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Thursday, August 21, 2008

Who Would YOU Slug?


Suna and DH
Originally uploaded by sunasak
Today's photo is of me looking really sweet, posing in a scenic spot with my friend as we motored on home. What is that sweet, pacifist, Unitarian Universalist woman in the picture thinking about right now?

Who Would You Slug?

Yes. The Question of the Day on the List of the Day blog is that. It asks people who they would slug if given the chance. I found it interesting that the majority of people listed some famous person who they probably do not know. As disgusting as I find some folks (Cheney, those screaming conservative know-it-alls on Fox News, tthat horrid guy who rigged the election in Zimbabwe, etc.) I don't think I'd get any satisfaction from physically assaulting them. I don't know them.

What surprises me is that, at least in my imagination, I think it would be real cathartic to slug a couple of people I DO know. This comes up because someone on an email list made a comment about how well I came through the past few years, considering some of the ways I was treated (not to mention how some of my friends were treated--as a "highly sensitive person" I find that seeing friends mistreated can get me at least as upset as being mistreated myself, maybe more).

When I read that, I was glad for the complement (thank you, JLM), but also realized I still have a big ole sore spot that is healing much more slowly than I'd like. And I know a lot of it is a lack of closure. Not getting to say what I would have liked to say to a couple of people leaves me an "unfinished" feeling that gnaws at me when I can't fill my mind with work, music or knitting.

Maybe writing it all out would help. I could put it in my OneNote files that only I can read! Yeah, that would help, probably would help a lot with all the things I held in and did not say at that previous job, for example. But, with the things from the Dysfunctional Nonprofit Organization, writing would not be enough. There are a few people I think I'd really like to punch. Slug. Take a whack at.

So, I guess it's a good thing that "Guy I Used to Work with in 2005" and "His Best Friend the Super Consultant with an Agenda" are generally far, far away from me. Because that first person used my talents and good will, then lied to me and went behind my back to destroy my career when I didn't say "yes, yes, yes" to his poorly thought-out plans. I was honest with him and he did not return the honesty. Creepy, really creepy. And his best friend has lied about people I know well and respect, plus other stuff I will not type so it won't get reported back. But, I know it, others know it, and he knows it. Then there is the woman I mentored, supported and defended to others who turned around and betrayed me and my former team in a bid for power in a very small world, plus saying untrue things about former colleagues. Her painfully unkind actions (and her covert sources of information) are what currently get me irrationally upset. If I were a typical yee-haw American kinda gal, I'd probably really want to slug those guys and gals.

But, darn it, I am a new-agey "everyone has worth and dignity" kinda gal instead. I just will have to take the long view and firmly believe their karma will eventually bite them in the butt, and that will hurt more than a punch from a woman with a marginally functioning right shoulder would have, anyway. Sigh, besides, once I care about someone, I can't stop caring--which I guess is why the betrayal still hurts. I need "stop caring" lessons.

Who Wouldn't I Slug?

Musing on this topic has done me some good. It helps me see I have grown a lot. I no longer feel the urge to slug that woman who ruined my relationships with many church members and helped turn me away from volunteering in that kind of venue ever again. I don't have a strong need so slug Lee's former spouse like I did when she was lying about me a couple of years ago. I have finally let go of the neighbor who decided she didn't like me and then said something (I do not know what) to all the other neighbors so that they never talked to me any more, either. I have managed to file all of them in the "they are the ones with the problem" file, and now am simply glad they have moved out of my sphere.

And Why Did I Ever Want to Slug?

Looking back on my little list of candidates, I see a theme. I think every single one of them has incurred my wrath for one reason. They lied to others. Either about me or about someone I care about. I just can't tolerate that, apparently. And if I find myself lying, that is what I am hardest on myself about, so at least I am internally consistent (note that there are a lot of things I am hard on myself about, as you probably know). I find it very hard to forgive a blatant liar. I guess I will have to give some thought as to why that is such a big deal for me.

So, two things in conclusion:

1. I'll be eternally loyal to you as long as you don't spread lies about me or my friends.
2. I want to know who you would slug!

4 comments:

Lee said...

Your line about “that ‘Guy I Used to Work with in 2005’ and “His Best Friend the Super Consultant with an Agenda’” brings to mind an episode from a 1970s sitcom—you know, the one with Valerie Bertinelli. VB’ has just found out she has been screwed over by a boss. “You know that thing where a man puts his hands on a woman’s shoulder but really he’s thinking lower?” she asks. When he nods and smiles, she kicks him in shin. “I’m thinking higher!”

But really, I can’t think of anyone whom I would really like to slug right now. Like you, I could name dozens that will get their come-uppance somehow, but none that it would give me personal pleasure to slug first-hand.

Sylvia said...

I can think of one person who deserves to be slugged, but I couldn't do it. And you know who she is! She has turned Nancy's sister into a nearly catatonic teenager...

Suna said...

Sigh, I guess she never did improve. Sorry to hear it. Glad Nancy is OK.

dmaree58 said...

Hey,

I too am making piece with those who truly deserve to be slugged (you know who). Know that you are loved.

DH

PS When I say my picture I thought whoa!