Thursday, November 30, 2006
And if you had known him when he was severely depressed, couldn't even take a day at school without falling apart, and lashing out at everyone around him, you'd never know it was the same boy.
In other child news, the Older Boy got his learner's permit. If only we owned a car with an automatic transmission that he can practice on! The exDH will be here this weekend and maybe he can try out the rental car (ha). I certainly don't think I will borrow a car to try out a new driver on--so we will have to have him do his practice driving from 6-8 am and hope for the best. Um, or teach him to drive the stick shift.
Anonymous (Tina) said...
Yay for younger boy AND older boy!!! I would be happy to offer the services of my car for him to try to learn on (you riding shotgun, of course). It's easy to drive, and super safe, plue, it only has 4 cyl, so it won't go very fast, haha.I am looking forward to seeing everyone tomorrow. Also, we were thinking about bringing the pup to play with Scrunchy - maybe outside? Nibbler doesn't have a yard or any other dogs to play with, plus Bryce hates him. Let me know if that's okay with you.
Friday, December 01, 2006 5:07:00 PM
YAY for both boys! Congrats to all of you -- proud boys, proud mom! Life is GOOD!!!
Tuesday, December 05, 2006 11:01:00 PM
I spent the rest of the day thinking about the ethics of Internet privacy. I'll spare you the long thought process, but it occurred to me how important personal ethics are to personal privacy. Eveyone knows nothing is "safe," not email, blogs, nor websites, no matter how many passwords you have or whatever. But, I realized a few days ago that at home, I feel safe, mainly because I and the people in my house (as well as exDH) always respect each other's privacy. I never look at DP's email, or check up on what he has been browsing (don't know how I could--he always turns his machine off when not in use), but I never looked at exDH's either. And vice versa. If we want each other to read or see something, we share. Otherwise, our own things are our business--it is mutual respect. I know it isn't that way for everyone, so I will say I am grateful for that feature of my home.
As for shrinking, I've now lost about 20 pounds this year. I'd let myself creep up in weight again (not near the high from when I lost so much that time, but too high for my pants to fit well). This year, with all the stress and such, it's been going down, and in the last few weeks with all the high stress, it's picked up. I am glad to be within the "OK weight for Suna" zone again (barely), but I am a little concerned, since one reason I haven't eaten much is that my stomach hurts. So, I'll talk about it at the checkup I am scheduling real soon.
The bad thing is I have to go dig out some slightly smaller jeans (it's OK, they go down to a 6 in the bowels of the closet). Luckily the ones I bought last week were pretty tight, so they will last at least another 5 pounds, which is the goal. I am not, not, not going to get down to where I was in 2001, or whenever that big loss happened! A nice, medium 125 will be fine. I lost the double chin, fit into nice 8-10 clothing, and feel OK, too.
translation: I was pretty appalled to think that the STBX was reading Lee's email. And reading my blog, which I had been very careful to not list anywhere, not make searchable, etc. But, I did share it with friends. And you never know what THEY will do with information. Like make it available to people with access to their computers.
It worries me that you are losing so much weight for the wrong reasons. I think you look perfect the way you are!!!
Thursday, November 30, 2006 8:26:00 PM
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
And of course, singing helps me feel better.
More on other topics tomorrow, if I have time. Lots of work to do and a busy evening with NON WORK FRIENDS.
translation: I said non-work friends here, and pretty much stopped posting about Lee because I realized someone was snooping on his email and reading my blog. I did not have sex at any point during this week, by the way.
extra translation for the especially paranoid: If, for some reason, my saying I did not have sex this week conveys the impression I did have sex the week before, or on some other mysterious Day of Sex, cross that off your list of paranoid delusions. Not that it is anyone's business other than RM and mine, I did not have sexual relations of any kind with anyone other than myself from March 2003 until whatever day I say I did in this stupid blog (which was really NOT written to be a series of hidden hints revealing my true nefarious character, like the Da Vinci Code; it was intended as a little fun blog to update my friends, not as fodder for anyone's unhealthy obsessions).
Nota bene: I am not obligated to explain my sex life to ANYONE. To find out why my boyfriend became my housemate, one would have to go date him. Feel free. He eats a lot and earns little. He is also always right, all the time. If you are also always right, all the time, this might be an issue. You might cause each other to explode. That would be messy, but nonetheless might solve lots of problems in my life.
April 2007: Boy, I was sure pissed off at Lee's STBX. She was reading crazy things between the lines of my blog, long after I moved it to here because of her behavior. I really regret that Lee accidentally left a screen available for her to see it, thus really violating my privacy and feeding a paranoid person with fodder for her paranoia.
Comments (oh yes, this post was supposed to be about not getting that job, a thing that also truly screwed up my life in the long run)
May I be the first to call you a dork for appologizing to us for causing disappointment? I thought so. :)That sucks that you didn't get the job. In a big way. It's very good to hear that personnel was so supportive and encouraging.Can't wait to hear about the next opportunity for permanent employment that comes your way!
Wednesday, November 29, 2006 8:49:00 AM
yeah, I just feel like I let everyone down (present company excepted). That is because I am so hard on myself and so badly want to live up to expectations--just keep falling slightly short. This is the second time in a row that I JUST missed the mark. I'd say always a bridesmaid and never a bride, but no one ever asked me to be a bridesmaid. :-)
Wednesday, November 29, 2006 3:30:00 PM
You haven't disappointed me. I just want YOU to be happy!!!! I want you to be happy whatever that takes and I will continue to support you as you work to make that happen for yourself!!!HUGS
Thursday, November 30, 2006 7:48:00 AM
Unless things go awry. I am a little concerned about that.
Thanks to all of you who've emailed or commented. It means a lot to have you thinking of me, so I know I'll be fine no matter what. [insert gazillion smiley faces]
I am on pins and needles, waiting to hear!!! Sending lots of good thoughts your way, no matter what happens!
Tuesday, November 28, 2006 9:40:00 PM
Monday, November 27, 2006
Less good has been yet another issue with our networks, which messed up how super-dee-duper productive I had planned on being today--I could have revised/rewritten a whole document if I hadn't suddenly become unable to get to the files.
Worst has been the fact that rumors about the job decision being made soon were flying all day, so the Work Boys and I were in nervous states (Genia and Chatty K were both not here). Work Boy #1 found out he didn't get a chance to interview, and we were all bummed about that. But still hope more opportunities arise. Then, the personnel dude came by and took Work Boy #2 away. That didn't do my already very painful stomach much good at all. Poor #1 had to listen to a bit of paranoia from me, but he was good about it. However, when #2 came back, it turned out that the personnel dude had only dropped by to let him know that they weren't quite ready to make the offer! All that worry for naught! But he did say it would be later today (I doubt THIS much later today) or tomorrow.
So, I will be out of this job angst misery one way or the other tomorrow. That's good, since I need to move on to other issues. I hope all these issues will lead me to be a happy camper, so send the vibes today!
Next I get to go sing with my lovely singing boys. That will at least take my mind off stuff.
translation: moving on to other issues means the couple thing.
I'm crossing everything I've got, and rubbing my ring, too. hugs to you while you wait. :)
Monday, November 27, 2006 9:17:00 PM
Ring rubbing is happening here too!!!HUGS
Monday, November 27, 2006 10:26:00 PM
Sunday, November 26, 2006
There were even very cute goats right next to Work Boy #1's house (where the dog came from--he and spouse do puppy fostering).
It was fun to meet all the dogs and puppies at Work Boy's, and we were relieved that they didn't get too weirded out by me coming out to get the dog. It just helped to have someone to hold her on the way home. And Work Man and I needed to chat. It's good to chat with nice scenery going by, rather than in a cubicle.
This was not what I expected to do today, but it's a good thing, all in all! The only other major day highlight was singing soprano in choir today. It is not all that bad singing melody once in a while.
translation: I neglected to mention that we decided to be a couple on this day, right here. This is the day. And we kissed. The decision was that the next item on the agenda was talking to roommates and partners about this. Please note that I didn't plan any of this.
April 2007: It's funny that what is probably the most important day of my life really didn't say much about it, and no one even commented. I am glad to have Lee.
Saturday, November 25, 2006
Not much to say today. Woke up, drove boy to lacrosse tournament, went to Starbucks, had interesting discussion, went to yarn store, talked to my friends, taught a lady magic loop (why is it such a mystery? I don't know), did tarot with Jody, came home, watched football, knitted, typed. Wished time would move a bit faster, though I don't know what's supposed to happen after it does move.
I can tell you about the nice conversation, yeah, that's it. I was in Starbucks waiting for it to be 10 am, and a couple came in wearing University of Florida stuff, so I said, "go gators" to them. Then another couple came in wearing UF stuff, so we all said, "go gators" to them. We ended up with 5 UF grads sitting in the shop! We chatted a bit about school and such, then the man nearest me and I began to say that we'd go live in Gainesville again in a heartbeat. The guy then looked at me, lowered his voice and said, "I know this is going to sound sort of hokey, but I always felt like Gainesville was sort of...magical...like when you are there, you feel like you are at home." Well, of course, I didn't think that was hokey, since I had told Work Man the very same thing mere days ago.
This is a picture of what it looks like at home. Sorry I had to get one off a website--none of my actual photos are digital (most are blurry and taken on very old 60s and 70s cameras). This gives you the idea. It is very green, very leafy, very mossy. The trees are SO big. And it smells good there. Even DP said so, when I showed him the house I grew up in when we zoomed through on our way to visit his mother.
Thinking of home helps a lot. It reminds me of the feeling you get when a lost part of you is found--and my home is one lost part of me it may take a while to get back.
Here's the song fellow Gainesville native Tom Petty wrote about where we came from (places mentioned are real). I may have quoted this song before, but hey, it means a lot to me!
Goin' down to Lillian's music store
To buy a black diamond string
Gonna wind it up on my guitar
Gonna make that silver sing
Like it was Dreamville
A long time ago
A million miles away
All the trees were green
I keep wakin' up all by myself
With a bluejay in my brain
Flappin' his wings, makin' me sing
It was just about to rain
Like it was Dreamville
Where I was born
Light years from here
And the air smelled good
Like it was Dreamville
A long time ago
Light years from here
And the trees were green
Ridin' with my mamma
To Glen Springs Pool
The water was cold
My lips were blue
There was rock and roll
Across the dial
When I think of her
It makes me smile
Like it was Dreamville
A long time ago
A million miles away
All the trees were green
In Dreamville, in Dreamville
Yeah it was Dreamville
A long time ago
Light years from here
And the air smelled good
In Dreamville, in Dreamville
translation: see, I was just sitting around, passing time.
Thursday, November 23, 2006
It was probably a good thing to have a nice, boring American holiday today, since I have been having the most emotionally intense week since I can remember.
Everything was nice and normal today, other than my poor sister being really sick--but she was a trouper and helped me cook the fine and delicious meal. We had a nice time talking about our jobs and lives. Nice to be getting along well with her. And she and DP got on fine--he helped her with a new camera. It was my most stress-free holiday in ages. The whole family was fine and charming, though I am slightly worried that the corgi's eyes may be hurting her.
I've had some nice talks with friends in the past two days, in IM or phone, and I am so grateful for modern conveniences like that--you need to keep up with the lives and families of people who matter to you (so send vibes for NJ's father-in-law). Phones and stuff mean you don't get cut off from important people for days on end. Mostly. OK, so Work Man went away for 5 days. I'll have to be strong, ha ha.
In knitting excitement, I finally ended the body of my silk garden sweater, which I now declare to be a tunic. They are in fashion. The border is a seed stitch stripe. It looks nice, I think. On to arms!!! Tomorrow I hope to spend quite a bit of time at the yarn store working on it, and getting some stuff on sale--I'll need more border yarn and probably more silk garden, which I reserved.
I hope your day was wonderful, readers!
translation: I did not talk to Lee over the Thanksgiving holiday until Sunday. I did email him a few times and he emailed me. But not much. I had no clue what he was thinking about or planning. I didn't know WHAT I was going to do, just that I wished he wasn't gone.
Happy Thanksgiving! I am glad you had a good day. I love reading about how other people celebrate holidays.Take care(and HUGS for your broken ring!! I know how I feel when my fingers are in such bad shape that I can't wear mine and it's sad.)
Friday, November 24, 2006 2:17:00 PM
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
I did want to recommend the CD/DVD that DP got yesterday, the Beatles Love. The first song alone, oh my. A capella version of "Because." In surround sound it is totally mind-blowing, like the lyric in the song. So, go buy it for a friend or yourself!!
In honor of the CD:
Love is old, love is new,
Love is all, love is you.
translation: We talked some more. We realized we cared deeply about each other. And we laughed a LOT about the stuff we had not mentioned to each other for fear that the other one would not understand. Mostly this was about laughing and not having to constantly try to not show we cared. I believe there were a few hugs that day. We did not make any plans. No kissing. Held hands in a restaurant.
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
For someone who said many words, I was really inarticulate today. I feel a bit like a song from Band on the Run. "No Words." But I learned a new obscure word today, so at least I have one word, and it was a weird one, and it made me laugh. And I read some song lyrics that meant a lot to me, so it was a good day. Just inarticulate.
Work was a killer today--I was there 7:30 am to 7 pm. But while some was intense, some of it was also goofing off. I really do enjoy those coworkers--even when they are griping.
And it's true; I also enjoy the Work Man. It's really energizing and liberating to get a chance, even if just for a little while every day, to be myself uncensored. Hard to get used to that, though, so duh, I am inarticulate. If you have a friend, family member or lover with whom you can be your uncensored self, please thank him or her, for me. It doesn't happen every day!
translation: I was inarticulate because Lee wrote me a song. It explained how he felt about me. It was the same as how I felt about him. I was not sure what to do. We do not have a relationship. We have potential at this point. I think I may have held his hand.
yeah, sometimes it's not easy coming up with something every day. At least I can be thankful for the Neighbors From Hell to keep my blog, um, interesting? is that the word? I dunno, I'm being inarticulate today. :) Glad you got Work Man to keep things fun.
Tuesday, November 21, 2006 10:51:00 PM
Monday, November 20, 2006
This picture is of the masterful stack of objects my coworker made today while the network was down. To protect all of us, I cropped out the lovely photo of him and his fiancee from the image.What I Wrote during the Network Outage:
My dear friend Austin got married yesterday. I didn’t get invited to the wedding, which appeared to be for family only. It is nice they did it that way, but also fits into my history of not getting invited to people’s weddings. I just very rarely am, and have never been anyone’s close enough friend or relative to be in the wedding party, other than my own two fiascos of weddings.
The reception was a typical Austin/Connie bash, with not much food or drink, but a lot of people and a lot of music (though, while I was there, no one was paying much attention to the music). Most of the really good folks were avoiding playing, other than the intrepid Chris Gage and his accordion. I, um, like his guitar and piano playing. I did get to see a lot of folks, since many people who used to be in Ye Olde Spiritual Community showed up, plus current people, plus a whole bunch of our music friends. And Austin has LOTS of those. DP really enjoyed seeing so many of his friends there, too.
Much good happened. I sure got to hug a lot of people, thanks to wearing my hot little turquoise velour jacket, swirly skirt and fancy boots. Mostly people wanted to touch the jacket. That was OK with me, I am needing a lot of hugs these days and put up my anti-vibe guard enough that all the non-intimates hugging me didn’t bug me too much (what IS it with me and not liking physical contact unless I am fairly mentally close to someone? Oooh, she’s so SENSITIVE).
Thankfully the friend who I needed reassuring hugs from the most came through with gusto, and it helped a lot. We both need to reassure each other we still like each other, I think, and have not had a chance to really talk since the odd chain of events happened that have made it difficult—mostly we are with our partners or others and acting cheerful.
Austin was a hugging maniac—as well he should have been! He seemed really happy, and I am so glad for him—he and Connie seem to be a good match, quite accepting of each other’s unique qualities, as it were. What would it be like to be with a partner that is truly compatible? I think I’ve almost forgotten, it’s been so long. And I think that’s what gave me wedding bell blues. I know I’ve given up on that, and lately that has been harder to accept than it was before I started this job.
Oh well, I drank a LOT of champagne, and that blotted stuff out. I also had to blot out my sadness that my “ring of power” broke in half. I knew it would—they all have a weak spot. But I’d been wearing that ring every day for a LOT of years. So, it’s pieces are in my pocket, and I hope to get them made into earrings, which was Work Man’s suggestion. I will order another ring to remind me of my wonderful online circle of women.
I think I am missing those people a lot, too. I don’t get to chat much, and am too busy to email a lot, so I am not participating online as much as I would like to. I miss my good boss Hedy, and Stephanie. And the ones who dumped me, even though I know I won’t get them back. Yeah, yeah, boo hoo. Heh, today Work Man said I was full of Happy Magick (I do see that I make him happy, and vice versa—I am happier than I have been in ages). But I don’t feel that way deep inside, still. I truly am happy, glad for my new job, my new friends, and the connection that I have and all that Happy Magick. I guess I am too human and want it all. But I am too old and have some heavy karma going against me, I guess. I had a psychic twin relationship once and messed it up, starting 30 years ago last August. That’s all you get, I guess.
Tomorrow: Something more cheery, or at least focused on the here and now.
translation: the friend I needed hugs from was Scott. He is a friend. I have male friends. The connection I have with Lee is important to me. At this time, I realized it was deep and probably not going away. I did not know what to do with it. But it made me happy. I also realized how I had messed up my relationship with my high school boyfriend, who reminds me of Lee a lot (I found a picture of him...eww...they look alike, too). Another reason I hesitated to have any romantic relationship--tired of screwing up, repeating a pattern, hurting people.
It's human to want it all -- I do too. But it's reality to realize that we just can't have it all- or at least not most of us. Sorry about the ring. :( That seems to happen fairly often. I'm thankful that mine is a version that is a whole band and not as susceptible to breaking.
Tuesday, November 21, 2006 10:47:00 PM
Yeah, Barbara, you're right. Because you grow up, life gets complicated, and you have commitments and obligations. And actually, I think I am OK with that part.But when I said: "I had a psychic twin relationship once and messed it up, starting 30 years ago last August. That’s all you get, I guess." I was wrong. I'd like to retract that. Maybe every 30 years you get to try again? Maybe I've gathered some wisdom that will help me cope more successfully this time. I'd hate to have to wait again until I am 78.
Wednesday, November 22, 2006 3:38:00 PM
Go watch the movie "The Secret". And then rethink what you can and can't have in life.I believe you can, and I don't even think you have to wait 30 years. I think if you really want it, you could make it happen right now.Did you order a new ring? I just got my thumb ring from Wellstone.:-)I like it!
Friday, November 24, 2006 11:02:00 PM
a unit of cultural information transferable from one mind to another
In any case, I like to think about stuff like this.
Three Things I Do Every Day:
-draw a tarot card
Three Things I Wish I Could Do Every Day:
-do something fun with a friend
Three Hopes I Have for Today:
-do something fun with Work Man
-get some good writing done at work
-enjoy Younger Son's band concert
Three Things I Hear:
-a lady helping a person process their ALE gift card
-Linda Ronstadt on the MP3 player
Three Ways I Have Changed my Life:
-I have learned not to give my heart and soul to any job
-I have stopped looking for happily ever after
-I have really assimilated the fact that everyone has something they can teach me
Three People I Wish I Could See Again:
Three Items I Wish I Owned:
-a yarn store, with someone else to run it
-a house on a quiet lake (no jet skis)
-a really comfortable chair
Three Wishes I Had When I Was Young:
-to own a pony
-to become an AA Fuel Dragster driver
-to be a witch
Three Fears I Have:
-one of my kids having something bad happen to them
-motorcycles (hoping to cure myself of that one)
Three Things on My Desk:
-memory stick with funny party pix on it
-fresh coffee from downstairs
Three Thoughts in My Mind:
-deal positively with the job situation however it comes out
-keep enjoying my new friendship however that works out
-what to get the family for Christmas
Barbara said... how fun - I was wondering what Meme meant - thanks for looking it up. I clearly just copied it from someone else. :) hey, it looks like you got at least one wish come true.Tuesday, November 21, 2006 10:49:00 PM
Sunday, November 19, 2006
I went to a gathering of folks from ALE -- contractors and former contractors from my department. A nice bunch of people, and we don't all get to see each other much since we have split off to various other places. I'd been a bit concerned, since some of the attendees had applied for the same job as me, and I'd have to deal with the person who "went off" on me on Friday. But, I dealt with my headache remnants and showed up with all my food products and a smile.
It went pretty well--just had to not engage that one attendee every time she said, "Friday was hell," which she said a lot. I enjoyed talking to all the people I don't see much--all interesting women. At some point after dinner, we were talking about fashion and G. said that one day she had gotten chilly and gone to the "scarf store in Sue Ann's car." Everyone perked up and said, "You have a scarf store in your car?" and I said, yeah, actually, I do--because I have all those consignment scarves I was gonna sell at Yulefest in there, riding around. They begged me to go get them, so I did. It was pretty funny to watch them all flinging scarves around. They'd put one on, look in the mirror, come back, get opinions. They seemed to have a great time. I was slightly uncomfortable about selling them stuff at a party, so I priced them lower than I normally would (but at least paid for the yarn). I left with about $200 I didn't have when I went, which will be nice holiday money! Lots of funny pictures were taken, so I will be sure to share then when I get them! I DO hope the photo of me chewing was DELETED.
PS: I missed Jody and Cheri at the yarn shop yesterday. It was really quiet.
Friday, November 17, 2006
Today was not a good day for my head. My tarot card was the Wheel of Fortune and I pretty much did what it depicts--went through every emotion, from happy to sad to angry to ill to neutral and back again. All day long I felt "odd" and I got extra dizzy at lunch, then again in the late afternoon. Finally, on the way home I realized I had one of those weird migraine-like headaches I used to have in grad school. As I recall from over 20 years ago, it was hard for me to figure those out back then, too. I don't think I've had but one or two of those since that time, either.
I was having a lot of trouble with what I was writing today, and there was something of a misunderstanding with a coworker that led to a bit more than normal stress (mainly because I am trying really hard to be extra easy to get along with and not make things harder on someone who's already having a rough time. I was not happy when another coworker had to take the brunt of complaining about me (though I appreciate his defense of me--I really work with some nice, reasonable folks), so the strain of this, waiting on the job news, and my other random internal struggles probably didn't help the head issue.
But, on the other hand, I have to say I am enjoying the rhythm of work days lately, where I work hard and have very nice coffee and lunch breaks where I get that rare chance to be myself, uncensored. I don't let my guard down a lot, especially after the fiasco at Ye Olde spiritual Community and the distrustful times at the former job. The latter was especially sad when I tried to keep some stuff from my dear pal NJ and she from me so we wouldn't make things worse on each other--she was the one I could just be "me" with before. It's nice we can get back to that again now (though not so nice it has to be by phone, IM and email). For the most part, I am really enjoying getting to know the work folks--Work Man's just a treasure to be with, and like he points out, he really makes me laugh. And I've been enjoying working with the Work Boys, too. I like listening to them talk about movies and politics. I had a nice talk about UUism with another coworker today, and it was refreshing--nice to make the connections. So, that's still all good.
Above and beyond the call of duty--both the boss and Work Man offered to drive me home today. He was the only one left by the time I did leave (not that it was torture, other than the massive traffic jam caused by a bad wreck near my house--I was sorta worried the Older Boy was in it, going to his debate thing, but he wasn't). I hope my car is still there tomorrow morning.
Once I got home I took the fine medicine I have for heads, and slept a few hours. Then the Younger Boy and I watched two movies together, sorta. He actually glommed onto a book Work Man had given me to read, about Celtic Shamanism (cause I wanted to read about the four paths in it). We do a lot of exchanging of materials. I was sort of shocked that Younger Boy got so into the book that he went to another room to read it for an hour or so. Then he came back requesting various aromatherapy oils (for his congestion--he has it BAD) and crystals (not sure for what, but he sure wanted carnelian). So, I went and found him various items--I think he was darned impressed I HAD all those things just lying around the house. What, he forgot my stuff??? He says, "Mom, can I cast a circle? Mom, can I have an ash wand? Can I make a pentacle?" Cracked me up. He really likes that book, and ooh is he jealous that my wand is made of ash (tree was in front of our house in Illinois). Well, now's the time to explore one's spirituality, I guess. It's sweet (and a relief) to see him that interested in anything other than Star Wars Galaxies (his online game). I don't expect he will grow up to be a Celtic Shaman. I know I went through a lot of phases as a young one. Most involving hugging trees, though.
Ha, I ramble. It is nice to have a bit of time to do so, having been so busy lately. I hope to find time this weekend to really work on my Silk Garden sweater this weekend, then finish that vest I was working on. Tomorrow is the usual busy Saturday. Long day knitting, then a party with Work Women. I hope that will be fun!
translation: NOW you can say Lee and I realize that we like each other. But no one talked about it, no one touched anyone else in the car, or at lunch when I was dizzy. One reason I was dizzy, which I didn't mention, was that the entire conversation revolved around about a dozen really weird things Lee and I have in common, and that we talked about some of the kinds of things we hadn't talked about before. I talked more about the real nature of my roommate's and my status, etc. Nobody in these coffee and lunch conversations brought up anything about pairing up or the like. Just about current status. No negative words were spoken about anyone other than my roommate. Note the date here. Mid November.
I'm glad you got someone to give you a ride home. No fun feeling less than normal. I hope you continue to feel better. How neat that he got into Celtic Shaman. :)
Saturday, November 18, 2006 3:17:00 PM
Monday, November 13, 2006
This here is the Younger Boy aka Art Boy last night at the Reflections award presentation at the middle school. Too bad he isn't wearing his lovely (large) medal--hadn't gotten it yet. He got to go on to the District level with this computer generated art project he made using "Blender." It is a hypothetical scene of night in Ireland. I saw some of the other kids' projects--all had objects on them, placed in spots, while Art Boy's has elements that fit, have perspective, shadows and all that. there is even lightning in the night sky. I am very proud of him--and he is proud of himself. He so rarely gets a chance to "star" at school--I'm glad this worked out. He really is an incredibly bright and interesting kid--just not Mr. Academic. And that's fine, long as he finds a niche to shine in, other than being the Head Wookie in Star Wars Galaxies.
Other stuff is pretty good. I got some new clothing as an award for surviving a very painful dental cleaning, including a very bright blue velour jacket and a swirly denim skirt. I feel pretty cute in it today with the blue snakeskin cowboy boots. Still waiting on job news, but that is to be expected--they are not finished interviewing. And I am still enjoying my dear coworkers. Such a funny bunch.
When I am not feeling really good about myself (see tarot entry for today) I wonder how I could get such nice friends--still marveling at the ones I have made this year at the knitting shop and work. Who would want ME for a friend, knowing how I am not good with words so often, so moody, so emotionally needy. These nice folks (and my Internet friends who have managed to stick with me through so much!) like me anyway. Yay. I gotta remember all the friends are flawed, too, 'cause we are all human.
Long day ahead--gonna try to go to choir after knitting. That is a lot of stuff in one day. And I am really sore from walking into a wall. I do that a lot these days. I get so distracted trying to keep my boundaries that my feet fail, or something.
translation: I walked into walls a lot because I was trying so hard to not touch Lee or do anything I should not do. I guess you don't get many points for trying...but I did my best to keep things on a coworker/friend level. From what I can tell, this was not easy for either of us.
01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain (Enchanted Rock)
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive (actually it was a Maserati)
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula (RIP, Chichi)
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said "I love you" and meant it (but will I ever again?)
09. Hugged a tree (it's my religion)
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game (a college bowl game in New Orleans)
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby's diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne
24. Given more than you can afford to charity (my freakin' SOUL)
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb (I have hugged a sheep)
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster (but I do not like it)
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking (Buckwheat Zydeco 1986)
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment (10/31/06)
39. Had two hard drives for your computer (this one, right here, under the desk)
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk. (wedding night, 1990)
42. Had amazing friends (present tense)
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe.
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach (watch out for sand dunes)
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland (but, not any more, sigh)
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love (an actual pattern!)
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them (conference for previous job)
54. Visited Japan - no but had a Japanese boyfriend, see #52
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your CDs
57. Pretended to be a superhero (Supergirl)
58. Sung karaoke (in public, ACK)
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Played touch football (lots when young)
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites (see #51, also Wales and England)
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married (twice)
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced (twice)
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest (well, funniest costume 10/31/06)
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on television news programs as an "expert"
83. Got flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage (love it, regardless of my "talent")
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Kissed on the first date
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one/both of your parents (I did not personally bury her, but my mother is dead)
93. Been on a cruise ship (but never on a cruise)
94. Spoken more than one language fluently (no, never that good at either language I am OK at)
95. Performed in Rocky Horror
96. Raised children (in the process thereof)
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour (one's partner does not count)
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country (no, but that's where my ex met his new spouse)
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking (it amused the kids)
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication (I don't think "NB" is a large publication)
106. Lost over 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Touched a stingray
110. Broken someone's heart (and I feel awful about it)
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol (never will, either)
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery (cesarean, gall bladder)
120. Had a snake as a pet (technically my son's but I had to feed it)
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
132. Touched a cockroach (hard to avoid in Gainesville, Florida)
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes (mmm)
134. Read The Iliad - and the Odyssey
135. Selected one "important" author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating (a fish)
137. Skipped all your school reunions (tried to go this year but lost my job)
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you (if a scarf is art)
145. Had a booth at a street fair (ugh)
146. Dyed your hair (no one's hair is this color naturally)
147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone's life (probably)
Friday, November 10, 2006
Most interesting was the discussion of salary and benefits, which made me soo happy, as did the information that there are a number of positions that might work out if this one does not. The thing is, of course, that I like it here for personal reasons. But, work's work, and I can keep my friends if I am elsewhere.
I am still concerned about the threatened incident at the Older Boy's school, but there is apparently nothing parents can really do other than make sure their kids report suspicious things. And, sigh, the younger one did really poorly on his report card, in his eyes. We're gonna work on that.
Suna, I wore "the ring" today and thought of you and your interview. I hope that the right thing for you is what ends up happening.
Friday, November 10, 2006 7:19:00 PM
I've been thinking about you all week, with the interview and then the stuff at school, oh man! you have had your plate full. I can't wait to hear that you got the job.
Friday, November 10, 2006 10:13:00 PM
I have been thinking about you all week, not sure when the interviews would happen - you neglected to tell us which day, so we could send you energy!!!I know you did great, and will be waiting to hear about your awesome new job!
Saturday, November 11, 2006 10:26:00 AM
Nancy Jo said...
Woo hoo! If you think it went good, it must have been completely fabulous. Of course, we all knew it would go well.Nancy Jo, who needs to catch up on reading here, but will need to do it another time
Saturday, November 11, 2006 11:24:00 AM
I am sure you knocked their socks off! I think we often underestimate how well we do in things like interviews so if you felt it went well, then there is no doubt that it did!! I've been vibing for you all week and was thinking of you Friday especially!!!Take care
Tuesday, November 14, 2006 10:06:00 PM
Tuesday, November 7, 2006
Here is a photo I found of the guys I sing with. When we were younger. In doing so, I discovered we have been rehearsing since at least 1999. I love these guys (really, I literally love these guys--I don't wanna sing with guys I don't love!). But they sure rehearse a lot and perform a little. Most of our "gigs" have been church services, which means, naturally, that DP (domestic partner) never has really seen us perform. But he has plenty of opinions on the rehearsal part, so we don't rehearse at my house any more, even though it's nice to have the professional keyboard and stuff. And yeah, it's true. The one on the left is about as anal retentive as they come, and way more "authoritative" than his actual skills and talents authorize him to be. The one on the right is so ADD and jumpy sometimes that it drives me nuts.
But, we have so much fun working out harmonies most of the time, and working out arrangements. It's good for the soul, regardless of the fact than none of us sing ALL that well--we just have a VERY good blend when we all are "on."
I stopped singing last year. DP's comments about how nasal I am and how I don't do this or that right just got to me at some point and then, when I heard a tape of a rehearsal with some other folks I said, gee, I pretty much suck. And stopped. I know I don't totally suck. I can read music. I have really good pitch most of the time. Just not such a polished voice. And I'd take lessons, say, from the lady down the street, but I don't want to hear the hurtful stuff from DP.
They asked me to sing again, and I thought I'd say no. But I do miss it. And Work Man is interested, misses performing, which might bring a smidge of professionalism in the mix. Or cause dude on the left to explode. Is this a good or bad idea? Probably some of each. At least they all have incredibly goofy senses of humor and similar musical tastes.
We rehearsed last night, the three of us. And it went OK. Took a while to remember some of the songs we tried, but we got there. And we found some fun new things to try for the purported gig we might have in January. I got to sing "I Only Have Eyes for You" and it didn't hurt my ears, though it probably sounds worse to others.
I guess I will go back to choir for the holiday season, if I can get my knitting classes done in time. They do need me. I will just put that self doubt behind me and enjoy music. Music is good for me, and uses another part of my brain, like knitting and tarot do. That is good. Focus on the good.
PS: my fortune from yesterday's lunch: You have a potential urge and the ability for accomplishment.
We attempted to take that as a good sign.
translation: We spend most of our lunches talking about how to best get me that job I ended up not getting by a hair. Lee was really supportive. In a friendly way. I was still glad he wanted to sing with us.
As someone who proudly posesses one of your CDs and listens to it on a regular basis, I am not sure who DP thinks he is for telling you that you can't sing. You voice may not be the style that *he* wants to listen to, but it is the style that *I* want to listen to. I am glad you are back at it. I think your choir will feel quite lucky to have you back as well.
Wednesday, November 08, 2006 9:02:00 AM
Being one of the altos in said choir, I heartily agree! We will be very glad to have you back. You can tell DP from me, if you want, that he's a complete idiot. If he was all that wonderful, somebody'd be paying him.
Thursday, November 09, 2006 12:42:00 AM
Nancy Jo said...
I'm so glad to hear that you're back to singing. It is good for you and you are good for it. DP has fallen from my favor, as I have mentioned before. :-(Iris
Saturday, November 11, 2006 11:21:00 AM
Christine (firstname.lastname@example.org) said...
Singing a profession, or passion, or pleasure. If singing going to be profession then training necessary. If other then fO the DP person. U do not have to put of with negative. What does religious leader think.Look into your religous beliefs with direction on the issue and others. Might need to get religous help with the problems in your life.
Saturday, November 11, 2006 6:15:00 PM
Sing!Singsingsingsingsing!Then sing some more, it's good for the soul.How can I purchase one of your c ds?Des
Saturday, November 11, 2006 8:26:00 PM
The only me CDs are a little demo we made a few years ago, and we have never sold any. Maybe if we get our group together a bit more, we'll record again. Problem is, DP is the person with the studio, and he thinks we aren't too good.And as for my religious views, they are quite helpful to me. And both the ministers at my church are wonderful harmony singers, too--the female one is in a choir I'd love to join some day, when things settle a bit.
Monday, November 13, 2006 1:06:00 PM
Monday, November 6, 2006
Yay, I got the picture to show up. These are my latest creations. I'd hoped to link them to yesterday's post, but no such luck. These went really fast--were finished in ten days. That's because I used sport-weight yarn (it's what Joslyn sent to use on that pattern). There are three choices on this pattern, and I chose this one because it looked different. I like the socks a lot, though the front is a bit boring--just K1P1 ribbing. Made me glad once more to be a continental knitter! The back is bumpy, which doesn't really show up well. It sorta reminds me of a spine.
I must say I enjoyed not having to make a heel flap, and since I wear so many clogs and Birks, I am sure I will wear these a lot, if I have something that is purple and pink (oh sure, so much of THAT in my wardrobe). Another interesting thing about these socks, which you can see on it's Flikr photos (click the link in the sidebar), is that the toe is what I think they call a "star" toe, but I could be wrong. You K6 K2tog, then knit 6 rows, then k5 K2tog and knit 5 rows, etc., until you get to K2tog all around, where you pull the stitches together. This toe is not horribly exciting to look at but it gives you wiggle room and is quite comfy.
That's it on the socks. On to the roads. Once again, 12 minutes to work this morning. I can get used to that. I am not happy that they built all these toll roads around here, that they are so high, and that they are owned by some Mexican company, and blah blah. But, If I save 20 minutes a day, times 5 days a week, that is an hour and a half of free time I win. And I save gas not driving through all the roads with stop lights. DP really hates the road. He also has a LOT of time to spend sitting in traffic. And luckily, the other roads are clearer now that some of the cars are on other roads. Some of my work colleagues who live farther out are saving up to a half hour.
PS: I think I hit "post" before finishing yesterday's epic. If by any chance I cut off a sentence about you personally, I didn't mean to! I got all interrupted.
Sunday, November 5, 2006
I have had so much fun at work that it is ridiculous, and lots of opportunities to demonstrate that I can cope well with change and ambiguity. Like when our whole project got canceled on Friday after we were 99.9% done. We just said, well, that will give us stuff to work on in the next version! Let's get on it! I am really, really happy with my team. They are so great to work with and have the right attitude--mix of joy and concentration. And, with the new toll road, evil as it may be, it only takes TWELVE minutes to get to work.
The second best news of the week is that the Younger Boy did well in the school "Reflections" contest and gets to move on to the next level, whatever that is (district?). He did a computer-generated image of a place in Ireland, and it was just beautiful. I am so happy for him, that he is getting recognition for his art work.
Had a good weekend, too. Sandy showed up on Friday, which was a good day all around, since I was finished with my hours by 1:15 so Work Man and I could have a nice lunch at a good restaurant (where the waitress, Amy Jo, liked us so much she introduced herself and shook our hands) to talk about the upcoming work stuff a bit. After that I had time to go hang out and knit a while, then go home and say hi to the family, then go get Sandy! We sat a long time in a bad traffic jam due to an accident, but eventually got to the football field, where she got to meet my lovely boss and her family, plus my third son, the tuba boy from Deerpark. The team was horrible, and it was cold, so we left early and came home to chat with DP and relax.
Yesterday Sandy went with me to something ONLY a parent should have to experience, the middle school regional band auditions. Percussion Dept. But, we wanted to support the younger boy...so we stayed quite a while. Later his dad showed up and took over. Poor Former Husband barely saw the Older Boy, who spent the entire weekend at another debate tournament. Finally won a match, too!
Then we went to Ye Olde Yarn Shoppe and knitted. I got Sandy to knitting--she must have been the last holdout of my friends from the former job that hadn't learned to knit yet. She did great, and got to meet many of the usual folks, though a lot were out of town for a quilt show. Even an old friend from church and her red-haired daughter came by, which they hadn't done in months. Toward the end of the day, I had a huge sweater class, which was very fun and I think got them all started on their top-down raglan sweaters. I, of course, messed up starting mine, but it looks good now that I re-did it. My old pal Lisa showed up, which was extra special, too.
We did a tarot reading for Katie after the shop closed, and it was an interesting one, I think. It was funny, because I was sooo tired when I started, but once I was doing the reading I got energy back--I really think I use a totally different part of my brain for tarot than knitting. I hope Katie remembers to email me at the yarn shop address so I can send her my phone number, hint hint. Next I will do one for Lisa when she is in town again.
Speaking of tarot, readers of that blog will know that last night was the big "Yearly Tarot Reading" event, where I had five lovely friends join me in a little gathering for tarot and adult beverages. I didn't want to adult beverage before my own reading, so I made them wait. Such an overbearing person I can be when I am all nerved out about something! Thankfully I loosened up (perhaps too much), but dang, Tina's desk cracked me up. There will be more on the other blog. But suffice to say, we had good food, good fun and a nice time. It seemed the ones who hadn't met each other yet got along fine, and that was great. Thanks to all who could make it!
Today we went to church and it went well. Sandy got to see some of the people she had met before at conferences and stuff, which was nice. Then I got her to the airport in record time (new roads plus Sunday equals smooth driving). After that, I have been talking to church friends all afternoon. Looks like added to my tasks will be helping transition the church website to a new webmaster, since the one who was doing it after me left without a lot of discussion or planning, and they didn't do any transition. Thank goodness I don't have to DO that job--it took hours and hours every month, which I just no longer have. The bad thing is that someone heard me say I was going to update the Coffeehouse site, which I did do, and thought I had said the church site. Of course they told LOTS of people. Sigh. One reason for all the calls.
I am going to be busy in the next few weeks. My singing group decided to reform. What. Ever. I'll show up and sing what they want to sing. Maybe see if Work Man really wants to be dragged into that morasse. Since he said he hates rehearsing and Bill LOVES it, probably it's not a great fit. But it would be nice to have someone with more pro experience, but not to the level of DP, who is so professional he's way above amateurs like us! And I said I would sing with the choir for the holiday show. And sell old scarves at the Yule Fest, though I can't be there, so my friend Katherine will do it for me. And there's a work gathering Saturday night, and a wedding coming up, too. Whee. A social whirl.
I have a new sock photo, but of course can't get it to show up. Will upload to Flikr and try again tomorrow!
translation: at this point, I am thinking that I am in big trouble, because NOW I like Lee a lot. I am figuring I will have to channel that carefully into acceptable areas of liking. There is no touching going on other than the one hug. I have not mentioned anything on this topic to Lee, at all. Just smiled a lot.
Dear Sue Ann,I come and read here periodically and see how your are doing, and realized I have turned into one of those lurker types, so figured I better say something. Wishing you good luck on the interview is a good excuse. Hope you and the mispelled Sandy had a nice time.Sandee
Sunday, November 05, 2006 10:28:00 PM
I love reading about the wonderful happiness that is your life! I love your new socks too. They look really neat. I have never tried socks before. Baby blankets are about as complex as I typically get.Take care
Monday, November 06, 2006 2:44:00 PM
Thursday, November 2, 2006
Well, this was a great Samhain. I had the second most fun day working ever (the first, for those of you who will laugh knowingly upon reading this, was the last day of the LLLI Conference in 2001). ALE was a veritable festival of fun, at least the third floor of this building. One entire department had decorated their whole area with a complicated pirate theme, and they ALL came as pirates. And they had a very creative "gross" dessert contest.
Our department was not quite that organized, but we had a BLAST. Work Man, I swear, worked exactly two hours, the two phone calls he had to do. I spent most of the day following him around or vice versa, but at least did more work than that. That's us in the picture. The scary guy on the far left is Heath, then there's Work Man, then me, then Chatty Kathy. She is a flying kitty, which was vey funny since she is on crutches. She could fly but not walk. Work Man wasn't sure what he was, but I braided a worms into his hair and that made the outfit extra special. Eventually he smiled with the dracula teeth on and it was hilarious. So he became the Happy Reaper. I was a politician (person in business suit with devil head). Heath tied my tie beautifully, so the Older Boy can use it for debate, later. Eventually I became a bloody politician after Work Man diligently applied bloody gashes on my feet (from fleeing opponents) and some festering wounds on my hands from shaking too many. Well, you had to be there.
We had a costume party in the afternoon, judged by the big bosses and their Chicks in Charge. I actually won funniest costume, which came with a $25 gift check and a lovely ribbon. Work Man won most original (thanks to my smiling idea). All the costumes were great, and I will share an URL www.picasaweb.google.com/hufferbelly/teamhalloween so you can see more.
Well, I am going to stop here and go to a meeting, but I will continue, because I had a lot of fun all day, then with the kids, then with DP and trick-or-treaters...then interesting work the last couple of days.
I am told, btw, that I am one of the 5 people being interviewed for the job. Fingers crossed, everyone.
translation: this was the most fun day of my life, and Lee's too. However, the closest we came to hanky panky was touching fingers in a photograph. Still in best friend mode.
Incredibly exciting news about the job interview!There was a gross desert at Ruta on Tuesday: aluminum foil pan with grape nuts and small brownie 'plops' with a kitty litter scoop. It was the most disgustingly real thing I've ever seen. There was no way I was going to try them, though The Guy said they were tasty.
Friday, November 03, 2006 2:45:00 PM
Love the costume! I will have to remember that one in two years, when there is likely to be a rather, um, spirited political climate. fingers crossed for you, too!
Friday, November 03, 2006 9:23:00 PM