Sunday, May 21, 2006
I am doing a lot of deciding in my life. I am so happy I am learning to decide to let go of things that are bringing me more pain than joy (the church decision), even though it STILL is not an easy decision--I do miss some people and activities, like choir. Right now I am working on deciding whether to go to my 30th high school reunion or not. Last year I was feeling successful and confident, while working on the interesting work project, getting to travel a lot, and learning so many new things. This year I am in such limbo in so many ways...not feeling terribly "successful" but happy I am coping well and making the best out of whatever situations come up. I just don't know what I'll be doing and how I'll be financially in four months! I was one of the "successful" ones in high school--not in the "in" crowd, but popular in my own group of music (chorus and band) friends and the "smart kids." I left high school with a great boyfriend, and the expectation that both of us were off to get PhDs and become brilliant college professors. Well, the boyfriend did just that (and I am so proud of him), while I wandered away from academia making "interesting" decision after interesting decision. And honestly, since my marriage broke up and I have been struggling so hard to raise the kids in a stable setting, I have not felt terribly successful. I feel like it would be a real let down to show up and say, "Hi, I walked away from professor stuff, did some weird editing jobs, married and had kids and stayed at home, then worked as a webmaster for a nonprofit organization that could not pay well and got stranger and stranger until...I have no idea what happened."
On the OTHER hand, what the heck. Probably everyone in high school has had ups and downs in the past 30 years, and some have done well and some haven't. At least I am still alive and kicking, and so many from my class aren't (including my close friend from when the boyfriend, this guy and I were a trio of pals--and I don't even know what happened to him!). I didn't keep up much with high school friends, since I moved far away and felt bad about breaking up with the boyfriend and all...so who knows if they'd even remember me! I tried to contact a couple people a few years ago, but got terse responses or none at all. But, it would be nice to see Florida again, even south Florida, not my favorite part. So, I actually think the good outweighs the bad, especially since I am gradually feeling better about myself and trying to do positive stuff...
And I have had some fun. Two of the yarn store women let me go out to dinner and to the exciting Cool River bar last night, where I had a very expensive green drink. It was fun to hang out with women, though there was no exciting man "action" (nor did I expect any). We were ages 28, 38, and 48, so I was the old lady of the group. I don't FEEL old or like I shouldn't be going out and having fun, though! And we were carded. How fun.
OK, as you can see there is an obligatory knitting picture. Yet another washcloth. I knitted a very plain and delicate one for a wedding gift (going to make another one for the other half of the couple), and then just HAD to finish this extra bright one for my own use, with really nice, thick cotton from "the other yarn store" in town. Now I am going to go finish that other patriotic sock. Thanks for reading.
I think I'm going to avoid the expensive green drink in the future, just not worth it. That was a good time on Saturday! No hangovers in sight.
Sunday, May 21, 2006 8:14:00 PM