There's More to Life Than Knitting!

Join Suna as she stops knitting long enough to ponder her life, share her joys and concerns, and comment on the goings on in the world.
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Monday, January 8, 2007

Cuteness and My Passive Aggressive Tendencies

Obviously the cuteness in this post title refers to this little being. It's Rose the Puppy, sitting in the winter sun. I took some pictures of her so we could remember her when she was "small" (she already weighs 22 pounds).

I really enjoy Lee's puppy and his other dog, too (very big, but docile fellow). It will take some getting used to being around big dogs!

I am so glad last weekend is over. Just a lot of stressful stuff, mixed in with fun stuff, the funeral (a lovely one), blah blah, but mainly a lot of stuff. So I am just plain tired and staying home tonight. I am trying to enjoy myself, but mainly am fascinated as I watch RM trying to befriend Lee. They have chatted about musical instruments, jobs, their lack of football genes...I guess I was hoping Lee'd rub RM the wrong way so that he'd be more encouraged to "move on" in a nice, subtle way. But, no, we are one Peaceful Family Commune here. At least the kids feel secure. Sigh.

On the other side, Lee had to go visit the STBX and give her the copies of those papers. It was a bit weird. I went with him, just in case it all went afoul, and had hoped to just sit and wait, but of course she saw me and that didn't go over well. After the ordeal of having to go sit in a pretty spot and listen to her tell him what he did wrong some more, she then insisted on talking to me because she wanted to "respond" to the email I wrote telling her to leave me alone. I didn't really want to do that, because I sure do hate confrontation, but I realized if I didn't do it, there would just be more issues with that. So, I gripped a sharp pen in my hand in case she went off on me (I don't trust angry people), and sat there and watched her talk to me. I didn't really understand what she was talking about, other than "Lee is not trustworthy," but I got through it and she turned and left, so I didn't have to respond. That let her feel like she had the last word (the lesson I learned SO well on Dysfunctional Nonprofit Organization email lists) and like she had control. Good. I don't need any of that. But I am afraid I will have nightmares of her looking down at me, shaking and with so much hatred in her eyes. Oh well, I am sure many would think I "deserve" it. I had something to do with her life changing, and I know that is not pleasant.

Some of the stuff Lee has told me she said has brought out some of my less pleasant features. He says she thinks my old blog "proves" we had a relationship as early as last summer. That is bullshit. I have looked through the entire thing and can identify precisely the day in which I realized that my feelings really were more than friend ones. And I can identify exactly when we talked about potentially being more than friend. And that was in November. Within days of when he talked to her about wanting out, and I told RM about me and Lee. It was SO important to me to NOT have this relationship start out sneaky or by lying. So, I decided to go back through the old blog and annotate it for the implication-impaired. Any time I talk about me or Lee, I am explaining what happened and what I was thinking at the time. She said she was desperately wanting a "chronology." So I will give her one.

If that is passive aggressive, well so be it. I will feel better making things very very clear. Bad Suna.

1 comment:

Barbara said...

hugs to you. It sounds like you handled the STBX very well, I'm not so sure I could have been as level-headed. Keep your eyes on the end of the tunnel - it's coming.