Making a Home

The last few days have been really nice, other than some physical ailments cropping up (I went home with a bad headache yesterday, and Lee has some really awful nose-running disease that made him fall asleep really early last night and do nothing but hold onto tissues while awake--really sexy, hee hee hee). But otherwise life has been very domestic and pleasant.

My house feels more and more like my home now. Lee and I have done a lot of work trimming back bushes, getting rid of evil sticky dewberry vines (see photo) and pulling down the Virginia creeper off the front of the house. It looks like civilized people live there. And yesterday we got a really good start on the back yard, aided by the Younger Boy and only slightly impeded by the Dog Pack. A great deal of sawing of oak limbs occurred, and I have been mighty impressed with the results. We can almost use the space again! The Younger Boy was thrilled to get entrusted to use the electric Saws-All thingie on a branch. Very manly, even if he didn't get very far with it (still learning). I mainly trimmed smaller branches, thinned out the woodland glen area and weeded MORE prickly dewberry vines. I cannot believe the web page says these are "delicious" berries either--mine are sour and nasty, when I allow them to live. Note, if you click the link above that it says, "Not suitable for gardens." And I don't believe they are blackberries. They are not the delicious ones we had in Gainesville. Hmph. In any case, they are sure persistent. As are the Virginia creepers. Why would anyone plant those things on purpose???

Anyway, it's feeling homey, and it is nice to make plans to fix things up more. I just wish I could buy mulch, grass seed, flowers, and fertilizer. That would really help. Wish that job lady would call...

What a Guy

I put a picture of Lee on here, so you can see he isn't as scary as his profile picture makes him out to be, and also because I want to say how happy I am with him these days.

We are having a good time, even with all the challenges we are dealing with (money woes, divorce, work irritations and such). He is still treating me like the most precious object in the world, respecting me, and being patient with me (even when I got peeved at him yesterday--ooh, the first time).

I am so relieved to have a partner who will help me around the house. My back door looks so nice now, all trimmed up and ready to paint. And he did a bunch of work on the lawn and garden today. It is not embarrassing to be seen outside my house any more. All the overgrown bushes have been trimmed, lots of things ready to grow back up, and things just neatened up nicely. I have been inspired to put some plants out, even fresh new fake ones on the porch (too dim there to really grow things). I am happy with these changes, and know I am doing OK if I feel like cooking, cleaning and neatening things up inside the house.

We've been enjoying the seasons changing. It is warmer, and birds are migrating. A couple of days ago we pulled into the driveway and I said, "I hear a different bird." And sure enough, I turned to see the neighbor's two trees completely filled with cedar waxwings. I only see them once or twice a year! They were doing their sweet whistling. Then, last night, I woke up in the middle of the night and discovered Lee was awake as well. We both heard geese flying overhead. And the windows were closed! That was cool!

So, I had a good day. I got to see Katy at the knitting store, and met Tina's precious new dog. What a cutie. I am a bit worried about Jody, who couldn't come due to an unforeseen emergency, but hope to see her soon. Tomorrow my sister comes for dinner, so I will have quite the social weekend. Jeff also comes back tomorrow. His mom is having health issues, and I am worried about her, too. All weekend the kids have had friends around, and that is fun. The older boy is SO good at picking nice friends. That pleases me.

Holding Pattern

I seem to be in a holding pattern, waiting for something to happen. No wonder I drew the 4 of Cups today for tarot. Just sitting there, evaluating possibilities, waiting.

I did finish my shrug-like object out of the interesting Schaefer Elaine yarn. It's all bumpy and smooth and twisty. I liked knitting with it. It is the color of pansies and has a nice button on it, too, like the one I made last week (it is a variant of the same pattern, only I added sleeves and a ribbed border). I like those buttons from the yarn store. That is me and rose, with me in the outfit. I'll put more views of the shruggie thing on the Flikr pages, so check there for more.

Another knitting thing I am doing is making tests for knitting Jim in choir a belt. I think I know what yarn I am going to use--doubled thin cotton in a seed stitch. The thicker cotton was OK, but stretched a bit more. And I got some hemp thread, but whoa, that stuff is hard to knit with. Guess I will macrame something out of it. Even though I should be spending nothing, I got a 40% flower arrangement to put in the dining room and cheer the place up. I needed it.

Yesterday was long and tedious--really fed up with the work project, and then I had a lot of knitting help to do and a lot of singing in choir. We are singing that song about the "architrave" or something like that, again. I seem to be the only one who memorized it last time. ZZZ. But in the evening, Lee and I sang nice songs I had downloaded tabs for, and that cheered me up. I enjoyed singing "Boulder to Birmingham." Sigh, I had hoped when I got together with Jeff that he and I would sit around and just play at singing, but to him it is work, and I am not worthy. Lee at least doesn't look down on me and will do music just for fun. Music should be fun.

Tarot Quiz and Other

First, the Tarot Quiz. I also put this on the Tarot blog, but since no one reads it but me and Lee any more, I am also copying here:

Patricia the Knitting Teacher (form the yarn shoppe) sent me this link to a tarot quiz she had taken. She was the Empress, mostly. I knew it would be fun, fun for everyone so I got it and took it myself. Here are my results:

You scored as II - The High Priestess. The High Priestess is a card of intuition, instinct and hidden knowledge. She knows all your secrets, you can hide nothing from her. Yet you will never know the secrets she herself protects.If well aspected in a Tarot spread, this card can indicate the use of intuition to solve problems; trust to your instincts. If badly aspected, it can mean suppression and ignoring of such instincts - following your head at the expense of your heart. II - The High Priestess 100% III - The Empress 94% XIII: Death 94% VI: The Lovers 81% IV - The Emperor 81% XI: Justice 75% XVI: The Tower 69% I - Magician 63% VIII - Strength 63% X - Wheel of Fortune 56% 0 - The Fool 44% XIX: The Sun 38% XV: The Devil 25% Which Major Arcana Tarot Card Are You? created with QuizFarm.com

You can take the quiz, too! There is a very funny "Wheel of Fotrune" question on it. I liked my results a lot, anyway. The Death card is so high because I said I liked change, and it can tell if you are a man or woman, hence High Priestess and Empress.

Other Stuff

Yes, there has been other stuff. Let's see. In dog news, Rose now is at least three inches taller than Scrunchy and only one pound less in weight. She is a lean, not really mean, puppy machine. She has a lovely personality and very shiny fur. If she'd just stop with the chewing of inappropriate objects...

Buddy is fine, but I get concerned about how aggr4essively he acts toward new people, especially since we have so many people trooping in and out for podcasts, for parties, and to hang out with the kids. He really wasn't friendly to one kid. And the poor fellow tore out a toenail this week. He hobbled for a couple of days but now is playing again.

My dogs are the same. Gwynnie can't do the doggie door very well, and Scrunchy prefers to follow Rose in and out. They are all really happy, though.

Work has been OK, though not terribly exciting. Lee and I are working together, but I am being grumpy about it (it is not personal). I am learning stuff and getting better, so I will live. I'm just so nerved out about work...but not dwelling on it. I look forward to talking with an agency on Monday that seems to have lots of training jobs. Whew. It might be nice to get at least something, given that my current temp employer sorta said, "Oh, you need a job," and never got back to me.

I am enjoying lots of stuff, which helps. Older Boy's friends visited last night and made me laugh a lot. And Younger Boy has been very funny doing stuff with Lee, so I enjoy that. Good to focus on the happy family stuff.

Not fun stuff. Of course Jeff met with his potential housemate in East Austin, and found numerous flaws with the house (the lady seemed OK though). I am not surprised, but would not have minded being pleasantly surprised by a positive report. I feel a lot of pressure to get him to leave, but can't imagine how I would live with myself if I had to throw him out with nowhere to go. I guess I will have to have a chat with him about taking up some people's offers of temporary places to be.

And I felt for Lee yesterday, because he had to go watch STBX take stuff from his house. She seems to have put on a bit of her usual drama. Trying to do the martyr thing. Really reminding me of some of the people I have known here in town who played the pity card a bit too strongly and it didn't come off the way they hoped. Shoot, I can remember wanting folks to feel sorry for me, for a few weeks, then realized that kind of behavior just drove people off. I guess it is my job to be supportive of him, so I will have a biased view. If I mention it to others, they all take her saide and say, "Well, she is hurt," or something to that effect, so none of y'all need to say that in the comments, OK? I do sort of think that, if she had wanted to be his partner so badly, she could have worked on treating him better when asked to do so. But again, I am horribly biased.

Really, things are OK. They will be better when/if the job thing settles, and Lee's legal situation settles. But I am trying to embrace change.

Being Positive

I had a bit of a down period yesterday after looking at job ads and thinking I couldn't do any of them. But I went ahead and applied for a couple of things, thinking it's about time. I even re-did my monster.com profile, since it was sending stuff to my dead email address.

And lo and behold, this morning I got a call from a real, not fake, genuine recruiter person! And I meet with her on Tuesday! There might be jobs for me after all! Still would prefer ALE. But, something needs to feed the family in the meantime.

I had a nice Valentine's Day, though it was weird to have one go by without receiving even one card. Not even my dad or sister! Of course, I didn't send them any. Just the guys at the house, and well, they are all guys. I got a beautiful, large bouquet of flowers from Lee, and Jeff gave me some Godiva chocolate drink. I had one for afternoon snack. MMM.

Anyway, I had been feeling all icky about the job thing, so Jeff decided we should all go to dinner. We went to Kim Phung in his car and no one died. I had a delicious meal of Vietnamese egg noodles with tons of veggies, beef, chicken and shrimp. Everyone else got good stuff, and the service was slow, so we got to enjoy listening to the kids for a LONG time. I really enjoy hearing what they have to talk about. It's fun to debate stuff, talk about school, and hear tales of weird kids they know. Great kids.

We went to Barnes and Noble afterwards to get Older Boy The Heart of Darkness, and I got Lee and I a couple more "question" books to read together. It's fun.

One concern I had was that the ExH emailed me that the boys had NEVER mentioned Lee or the dogs to him. Both said to me, when I asked, "Oh, it just never came up." Both said exactly that. Huh. So I said, please feel free to talk about things. Neither boy said they were upset, irritated or concerned about things here. They said everyone seems happy. Whew. It really is ALWAYS something.

Intervew Report

A quick note to let you know that my interview DID happen today, and I think it went very well. There was even the positive news that perhaps the hiring freeze at ALE won't be as long as some people thought (an earlier rumor today said maybe a year, ick). They mentioned two months, and I said, yes, I could wait two more months. I enjoyed talking to the people and meeting some of the folks Lee used to work with. It was fun. And I was happy about how well I presented myself and how self confident I apparently appeared (they said they figured I'd have NO trouble speaking in public, ha ha). I also enjoyed getting to talk to the guys who were more "workers" and finding out how they do things "across the street." It was interesting to compare notes on how instructional design can be done in many different ways.

I looked good, too. Wish I'd taken a picture! My cheap suit really looks good on me! Thanks to everyone who sent positive thoughts.

Off I go to interview (again)

Let's hope the second time is the charm and I get to interview for that job today. I got a nice outfit to wear for just $29.99 at Ross (boy the store near work is SCUMMY). But I look quite nice in my navy outfit and shoes that cost twice as much as the suit (navy blazer and navy print skirt). We also practiced asking and answering questions last night, which I hadn't done before, so I feel a little more prepared.

To report on the past couple of days, the baby shower was very festive. A lot of very, very well dressed women in an immaculate house, with very, very coordinated decorations. Most of the people even dressed in the party colors (I didn't get the memo). It was fun seeing all the fancy baby outfits that all matched, too. I got to meet a coworker's wife, too, which was a good thing. I think my unfinished knitting went over very well.

We had a quiet Sunday evening watching the Grammy awards and a fairly normal Monday, followed by a dinner with Janet from Church and her daughter. It was nice to watch the boys interact with a friend. They were very funny. Let's hope I have something positive to write for later!

See Saw, Up Down

Look, I knitted something. Mostly I have been laboring along on the baby set, so not much knitting to show in pictures. But I was supposed to teach a friend how to knit this little shrug from One Skein Wonders so I found this incredible Noro yarn with angora and other goodies in it that I got for my birthday last year and didn't know what to do with and said, "OK, you will be a shrug." Of course, I had to knit it very loosely, so it is airy and lacy. But you know what? It is cute! I decided to make the shruggie thing a little longer than the one in the book, since I had more yarn and didn't want to waste a precious drop of its beauty. Yesterday I got a beautiful button (one-of-a-kind) from the collection Pat bought for the yarn store, which goes incredibly well with it. Pat and I were amazed at how perfectly it matches. Anyway, I am happy with this item and wore it two days in a row (to coffeehouse and the memorial service yesterday). I will wear it to work tomorrow.

What's Happening

So, it's been a few days of ups and downs. Friday I went in to work wearing my interview suit and wondering why I had drawn a crappy tarot card for the day. Well, at 9:40, I got a call from the HR lass telling me that the 10:00 am appointments were canceled. Geez, I was about to leave the building to go over and find the interview rooms! I hope there is some reasonable reason, like someone was sick or something...but the good news is that the Evil Hiring Freeze of Our Wonderful New/Old CEO did not cause them to cancel talking to me altogether. I am supposed to get interviewed next week. I want a new suit. Might as well get something positive out of the experience, right?

The day was brightened by a) finding out I don't have to stop in the middle of my current work project (yay, for once), b) getting to leave work early, and c) getting to get a quick yarn shop visit in the afternoon, where little Teagan cracked us all up. That is one funny child. I got to be Queen of the Shoppe, whereas poor Pat was told to go put on more makeup.

Lee and I also went to the Live Oak Coffeehouse and enjoyed hearing Karen Mal and Ken Gaines play. They were all nice to me, which is good--I never heard a word from any of the Ex's friends after he moved out, but I was hoping not to lose all Jeff's friends. Looks like I haven't. We saw a lot of folks and they were nice. Enjoyed the music, too.

I have been feeling sorta crappy about job stuff, but am better now. I just hit panic mode every so often then remember I am not a total loser, and feel better. Right now I remember that there are actually at least three departments interested in hiring me permanently, at least so they say, so I just need to get through a couple of months of ALE turmoil. And try to get someone at the damned agency I supposedly work for to talk to me. A short-term contract to tide me over would be good.

Yesterday (Saturday) was also up and down. Mostly up--had a good time at the yarn shop, and had lots of fun with my beloved once I got home in the evening. Just in between was rough. The memorial service for the friend from church was hard. And I had to try not to cry and stuff, because the choir song was at the end (a version of Psalm 23 from some British TV show). I feel bad that I had to leave as soon as the event was over and didn't get to talk to the friend's widow, so I will talk to her next week, and got a nice card for her. It was sad at the service in other ways, too. As I looked at the packed sanctuary, I saw so many of my old friends whom I miss so much. Women from my first women's group, whom I had really wanted to be my friends, but I guess didn't want me. Former choir members whose beautiful voices a mourn (not that the current choir is bad, but I do miss those strong altos). George, Jenny, Roger, John. Oh well. Time marches on, and you can't make folks be your friends who are too busy or don't want to be involved in your "drama."

Speaking of drama. I am so, so, so, so wishing the former spouse of Lee would find something better to do with her time. I knew she'd been quiet too long, and to top all the stress of yesterday off, I came home to another one of her little missives. I said to her that I was not reading the stuff and to stop sending me email. So, Lee is bad, I am bad, she is depressed and was suicidal, and I should never trust Lee. OK, thanks for the unsolicited input from someone whose advice I probably would be less inclined to solicit than anyone other than perhaps my former spouse (who has my kids this weekend, so I didn't get to go to Older Boy's solo and ensemble competition AGAIN). Anyway, I'll continue to form my own opinions of Lee based on what I observe that he does and how he treats me.

OK, so today was better. Church was good and we did a fine job on the complex Beethoven fugue. With all the new people, we rehearse things enough that I get them all memorized, so I get bonus "looking at the director" points. Hee hee. I got to talk to some people I hadn't seen in a while, and introduce Lee to some people who have been important to me in the past. I felt good.

Now I am off to the baby shower, to show off my partially completed baby dress and the hats I made. Best I can do. That stuff goes slowly!

Good Tuba Boy

Not a great picture, but this shows the Older Boy at his recital Tuesday evening. Every year the band students do this before their solo and ensemble contest, as a practice. He was so careful getting dressed, though is appears that his pants were thrown in a wad on the floor, and his shirt was so new it was full of creases. But all the boys looked like that. Either their tie, shirt or pants was slightly askew. But what really amazed me was how beautiful it sounded. I didn't know tubas could make such pretty music--his tone was lovely, and he didn't mess up at all that I could tell (especially compared to most of the other kids we heard). I hope he gets that second movement down! He also told us he is now in the orchestra, too. There is only one tuba in the orchestra, and I guess the kid who was doing it isn't any more. It's an honor to be in the orchestra as well as in the top band!

He also got to play at his lacrosse game last night, and I wish I could have been there. But, we learned the song we are playing at the memorial service for our church member friend on Saturday, so I had to be at choir, sigh. Anyway, I am proud of him for sticking with things, even when he isn't the best. His debate partner and he have not won anything all year, and he is the least skilled lacrosse player, but he is getting strong and learning a lot about debate, so it's worth it. Just a lot to do.

Please think of me tomorrow as I do an interview for perhaps the only job left to apply for at ALE. All the other positions I applied for have gone away, thanks to a hiring freeze by our New CEO, same as the Original CEO. I knew all that rah rah talking about how thrilled we were that he was taking over again would not mean good things for little Suna. Plus no bonuses for the real employees either, which doesn't help our household financial status. But, I have this one chance in a group in another division, so I will give it my all. After that, off to look for contract work. It will all work out, so Lee keeps telling me.

Post Stupor Bowl Action

This month's tarot gathering was very pleasant, and we did a great job decorating, I think. Lots of white candles, courtesy of Lee, the White Candle Dude, plus a nice white altar cloth and flowers from Shannon, and a bunch of white roses left over from a bouquet my lovely boyfriend gave me.

The Imbolc ritual was good, other than good ole Jeff wandering in during grounding, to make a PBJ sandwich, because we rudely ordered pizza with mushrooms...oh who cares. I enjoy the spontaneous nature of our group--we wanted to chase away negativity, so Shannon found a funny skeleton shaped rattle in her purse, and we made noise with that like crazy. And to bring good vibes to those in need, we rang an angel bell I had hanging around the house. We decided to keep our group small, but maybe have something larger and invite others for the equinox.

Saturday was pretty fun, other than being sad that someone I like lost her job, and worse, someone from Ye Olde Spiritual Community whom I admired passed away last week, leaving a wife and two small children. I enjoyed teaching a child and two adults, plus helping a regular customer figure out top-down sweaters. Then Lee and I ran off to choir practice (the songs changed, due to the death). That was enough to make me want to do something light-hearted so we went to the Evil Mall and got me some new pajamas and "fun" sleepwear. It was interesting to get Lee to make choices, but what a trooper, he stuck with me in the lady stores. He got his reward later!

Saturday night we went to dinner at Lee's friends' house and ate some good southern cooking. I enjoyed meeting the daughter of the house, who is also a bossy alto in choir. We had a good time and were laughing our heads off all the way home. It is so, so nice to have someone to laugh with. I think that is something that makes both of us really feel good--we can laugh together and genuinely have fun, even if it's over nothing at all.

Church on Sunday was sad, but nice, and we had some good conversations there. Then we went out to Granger where Lee got some more stuff, including more music stuff, and I tidied the yard a bit and cleaned the kitchen. I dunno, I guess if anyone broke in or something, I'd want it to look nice for them. Of course, there's less and less worth stealing now. The only thing I'd worry about is the lovely bed and the reasonable couch. Oh yeah, the dandy dishwasher and the killer washer and dryer. MMMMM wish those were MINE. (I do not at this point know whose they are). But, we had fun, again, just doing "stuff" together. Ahh, happy couple bliss.

The highlight of Sunday was the Super Bowl, which really did not put me in a stupor. I liked both teams, so couldn't pick a favorite. I let my pal Ricky do that--every year one team is a bunch of jerks and the other team can do no wrong, and I never know who it will be until I get to the event. So, Lee, Austin and I went to Ricky and Rebecca's house (choir director and spouse) and had tons of fun. There is no one more fun to watch a football game with than Ricky, period. The national championship game that the U of Texas played in was probably the most sports fun I had in my life. I can remember we scared their dog with our whooping and yelling, and we all hugged each other like fools at the end. So, that was a nice evening, and I was glad Lee got to spend more time with them and see how nicely they have fixed up their house.

OK, so that was my weekend. Today I typed all day. Now I am home listening to Lee cook Tomorrow think of Work Boy #2 as he gets his horribly infected tooth taken care of.

Poem for Imbolc

Tina posted the link to this poem for St. Brighid on your blog celebration. What a sweet idea. thanks, Tina!

I am valiantly resisting posting a bad haiku "love poem fer Lee" I wrote to bug Work Boy #2 a couple of days ago.

So, because I have to go to a meeting ("mandatory") I will repeat my favorite love/linguistics poem, because it always gives me a little shiver:


since feeling is first
e.e. cummings

since feeling is first
who pays any attention
to the syntax of things
will never wholly kiss you;
wholly to be a fool
while Spring is in the world

my blood approves,
and kisses are a better fate
than wisdom
lady i swear by all flowers. Don't cry
—the best gesture of my brain is less than
your eyelids' flutter which says

we are for each other: then
laugh, leaning back in my arms
for life's not a paragraph

And death i think is no parenthesis

Good February so far

First, in honor of Imbolc (tomorrow) I was looking at a Brigid website and found this cool logo on the web page of the Brigidine Sisters in Kildare, Ireland. I love how there is a flame on it, and a circle. Check the site out--it has some nice pictures and a tour of my favorite holy spot on earth!

I am looking forward to a tarot ritual with a Brighid theme tomorrow night. Maybe I will show the attendees the website so they can see what our Celtic Christian friends are doing with our favorite saint.

Second, please get out your vibes again...I have another "real" job interview scheduled for here at ALE. It's in a different department, since the promised ones in my department have not materialized, but it's doing similar work, so I am hoping for the best. Lee knows the manager I'd be working for, so that is a good thing. He sent her my resume and she asked me to apply. Another goood thing. I am so lucky to have not only the nicest man in the world for my precious soul friend, but also one who can help me with these kinds of connections. Whoop.

Also, send healing vibes to Work Boy #2, whose jaw is all swollen up and we can't figure out why. We got another new contractor today, too. Hoping that works out.

Things in general are going a bit better. I have had some rest, done some fun knitting, and had wonderful friends and family to help me when I get all worked up over work issues.