Sunday, September 2, 2007
Looking at Things the Right Way
Then Lee needed me to get him paint supplies, so I went home. When he finished his painting for the day, we went out to his old house to try to get stuff to bring home. I just don't do that well. The highlight of the visit was counting the number of types of bees and beetles at the garlic chive blossoms, which was also the goal of the praying mantis in the photo. She is on the fence, hoping a bug strays a wee bit closer.
I'd drawn one of the sneaky cards in my tarot yesterday, the one where the person thinks they've gotten away with something. And when I am feeling down, I feel like I took away Lee's old life, his family, his wife, and such. Even though he assures me I did no such thing; that he was looking for a way out all along, but too lazy to do anything. He'd given up on life until I showed up. And I believe him. But I still sometimes feel bad that he and the ex didn't get to finish fixing up the house they'd worked on, that he won't ever hear from people he's known most of his life, that his son doesn't contact him at all. So, being there with all the memories attached to it made me feel sorta sick (think it also was a virus or something; Lee got similarly sick this morning). I was not much help with packing. The place brings up a lot of grief for me--I think it is a sad place.
Sigh. So, I realized I was thinking about things in a not helpful way, had a bit of a cry, then allowed Lee to cheer me up by taking me on a ride through the area surrounding the San Gabriel River, which runs through Georgetown, Texas, and has two branches. I've been on a lot of it before (there are dinosaur tracks!), but not this part.
We took some pictures on a low water crossing road or two, and you can see a slide show by clicking the link below. (Note: click the back button on your browser to return to the blog)
You can see how high the early summer floods were in some of the pictures, and all the water is way higher and more rushing than usual this time of year. Very lovely and healing.
(The traditional UU church water ceremony went on and on about the healing properties of water this morning--by then I was tired of the image!)
My point is that you need to look at things the right way. And usually I do--that Lee and I both lost some things when we committed to each other, but what we gained is immeasurable. A chance to have a truly compatible life partner and enjoy all the good and bad life will bring us. And, by not being stuck with us, our previous partners also get that chance. My ex already has enjoyed it since he left; I hope Lee's finds someone compatible with her, and that Jeff finds the life of steady work (of the kind he wants)and friendship (of the type he needs) that he is looking for.
Looking at things positively I can see that our decisions are really good. It will be OK.
In happy news: it's not hot today!