This is an official whine about the Dear Partner, who has many redeeming qualities beneath a very large and quite crusty exterior. He has been really kind to me while I have been feeling icky, and I do appreciate all that, the lovely meals and the help with toting and fetching kids. I also would like to note that I realize that I, too, repeat destructive patterns on occasion and have had to work on that quite a bit in my day.
STILL. He got fired by what must be at least the sixth band since I have been with him, 3.5 years (also including people he used to, but no longer does, act as a sideman for). And I do believe it happened many times before I showed up. Plus the people who didn't get irritated, just stopped asking.
Every time, things are OK until he doesn't get his way. Until someone else has a standard that is not his. Or does things differently than he would do. When this happens, he will get huffy on stage. Or he will have a tense discussion after the gig. Then, he will get it into his head that is is an excellent idea to send an email enumerating his issues. He always tells me it is a "nice" email. I now know that, once I hear, "I sent them an email," that the next thing I will hear is, "I am no longer with the band." I am then expected to listen to him inform me of what morons those other people are for having x or y belief, for not engaging in practice p or q, or for driving too slowly (really, this is one of the things that killed a lucrative partnership). I know I have to bite my tongue, not mention that perhaps the other people have a point or a perspective, or that compromise is a possibility, even in music...
And I do want to be a supportive partner, but hell, every time he finds something that will actually bring in some vitally needed extra income, he finds a fatal flaw, sends off a flaming email (of course, to his credit, he does his best to tone things down--he simply comes across as harsh), and that's that. He's used to it by now. I'm not really fond of it.
I am the one who loses friends/acquaintances (I miss Danny!) and work (this bunch of people had hired me to do their website and paid a good fee--I had hoped to do that a while). And none of them will talk to ME either, other than a brief hello. I don't even get to say goodbye, it was nice to know you or anything! I just never see or hear from people again--I only knew them through him, ya see.
So, in summary: I am tired of this particular thing repeating. I wish he could find SOMETHING he could do that earned money that involved no one other than himself and that he'd just do that.
OK, end of vent. And it's just a vent. Thank you for reading. Cheri, I know what you would say, so don't say it. (insert smiley)
I have more to do at work, so that is helping a lot. Getting ready to get all geared up for band and other child activities. Whee.
Postscript in April 2007: So, though I didn't mention issues with Jeff a lot back then, I did occasionally burst forth, so maybe you can see why he had to be replaced with someone more compatible?
Comments
Deb said...
Sorry you are going though this. I think it is a man thing. I know quite a few people that are this way and they are all male. Hope he finds a job soon. Going to miss you this week end.
Wednesday, July 19, 2006 6:00:00 PM
sandy said...
I don't have any advice, just glad you have a place and people to vent to. I will send vibes for peace and negotiation skills for your partner so you can feel some peace in your life.
Wednesday, July 19, 2006 7:34:00 PM
DianeS said...
I think you handle this sort of thing very well. I'm afraid I would be tempted to become temporarily insane and slam a frying pan on his head or something. (There's a reason I'm not known for my patience.)
Wednesday, July 19, 2006 10:17:00 PM
Cheri said...
You have had a tough couple of weeks. It has to get better, right? (I didn't say it ;))
Thursday, July 20, 2006 10:05:00 AM
Suna said...
Thanks, y'all, I agree I handled it pretty well. I am declaring tomorrow starts "better luck week." If you check today's post you will see it ain't better just yet. No I do not blame Cheri.
Thursday, July 20, 2006 11:46:00 AM
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