching young adults. I now still feel bad that I didn't do what I set out to do and never really replaced that career ambition with another one that would get me on the road to financial security and intellectual fulfillment. Having the kids (which I do not regret) sent me on a big old detour into web design and parenting support, which seems to have made me someone no one wants to hire. I am pretty sure I'd be in a different place if I'd managed to keep working, building up to a good position in technical writing/management. But, the kids would have suffered, and they are what is most important anyway. So, some ambivalence here.

* Who were you in college? Did you like who you were and how much of that identity do you carry with you?

I did like who I was in college. I enjoyed the classes so much, really had fun meeting people like me (I was in a small "honors college" kind of thing for the mandatory classes, which means all smart kids and real professors). I really loved learning Japanese and linguistics. I loved hanging around with my boyfriend and our friends. I was a fun person who did all the work and still had time for a little social life. I think I was OK then, other than a few misdeeds.

* What were some of your favorite things about college? What did you least enjoy?

I loved those honors classes, my linguistics classes, the town I lived in and my wonderful friends, which were a mix of smart kids and the gay subculture (thanks to boyfriend's late roommate, the wonderful Bobby).

I liked least the snobby fraternity and sorority people and the focus on football and all the privileges the players got, while us smart kids got very little. I didn't like my grandmother guilting me in to visiting, and my mother being sick.


* If you could tell your college self anything knowing what you know now, what would it be?

You really were not fat. And Corey was the best boyfriend ever. You screwed up.


* If you could go back, would you add another major/minor? If so, what and why? Can you take classes in those fields at the local community college now?

I loved linguistics. I'd like to go back and get a degree in biology of some kind, or neurology (brains). I was so good at science, but didn't think I could do it because I was not good at math.


* What valuable lessons were missing from your college curriculum that you are responsible for teaching yourself?

Budgeting, bill paying, business crap. Fiber arts. I wish I could have taken classes in knitting. I really did study everything I was interested in.

* If there was one person from college that you could reconnect with, who would it be? What's stopping you from reaching out?

Dr. Shenkman. Social studies teacher who really cared about kids. I hope I can be the kind of friend to young people that he was to us in college. Every young adult needs a trustworthy adult to talk to as you navigate all that confusing adult "stuff," all those weird urges you get, and all the challenges that come up. Doc was great for us.

* Imagine yourself at your next big college reunion - what do you want to be telling people about yourself?

I did some good work for a nonprofit organization, I love teaching people to knit and making music. I have learned a lot about people and more about myself. I hope I never stop learning!


* College is often about enriching one's self and meeting other people. What are you doing now to expand your circle? How are you exploring new things?

I meet a lot of new people by teaching knitting. That has been a wonderful way to reach out to all kinds of people. I am also really enjoying the people I meet at the kids' school, both parents and students--I have finally found some parents willing to hang out with someone as nontraditional as me. I get a lot of enrichment by going to the local UU church, too. I hear many new ideas and meet some very weird, funny, interesting and unique folks there. I don't think I will grow old from lack of learning and exploring!