The Theme of This Blog

There's no Friday's Feast this week, which is good, because on Friday I was not really up to blathering about random cute things about myself. I wasn't feeling very cute. Mostly I was feeling pissed off, defeated, and relieved, all at once.

Because yes, I did discover the theme of this blog. It is "Suna's Job Ends and She Has to Go Find Another One." For the FOURTH time since May 2006, I am job-free. Yep, all that hard work, extra friendliness, redoubled effort and honest helping of others was not enough. I just don't "fit in with the team." Well, that's for damned sure. Other than one notable exception, that was the most cliquish, unfriendly and aloof bunch of humans I ever ran into. I didn't stand a chance, but I did valiantly send out friendly, approachable and kind vibes and pour all the energy I had into doing good work. And they acknowledged that my work was good, though they didn't like how I answered the phone. Well, the way I answered the phone made the people on the other end happy, and fit with all the skills I wrote up at Dell and was taught as the nonprofit organization. I'm not the problem.

Y'all know that generally I'll accept blame for anything rather than blame anyone else, and that I beat myself up to a fault. This time, nope. I am glad to get out of that extremely toxic environment and have a chance to start again. I already have some good recommendations, thanks to church friends (one of whom, Jim, kindly rode the bus home with me and was incredibly supportive--really got me through that last bus ride home) and I even know of some contracts coming open.

We will be OK, even though the fact that Lee's contract ends in a few weeks is a bit scary. We are more prepared this time. I just regret losing my insurance before I even got to use it, and wish I hadn't bought a new Blackberry Pearl phone this week. Sigh. It's so funny, I had a GREAT week at work last week. I was really feeling like I was getting the hang of things, people were being a bit nicer, and I was cheerful without forcing myself to act that way. I am beginning to learn to treasure moments of happiness. They are fleeting.

I hate to ask for job search vibes AGAIN, but it looks like I need to. Great timing, right in the middle of the gigantic gas price surge and the Republicans' nice new recession.