That Time of Year

It has to happen. School starts. I liked it when I was in school, but as a parent, ugh. The start of that period when I can't remember all the things I am supposed to remember or buy all the things I am supposed to buy.

This year it is bittersweet--both boys are in high school, in the box-like institution pictured here. It's nice to only have to go one place to drop them both off (though I enjoyed taking Beccano and chatting with him last year). But I feel sorta sad that my kids are getting this old, getting ready to fly the coup and all that--no matter how nicely I am letting them go, according to last week's postings.

At church on Sunday there were little groups of crying mothers scattered around--all of whom either just sent or are about to send children off to college. And some wonderful children whom I will miss, too. So many talented musicians, thespians, intellects and comedians that won't be around to enjoy except at holidays. As someone mentioned on an email list, that stuff just sends me into "pre-mourning." They are both so much fun, even when Tuba Boy gets a bit teenagerly and grumpy--for the most part he is still my wonder boy--just everything a mom could want. And his brother still talks to us and tells us what is going on in his life--how I treasure that.

I'm happy that they will be in the band together, and proud at how they are already handling scheduling mix-ups and such. We'll be here to help Beccano adjust--he's much stronger now and I think he can do it just fine. I just hope Lee and I can handle the band and debate schedules, plus all the other little things that come up!

Speaking of Lee--he has an interview tomorrow, so please think good thoughts. It would be so nice if he ended up with options and decisions to make about what fine new thing to do! And his house is sold, so that worry will go away in just a few short days. We might actually make it through this period slightly ahead, knock on wood.

Thinking about Friendship AGAIN

Oh, I should not think too much, especially on the topics that gnaw at me endlessly. Like friendship. On a blog I read, the author went on a bit about losing friends suddenly and not understanding why, writing a long passage I could have written myself with only slightly different circumstances. Ironically, this brought back wounds I thought were long buried about email friendships gone awry and a whole set of friends I lost MANY years ago due to that. And that then brought up the next series of losses a few years ago, and a more recent relationship loss another long-term friend just went through. I went into a spiral of self-analysis again. No wonder my tarot card for yesterday was the 10 of Swords--I stabbed my own self in the back doing that!

I did note the blog author getting into thinking a bit of what I used to think--that my defective personality just drives people away. And it wasn't true of me or her--sure neither of us is perfect (who is? I don't want to know them)--but many times these losses are also due to issues with the other person. Sometimes folks just don't know how to say they have an issue, there's something wrong, something's bugging them, until it festers and POW the relationship explodes.

I even read an article on female love-hate friendships on CNN yesterday, which ties in a bit with this. How you can both admire and feel jealous or competitive with a friend, and how that's difficult to deal with.

Where I was going with this is that I need to realize that with a bunch of old friends popping back into my life (Facebook's dredging them up from the woodwork, way back to high school), I need to keep at peace with past failings and friendships gone awry. All I can affect NOW is how I act today. So I'll keep working to be the New and Improved Suna, and try to not wallow so much. Hard to do, with my natural Piscean INFP wallowing tendencies! But I can try!

So, don't run away, readers. I still like you, even those who don't say hi. (I seem to have chased someone off when I mentioned that last week--many apologies!) Deep in my heart, I treasure you all--ones I've hurt, ones who hurt me, ones who love me, ones who barely know me. You all have something to teach me in one way or another. Thanks!

Grateful Monday

Oh yeah, I forgot to be grateful again yesterday. I was grateful for my voice, since I managed to hit all the notes, even a D above high C, in the new choir rehearsal last night (still having some trouble with it cutting out). I am also extra grateful that I can read music. It would be awfully challenging otherwise.